HELP PLEASE! (page 2)

zev

star...

I would really like to be inactive for a while and give myself time to think and learn a bit more. Give myself time to answer some of my own questions but it doesn't appear I have that choice since my husband is still going to meetings at the same congregation and the elders will soon start to want to know why I've been missing so many meetings.

you have every right to want to do that. and no one including your husband should stop you from taking this time you need to think things through. don't make a quick decision. most of us here would want to say, "hey, get out of the wt quick as you can". the reality however is different. i know. i have been through it.

i know in your heart your set, and think you know what your doing. take a step back for a minute. i'm not saying dont leave "jehovahs organization". i'm saying think. take some time. look things through.

my exodus took a year. i set goals. some worked out. some didnt. what worked was that i said i'd be out of the borg by the end of 2001. and thats exactly what happened. it took a year of reading studying and deep soul searching.

you cant do this in two weeks. i did it in a year, and it still caused my seperation. what do you think will happen to your family if you do this in 2 weeks? i didnt have children to worry over. just myself. i also had a family, to turn to when i left, that could help me.

please please please.....
take it from a sensitve man, who knows what your about to do. step back, and take your time! plan your exodus. plan carefully. your family, your relationships with them are at stake.

and do not send that d.a. letter. not yet. i have mine all set and ready. and i still have it. i may never send it. you dont have to!

you don't have to justify to mere men what your relationship with God is.

-Zev
Learn about the Wtbts and the U.N.
** http://www.geocities.com/plowbitch69 **

TheStar

Thank you to all who have responded so far!

I here what all of you are saying... I'm going to have to use the word "but" here..... BUT I don't see how I can slowly become inactive. I get repulsed and angry sitting through meetings, I can't chat with eveyone afterwards and pretend everything is hunky dory... I wish I could, but it's just not in me. Also if I prolong a DA letter, eventually I'm going to have an elder confrontation and I don't want to talk to them, EVER. I don't want to lie or be evasive or worry about how I will answer their question or have to play any kind of mind games with them to have my freedom, again it's just not in me to do this. I won't feel free, I'll be looking over my shoulder all the time. I just want out.

I don't have any children and none of my immediate family is a witness, only my husband and his family. I've decided that if what some of you say is true and the elders try to sway my husband against me, then I'll just have to deal with that if it happens. If he loves me, he won't be swayed so easily and if he is swayed, then my life has to mean more to me than him.

I haven't disclosed everything about myself to all of you. I've sacrificed a lot to be "in the truth". I've sacrificed having the career of my dreams and forfeited having children. I need to start my life, I don't want to waste anymore time.

I know I must sound like a hard head, I just don't see any other way. I need help writing this letter. Do I mention anything about all the errors, lies and manipulation regarding the society? Or do I just say I no longer wish to associate and be considered a JW?

larc

Star,

Please listen to the collective wisdom here. Please don't write that letter. By doing so you are only playing their game by their rules. Don't go to meetings, but don't do anything that will force them to take action. Buy yourself some time by doing nothing. The more time you have, the more likely it will be that you can influence your husband.

Stall, stall, stall. Don't respond to them. Be evasive and develope a plan like Amazing did.

patio34

Hi Star,

I couldn't find the link, but here is some of AlanF's post on the issue of DA'g yourself. I hope it helps.

