What's the most insensitive thing you have been told while grieving? (page 4)

3rdgen

To ALL who have posted here and suffered the grief compounded by the disturbing if not hateful comments: (((((((hugs)))))) to ALL the empathetic well wishers: Thanks for your kind words. (((((((((((hugs))))))) to you too. BIZZY BEE You put my thoughts into words much better than I could have . You have great insight. I can't begin to tell you how I empathise with you with the loss of your son.

Magwitch

I am reposting this from a thread I commented on 2 years ago. This elder's words will haunt me until the day I die.... If fact, they were so cruel I think it is important to put a name behind them. Alec Rusch, Sunset Park Congregation, Longmont Colorado June 22, 2007.

Two years ago my brother was killed in a horrific accident. I felt my world had come to an end. I was driving home from the funeral with my two daughters and my cell phone rings and it is an elder from the hall I used to attend (I had been out of the JW picture for over a year). He told me that they were trying to get a JC together to meet with me. I asked him if he knew my brother had been killed a few days ago. He said he did, but said no words of condolences (Probably because my brother was disfellowshipped). He proceeded to ask me if next Saturday would work for a JC. I was sobbing so hard I had to pull off the road. I asked him again if he realized what had just happened to our family. He said that I would lose my life like my brother if I did not get on the right road. I hung up and never did show up for a JC meeting.

ziddina

"I hung up and never did show up for a JC meeting. ..."

Good for you, Magwitch!!

How horrible!! How monstrous!! What a BASTUURD!!

I hope that time and circumstances - and reality - take Mr. Rusch down a peg or five...!

BizzyBee

Thank you, 3rdgen. Magwitch, that elder was a horrible person!

Unfortunately, there is no compensating factor in these situations - loss is loss.

My best friend said to me at the time, "We've been through some stuff, haven't we?" The implication was that we'd get through this tragedy like we'd gotten through divorce, job loss, busted romances, etc. Somehow, in my hyper-sensitive state, it rubbed me wrong because the death of a child is not something one 'gets over.'

The best thing to say is just, "I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you're going through" (because no one can).

skeeter1

I was told by two relatives that I should have disciplined my 2 year old daughter during my mother's funeral at the Kingdom Hall. They were disappointed that we didn't smack her to stay quiet.

What we did was walk her to the back, and my spouse took her outside for a bit. She was just excited as all her family was there at one place. She had never been to a KH, and she will never go back as long as I am alive. We were from out-of-town and didn't have a babysitter to leave her with. And, I wasn't going to trust her with any "Friend."

Skeeter

Magwitch

BizzyBee..

The best thing to say is just, "I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you're going through" (because no one can).

So sorry for your loss Bee. To lose a child is absolutely incomprehensable - not to be compared with any other type of loss.

The greastest thing said to me during my (violent) pain was - "You will never get over this, but you will get through it" (words of wisdom)

sd-7

Wow, that's horrible...sorry to hear that.

When the woman I loved got announced as DF'd, the first person I remember coming up to me said, "Maybe it was for the best." I've been told that I can't even say hello to the woman I love, and that's for the best? What the heck were they thinking? Some people just don't know what to say when you're hurting--and in some cases, those are the very people who just won't shut up.

--sd-7

Snoozy

2 weeks after my heart attack my daughter called and wanted to borrow money..and would I deliver it to her as she was too tired to drive that far..

And no she hasn't changed..and yes we are no longer on speaking terms..she got mad because I found out she was using money she borrowed from me (another time) for drugs. She called me a busybuddy and said I was no longer welcome in hers or her son's life....

Snoozy..

edited to add..so sorry, just caught this was supposed to be about grieving. All I can add is that it was about 2 years after hubby passed..I was still grieving..

Snoozy

When my hubby was dying from cancer my son decided it would be a good time to let us know he was divorcing his wife and mother of our 2 grandchildren and marrying a new gal as soon as the divorce was final. He was unhappy and his new gal was wonderful!

Well she thought she could just move right into the family picture during this time and we could just throw any feelings we had for the old wife away. I voiced my unacceptance to my son and refused to meet her for a while and I was losing my husband in a month or two and really couldnl't care less if I ever met her.. I really loved his old wife and mother of my grandchildren.

At hubby's memorial she came up to me with the old wife standing not too far away and hugged me like we just really loved each other. She Kept holding on to make sure that my old daughter in law saw it..I had to pry her arms off of me and went to my old daughter in law (ex by now) and hugged her and we cried..the new daughter in law got her nose out of joint and was pissed about that for a long time..

She cause a big ruckus over that when I was grieving for my husband and my son was grieving for his dad..

My son called a few days ago and informed me that he and his wonderfual new wife are getting a divorce after 8 years..

Go figure..

Snoozy

factfinder

3rdgen- I am so sorry for the loss of your son.

I cannot believe all of the horrible situations so many of you have been through. I don't know what to say except...

I send my sincere condolences to all of you.

What's the most insensitive thing you have been told while grieving?

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