It was strategic for my ex to start a divorce with me way out in the middle of the Pacific ocean. I know now that he really wanted me to beg him not to go through with it all. Oh well. He is still single. He doesn't date. I am still single. I have had a couple of good relationships since then, very good ones that have taught me a lot. And I have learned that I won't marry again until it's the right person and circumstances.
Also Married Idiots here who claim having an Affair was "forced" on them by.....
by Witness 007 30 Replies latest watchtower scandals
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Found Sheep
FHN- glad you got out
ya sometimes it's just the WRONG person!!!
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wha happened?
My current wife is a JW. I didn't meet her until I seperated from wife#1. Honestly, my 1st marraige should have ended alot sooner. Our expectations were off, and so was that of the congregation. Daughter of a tyrant of a PO, he ran that congregation with a closed fist and the result was that everyone was on us from day one. Every couple that was counseled, disaplined, whatever made sure they got theirs in with us. The happiness wore off quickly. a few years into the marraige, she was looking to get out and a few years later the affairs began. Honestly I was really surprissed because we were engaging in alot of hanky panky with other couples so there was so no need for secracy.
The bummer on it all was that the ex got her kicks breaking up marraiges. She bragged about her thoughts on married men. Hitting on them in the hall and getting a few. There were a number of divorces that year.
I remarried, happy. She considers herself a JW now that she is reinstated, but inactive. Alone and miserable
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its_me!
I had an affair because I thought that it was the only way to get our of my marriage. I was born-in, and I really never even entertained the idea of simply getting a divorce. I know it sounds crazy, and it is. When I look back now, I think, "why didn't I just get a divorce? I was going to be df'd anyways....." But honestly at the time, it never occurred to me. It's called being BRAINWASHED. I am not that person anymore. Please don't call me names because of it. I am very ashamed of those actions to this very day. I don't need any help feeling guilty from you. No one "caught" me sinning. I turned myself in and told the truth and took the punishment without complaint. Getting out of that marriage and that organization was the best thing that ever happened to me, I know that how I went about it was messed up, but no matter how I got out, I sure am glad I did.
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Found Sheep
its_me
many of us share the same story! It's the way we were programed. Please don't let a stranger named witness007 or anyone for that matter make you feel guilty!!!! Life is too short.
Keep finding love and peace and stick to people that have it too
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its_me!
Thank you FS! I am still ashamed of what I did, but we are all human and make mistakes. I have atoned for mine a thousand times over, and it is time to let go of the guilt and move forward. I got sucked in by 007. The comments made in his or her posts are so much like the ones I would have heard in the Org. I was born in, and I am still trying to cleanse my mind of the self-depricating thoughts. Even though I have problems in my life now, and always will (because that is life), I am a much happier person now. Thank you for the kind words! I think I read in another thread that you are from WV? I am from OH! Not too far apart...
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sd-7
Nah, that would be a bizarre claim to make. Nobody forces anyone to have an affair. Even with all that I've been through in my marriage, and to be sure I sometimes felt tempted, I never put myself in that situation where it could happen. I've tried to keep an appropriate distance between myself and anyone I might even be tempted to become attracted to. That's just common sense for a marriage.
One thing I learned even before I got married was that if you just don't want to be with the person anymore, cheating is not the answer. Confronting the person directly and talking about it is the only way to be honest about how you feel. If you don't have the courage to do that, then you're being even more irresponsible if you just cheat to get out of it. If cheating just ends up happening because you're emotionally vulnerable and the relationship went sour, well, that's different. But I don't think cheating 'just happens', not when you're married.
If, hypothetically, I were to cheat, I would be to blame, not the Watchtower Society. I might not even be married if I didn't feel the cult-induced guilt about fornication, to be honest, but that's not the point. I still had a choice, and I chose to marry a JW, so that's on me. It would be the same with cheating. It's still a choice. I don't think, at least not with a JW, that there'd be an 'honorable' way to end the marriage. They'd throw the book at you. Either way, I think it's serious enough that, unless the person is beating you up or abusing the kids or something, you ought to give it everything you've got and then some to try and make it work.
Sorry you feel angry about this issue, and perhaps I can't blame you. Relationships suuuuck.
--sd-7
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Found Sheep
Well I fell for the bait more then once on this site too. In some ways... after it made me stronger. I'll never "condone" what i did either but I have forgiven myself and moved on. I know for a fact it was sin or suicide and the later can't be "fixed"
yup WV I'll PM you
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caliber
Many posters mention guilt.....if it isn't a factor that bothers you it wouldn't even come up on these threads.
Those who have some sort of "issues "( including myself) are the one who have the most to say. If you are a "dumper"
rather than the" dumpee" you will have guilt period... regardless of what JW's may have done to you .
See the book "Rebuilding when your relationship ends" ~~~ Dr. Bruce fisher
SD-7 ... I so agree....
scapegoating & justification will mostly hinder you..........right SD-7 ?
"Either way, I think it's serious enough that, unless the person is beating you up or abusing the kids or something, you ought to give it everything you've got and then some to try and make it work. " SD-7