I'll give some suggestions and comments, and then include a letter that I think may help.
You ought to contact a competent lawyer. The included letter suggests legal language that has worked before, and I see even less reason why it would not work again. It appears that the elders you have to deal with are so aggressive that they wouldn't listen to anything you or your husband say.
Don't speak to the elders personally if you can help it, and never under any circumstances speak to more than one at a time. You should be especially cautious on the phone, because they will often have a 2nd elder listening in so as to have that "second witness".
You need to consider your future relationship with your family. It seems to me that you want to avoid DA'ing, and I would certainly agree with that. This means that you have to avoid not only the overt DA'ing or DF'ing processes, but any covert "marking". Otherwise you'll end up in a situation like my wife's, where the Society many years ago told the JWs in the family to avoid her, even though they didn't DF or DA her.
CAREFULLY AVOIDED ever saying "I am no longer a JW" or anything like that.
I told him that under no circumstances were he or the other elders to disfellowship me, or announce that I had disassociated myself, publicly or privately, or in fact make any mention to anyone whatsoever about my status or lack thereof as a JW. Absolutely no talk to anyone, period! I said that if I learned that he or the others had violated my demand, I would take all necessary steps to protect my good name in the community from libel and slander. I never directly mentioned "lawsuit" or legal action, but I said, "Do you understand clearly what I just told you?" He said he did. I then said, "Alright we now have an understanding. I have no interest in speaking to any people in your congregation. I will leave them alone. You are to leave me alone. As for you elders, if you leave me alone I will leave you alone." He agree that they would abide by this. That was the last I heard from them.
If you want to keep your relationship with your family you must make it clear to the elders that they are not to speak about your status as a JW with ANYONE

I would strongly urge you to NOT DA yourself. Why continue to follow their rules? Why continue to submit to their self-assumed authority and power over you? Why give your power away?

All the best,
Pat

"It's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the world." (from "Stuart Saves His Family")

patio34

P.S. If you want the letter or more info, please e-mail me.

"It's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the world." (from "Stuart Saves His Family")

TheStar

Yes, please try to find me that link. This is what I need. Legal stuff and the such that I can use to keep the wolves at bay. Thank you so much! Please email me!

ISP

Good advice given already! IMO, the Borg would love you to DA yourself. It helps them in dealing with you. So many dubs have depression, ME and other 'ailments' that stop them doing much. You would be in good company! Fade away works quite well!

ISP

OlderTom

The Star,

Please listen to the eperienced ones. We all feel like writing the Society and telling them exactly how we feel and tell them all about their lies, deceptions and plain illegal stuff they have done.

Truth is they already know they are a buch of crooks. they know about all the innocent people who have died on account of their rules and regulations. They DON'T GIVE A SHIT about you and me. They are a business wanting to survive. Writing a DA letter will achieve NOTHING except give them ammunition to demonise you and possibly destroy your family. To the the Society comes first destroying a family is a small sacrifice. I was told to leave my wife, by elder T, when it looked like she might endanger by spirituality (my association with the Witchtower)

Do NOTHING until you have had lots of time to THINK.

Save your relationship with your husband.

We walked away together 6 years ago and they leave us alone. We are not DAed or DFed they just shun us because we stopped going to meetings. Recently the witnessing group knocked on our door. I told them we go to a different Hall now because of the way they treated us 6 years ago for simply marrying with getting the elder permission. They tried to DF us but I stood up to them and won using their own publications and the bible.

90% of the congo still shun us because elder T says so.

They don't play fair so don't play their game. If they want to talk to you, tell them to speak to the head of the family, your husband.

Refuse to meet with them without your husband. Tell them NOTHING except you are depressed and need time to get yourself together.

DO NOT DA yourseld it is exactly the same as being DFed.

FADE AWAY slowly, there is no easy way out of the Witchtower it is worse than leaving the Mafia.

And you will know the truth and the REAL truth will set you free.

OlderTom

patio34

Hi Star, please check your e-mail. :-D

The WTBS-style Race for Life

NewLight2

DO NOT DA yourself!! It will only cause you MORE problems. To avoid going to meetings, etc. get a job that has the same hours as the meeting schedule. That way all you have to say to their prying questions is that you have to work during meeting times and are "too tired" to go out in service or a meeting when you are off work. All the elders can say to that situation is to advse you to find a new job. ha ha. To which you can simply say, "But I like my job and am happy." End of conversation.

Another suggestion would be to move out of that congo teritory and claim that you and your husband are attending another Hall.

HELP PLEASE!

Share this