What's the most insensitive thing you have been told while grieving?

by 3rdgen 78 Replies latest jw friends

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  JustThatGirl007

  When I miscarried my daughter on the weekend of Hurricane Katrina (catastrophic devastation, for those who may be unaware), Aug 2005, one "sister" said, "Well, at least you still have your house." Another asked me, "Do you know what killed the baby? Stress. I bet it was stress." WTF?!

  When my aunt (nonJW) shot herself in July 2007, my husband (who I love dearly) was just so ..... uncaring and, frankly, assholey, about it all. No concept whatsoever about what I was going through. I was in the grocery store that day when I got the call and I called him and told him, "Babe, I can't do this. I need you to come get me." He called me no less than 3 times to complain that he couldn't get the kids to cooperate and put their shoes on so he could leave. We lived a mile from the grocery store. It should have taken him only minutes to be there for me. When I'd grieve some weeks later, he tried to come in and get me to get over it. Very irritating. Ok, I'm clearly still pissed about that.
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  babygirl30

  After a JW sister had a miscarriage, an ELDER came into the room and said to her "I'm sorry for your loss. But at least you never actually HELD a literal baby...and now you get to keep trying". Mind you, this woman had been trying to years to get pregnant (drugs and all) and she and her husband were in debt due to all treatments.
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  mrquik

  I recently attended a memorial & the elder at the end gave the corporate line of JW's having the prospect of never dieing. He must not have been looking at the deceased sister in front of him. Didn't quite work out for her.
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  LongHairGal

  3rdgen:

  I had a story told to me many years ago by an older lady visiting at a place I worked (we were at an after-work party). She was from the land down-under and she told me her life story and that she had a son who had died.

  When I related that I was a JW, she told me how hurt and appalled she was when JWs handed her a book when she told them her son died. She was horrified at their callous attitude. I tried to defend the JWs and gave the story about the resurrection hope and that "they didn't mean any harm when they gave her the book".

  The conclusion I came to is that death is a very touchy topic and the JWs story of the resurrection may not be what some bereaved people want to hear. People want their loved ones back NOW, not in some distant never-never land! And even a well-meaning offer of literature to a grieving person is not going to go over very well unless the person is in the right frame of mind to even read such a thing. To some people, as the lady I mentioned, it comes across as callous.
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  LongHairGal

  I have read through everybody's posts and all I can say is that I am in shock at the hurt inflicted on so many because of the callous, judgmental people in the JW religion. I thought it was just people like me who had hard things said to me like when I showed an elder a picture of a grandmother who died before I was born. He said: "Well MAYBE you can see her someday". Translation: you aren't working hard enough. (Nobody ever spared my feelings in this religion).

  Some might say they are showing "tough love" but I think in some cases it is more about being arrogant and just plain mean-spirited.

  The beliefs and doctrines of the religion have given people there (some more than others) a hardness that cannot possibly go hand in hand with anybody who claims they are a "Christian". They truly are a heartless and unfeeling bunch.
• 

  factfinder

  3rdgen-

  When my dear Mom died I read the book "Is This Life All There Is'. it brought me comfort-but in only a limited sense. And I was told that my Mom MAY be resurrected and if so, it would not be until way into the thousand year reign as all righteous ones get resurected first. I was told to do all I can to be there,( gain more points with Jehovah.), More fs, better meeting att etc.

  So here Im hoping armageddon comes real soon because after it does I still will have to wait hundreds of years to see my Mom. IF she is resurrected. Not much comfort at all. It always works the same way-the wt gives you a little comfort and then immediatly diminishes it or takes it away all together.
• 

  only me

  My mother passed away a couple years ago. It was her wish to have a private funeral and we honored that wish. I only received one note of sympathy from one of her friends at her KH. Two weeks later my husband came home from the DC and relayed the message that a lot of people tld him that they were sorry that there was no one to send their condolences to and that it was too late anyway. He thought I was terrible because I was hurt by that. I guess it's not an insult when you are no one.
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  Violia

  a sister told me I had to have a hysterectomy obviously due to my immorality. I asked her if that was why she had one- her immorality , and she replied " how dare you" and I said" how dare you". This would have been an excellent time for the word "b*tch, but she got the message.
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  ziddina

  Good for YOU, Viola!!