Multiple Abuse ...

by talesin 76 Replies latest watchtower scandals

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  talesin

  rebel

  That is another issue, and thank you for bringing it up. My mother was the same. She said "oh, I was made fun of at school for being poor". Yes, and she had brothers and sisters to stand up for her, and she was not alone.

  As JWs, we were often the only one.

  And yes, it can have long lasting effects. My own experience has been that I push people away (subconciously), and then get very sad when the friendship dissolves. All along, it's me who sabotages it!

  (((rebel))) yes, sometimes people can be so mean

  tal
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  talesin

  amicus

  It is nice to see you. This is so true ...

  I think we should guard our kids carefully.

  Also, the Nixon-Kissinger thing doesn't surprise me at all. Where money & power exists, so too, does child abuse. Look at what's happening at Penn State right now.

  tal
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  talesin

  DaCheech

  That brings up another important point. Boys are often ashamed to talk, moreso than girls.

  We need to support men in their healing, fully, instead of expecting them to 'buck up'.

  FS -- you too? (((FS)))

  (((MM))) - that is sick! I am sorry your mom had that done to her. Yet still, the abuse was passed on to you and your brother.

  tal
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  Adiva

  When I was about 10 or 11 my older brother abused me. I wrote about it during one of my hospitalizations for attempted suicide. It was called 'the creak on the stairs' because I would hear the stairs creak when he was coming down and I knew what was going to happen.

  Well, that just made me tear up.

  Adiva
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  sabastious

  Mom and dad beat me, I beat my little brother and he, well, he had to learn some cunning and did he ever. I was also sexually abused as a child. Child abuse seems to be an epidemic. I have noticed that either more of the same comes out of child abuse or sometimes the children rise above it and become something totally new. I believe a lot here are just that.

  -Sab
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  talesin

  (((Adiva))) This is why it is called 'soul murder' .... it can make us feel so unworthy, so like the tiniest most insignificant piece of trash,,, I hope you are getting some therapy, and thank you for posting. You are NOT alone.

  Oh, dear sab. Yes, it is an epidemic, and you are right about the cycle. Especially when we are kids, where do we put the pain? I believe that is why my elder brother was so abusive to me,,, he has been passing it on for 50 years now. He also was (at least verbally that I know of) abusive to his kids.

  Thanks to everyone for talking -- it's been a while since we've had a discussion here (that I've seen), and well, it helps me,,, hoping it's helping others who are reading, too.

  You are not alone!!

  tal
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  talesin

  AdaMakawee

  You bring up a very important point.

  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

  We have learned quite a bit about PTSD when it comes to soldiers, especially since the Vietnam war. The traumas they either witness or receive, have long-lasting effects.

  If you shift that to a 2 YO,,, an 8 YO,,, a 10 YO... they have even less capabililty to deal with abuse -- emotionally.

  Many people think adult survivors should just 'get over it'... really! Would they tell that to a war vet? I think not. And as you say, this often surfaces later in life. For me, it was at age 31, after I experienced a date rape. The PTSD kicked in, and I have not had a good sleep since.

  As Rebel says, it's hard to imagine that some people have never experienced bullying, or abuse by adults, but to those of you who haven't --- I know it's hard to understand. But the effects are very real.

  The next time you think about that person who maybe drinks too much, has a drug problem or anger issues,,, try to see below the surface--- they are in pain, perhaps pain that has festered inside for decades. It doesn't mean you have to DO anything, or even be around them if their behaviours are abusive or just not something you enjoy.

  All I ask is that you see them through different eyes, maybe send them some good energy, or a prayer, and be thankful you do not have to walk in their shoes.

  xo

  tal
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  watersprout

  to all who are silent,,, I know you are reading this,,,, we love you!

  Thank you
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  3rdgen

  Talisin, Thank you for starting this thread. While very painful to read and relive for the survivors, we are learning so much more about each other and ourselves. I think some of the blame for our parents terrible behavior goes back to "Judge"(not even a real judge) Rutherford. I say this because unlike his predessor, he had contempt for woman and especially children. They had no value. In JR's days it was considered "weak" to even HAVE children as though you didn't think the end was near. Children were hinderences to the preaching work etc. He set the pravailing attitue. The Knorr/Franz years carried many of the same viewpoints. When my longtime pioneer mother was preg. with me she was told by another JW "Some people will do ANYTHING TO GET OUT OF PIONEERING". All the scripteres in Prov. that spoke of beating children with the rod of dicipline for he won't die were read CONSTANTLY at the meetings. Parents couldn't help but adopt this sick attitude if they were paying attention. It was the "worldly" governments that caused a change in the org. by arresting baby and child beaters right at the kingdom Halls. Brooklyn was forced to soften the messages given on child rearing . While it didnt end the abuse(partly because most never happens at the Hall anyway) at least the subject is now before the public. It's about time!
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  lilbluekitty

  I was physically, verbally, emotionally abused. Basically everything except sexually. I was born prematurely (weighed 4 lbs at birth) so I was always small my whole life. My father didn't believe there was anything wrong with me even though I stopped growing at age 10 or so and weighed about 45 lbs. My mother went to the other extreme and took me to the doctor's all the time once my parents got divorced. I had to have growth hormone shots which thankfully helped me grow 10 more inches so that I'm 4'10 now (and a much healthier weight LOL). However most of my teenage years were spent in the hospital going through various tests both physical such as the dreaded Insuline Arginine test (they lower your blood sugar as low as it can go without you dying and then hope that certain hormones kick in) and psychological/neurological tests because my mom said I wasn't like other kids. I was diagnosed wrongly with bipolar disorder. I do not have it but I was made to take so many medications that one of my doctors in New England could not believe I was on so much medication. I spent most of my teens and 20s totally drugged up and not in a fun way. My moods were out of control because if you put a non-bipolar on bipolar meds, you act bipolar. So they would keep putting me on more and more meds. Lithium was the worst. I was always sick to my stomach and my hands still shake now even though I'm no longer on any meds.

  There was also horrible physical abuse at the hands of my mother. She is obese and I was always small so the only way I ever got away is because I'm fast but once she'd find me I'd still end up getting it. It started out as spankings and then escalated to beatings and hair pulling and face punching. She broke my glasses several times. She'd beat me the most while she was driving us to the meetings, sometimes telling my sister and I that she was going to swerve into the opposite lane so that a truck would hit us and we'd all die. She did that many, many times. It should be noted that she was at her worst the NIGHT OF THE MEMORIAL, every single year, making me dread the memorial.

  I think the worst thing is that on the drive to almost every meeting, she'd scream at us, or hit us, or both and by the time we pulled into the KH parking lot, my sister and I would either both be in tears or my sister would be very angry (we dealt with the abuse differently, I was always depressed and guilty, often suicidal, my sister was always angry and wanted to rebel against her.) But the thing is, we had to smile and look happy when we entered the hall. Sometimes my smile wasn't real enough and people would ask me what was wrong. I had to lie and say I was tired or something. It wasn't until I was in my early 20s that I would finally say, when people said how are you that I wasn't doing so great and then I wouldn't bother explaining why because I was embarassed to still be spanked and beaten in my 20s.

  Thankfully I'm away from that whole mess, married now to a non-JW who doesn't yell and scream and hit. He's very laid back and quiet. I am socially awkward, due to the whole way I spent most of my life and also the fact that I have Asperger's (high-functioning autism, basically) and didn't have much social interaction in my life. I still have flashbacks and nightmares about the abuse but mostly I don't think about it.