I would whole-heartedly agree with Band on the Run about not participating in the judicial process.
I was a faithful JW for 25 years, serving as an elder for 20. Then when I started having difficulties in my marriage I went to the elders, men (I thought) that were my personal friends. These were people that I had known for 14 years. I did this because-as a JW-I was taught that that was the right and proper thing to do. I thought I could trust them. NOT!
In fact, it was the biggest mistake of my life, even bigger than any of the bad decisions I made that led to the eventual end of my 21 year marriage! Yes, even worse than that. I thought these guys would offer loving spiritual assistance and compassion. NOT!
I knew I would likely be disfellowshipped, but I (stupidly) believed that they loved me and my family and that they would help us work through it. NOT!
It's now been over two years since I was unceremoniously kicked out, and during this time none of those so-called "friends" have lifted a finger to do anything to help me, not one. I have always made sure they have known where I lived and how to get in touch, but still they have not made any effort to render help or assistance: nothing, nada, zilch, zero.
Even for the first year or so I went to meetings pretty regularly (foolishly) thinking I wanted to get reinstated (I'm over that now!) and yet no effort has been made to contact me.
Once 1 1/2 years ago one of these guys called my cell phone. I didn't answer because I was at work. And although he didn't leave a message I thought maybe it was a reaching out for the "Prodigal Son". Later that day I sent a text message in response asking what he wanted. He sent back the message, "Sorry, I called you by accident."
Not feeling the love!
Summary: If you have problems, especially the more serious they are, DO NOT GO TO THE ELDERS! Seek professional help if you must from a qualified individual in the the appropriate field, a doctor, a therapist, a counselor or even a lawyer.
BUT ABSOLUTELY, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT, DON'T GOTTA' THINK TWICE: DO NOT GO TO THE ELDERS!