Inactive, yet shunned!

by TimothyT 41 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  TimothyT

  My dad (49) (who was an elder for 10 year and hasnt been to the meetings now since April when i stopped going) sent a message to a younger unbaptised brother (19) in my congregation to see if they would like to get together and jam on their guitars. The younger brother responded that he would like to but since my dad hasnt been to the meetings in a long time he feels its innapropriate.

  Needless to say my dad was a little pi**ed but at the same time he cant understand how he is also now being shunned despite the fact that he isnt even disfellowshipped. Why do these people show such conditional love when Jesus taught the absolute opposite?
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  fokyc

  Inactive = not interested = self disassociation

  Quite normal lately.
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  wannabefree

  The only invites I get now are to go out in service.
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  blondie

  The WTS allows jws to "personally" mark people; not the official one with a anonymous talk from the platform.

  *** w99 7/15 p. 30 Questions From Readers ***Paul was not addressing a situation in which a Christian personally chooses to limit association with another whose ways or attitudes are not good—for example, one who seems excessively focused on recreation or on material things. Or a parent may limit his child’s association with youngsters who disregard parental authority, play in a rough or dangerous way, or do not take Christianity seriously. Such are simply personal decisions in line with what we read at Proverbs 13:20: “He that is walking with wise persons will become wise, but he that is having dealings with the stupid ones will fare badly.”—Compare 1 Corinthians 15:33.
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  cantleave

  They are pissed because he doesn't have to suffer the boredom of meetings or the humiliation of FS!
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  Ding

  Why do these people show such conditional love when Jesus taught the absolute opposite?

  Because they are following the "faithful and discreet slave organization" rather than Jesus.

  In the WT view, there is no good reason to miss meetings.

  They see your father as spiritually weak, bad association.

  Ironically, if they would spend time with your dad he might miss some of that "brotherhood" and start attending meetings again.

  But all the WTS knows is legalism -- keeping JWs in line via carrots and sticks, rewards and punishments.
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  NewChapter

  I remember all the gossip around inactive people. There was always discussion on whether they should be marked or not. People would say things like, "well if they can't make it to meetings, then maybe they can't make it to . . . (something fun)." They try to be "long suffering", but each person has a limit in their head. THEN a few years ago, we got this article that said "long suffering" does not mean su ffering long. So their twist on it is that we are long suffering as long as there is hope of improvement. Once it becomes obvious that the person is not interested in "improving" it is okay to let them go. They all took that as permission to start marking.

  Nobody talked to me for a year. I liked it. Memorial came around and suddenly I had 4 visits and many earnest faces telling me how much they missed and loved me. I hated it. I can't even have a conversation with these people anymore when I bump into them. They are like aliens. We have nothing to say. Perhaps your father should be relieved. But that will take time.

  NC
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  cedars

  Your Dad isn't the only one. I continue to experience some very odd behaviour towards me even though I am only inactive, and not formally disassociated or disfellowshipped.

  I used to regularly play sports every Sunday with members of my congregation. They no longer invite me.

  I also wasn't invited to an important celebration that was held for a close family member, even though I had travelled a considerable distance to be with him at that special time. My presence at the party would evidently have stumbled some.

  I continue to experience "e-shunning" whereby close friends no longer email (or refuse to reply to my emails) now that they know I'm inactive.

  I've also noticed that my inactivity seems to prompt elders to bend (or ignore) the rules when it comes to how they should treat me as a brother. It now seems to be perfectly scriptural to (1) gossip about me with others, or (2) phone close family members, or pull them to one side at the meeting, to ask them questions about my spirituality - without approaching or contacting me directly with these questions. Everything is now very "cloak and dagger", which I absolutely can't stand and creates untold stress for both me and Mrs Cedars.

  I feel for your Dad, not least because I am very much in the same boat. I am now only a "brother" in name, and not in practice.

  Cedars
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  leavingwt

  Timothy: This is how most cults work. Members are afraid to pubicly associate with "weak" members. Why? Such association can have a negative impact on the "appearance" of the more active member. Birds of a feather flock together, as they say. If this person doesn't want to be viewed as 'weak' or critical of the WT, he must avoid those who are viewed this way.

  Actions do speak louder than words. If one doesn't regularly attend meetings and participate in field service, then he or she really doesn't understand the urgency and importance of the WT theology.
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  Robert7

  This is my life completely. I am inactive but not DF'd. All my 'friends' left me a while ago, and even my mom treats me as DF'd, meaning avoiding all unnecessary contact with me. It sucks.