by Muddy Waters 26 Replies latest jw experiences
As "Interested One" stated...
That is behavior that comes very close to being sociopathological or psychopathological...
It is a characteristic of these two conditions [as I understand them] that people so afflicted have absolutely NO feelings of empathy or remorse for the pain and suffering that they cause...
Zid
A Very big welcome ....So happy to have you with us. I think we all know the confusion you are going through
I went through that also, But I would like to tell you it lifts.... Once you really KNOW that our minds were "mindcuffed"
And we can now think independently... I am the Granny on board. I would like to give a little advice...
Try not to give up on Praying..... God said listen to his SON!!!! Whom I believe is Jesus Christ. & every Bible
your reading will tell you HE is the WAY,TRUTH,LIFE!!!!!Of course not all on this board( whom I love dearly
even the trolls. )LOL belive the same as me.... And that is O.k. by me....I KNOW what I believe !!! I pray all
the time,,,Because HE is really all I have left. THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!!I truly feels he cares for me....BUT he does allow us
to belive as we want.... But keep your chin up
Mouthy Grace Gough
Well, what everyone else said. 30 years is a long time, so it must have come as a great relief.
I was there about 40 years ago, and left about 1975 in mind, about 1980 pyschically.
Welcome to our nightmare.
There is no nice way to find out you've been scammed.
I've been reading different translations of the Bible (not that it helps, still confused as can be)
Maybe you are trying to make something out of it that it isn't.
Why pick on the Bible anyway?
Does being born in a Muslim, or a Buddhist environment make their holy books the 'word of God'?
In order to get you to become, and remain, a JW you were trained to suppress your critical thinking abilities. You need to fix that before you go looking for a replacement religion or you risk making the same mistakes that got you recruited into one high control group already.
Do yourself a favour. Spend some time in the library honing your critical thinking skills.
Cheers
Chris
Welcome Muddy Waters! Just breathe. It's incredibly overwhelming, but you're not alone. Now that you have stepped off of that evil treadmill you will have time to THINK. They don't like that. I was in for 20 years and a little over a year ago I had an epiphany while looking at a mammoth skeleton. I had already faded for 3 years--due to illness---but never really had the desire to return. It all seemed so very tiring---just rules and the treadmill and more rules. Then I had my moment and a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. I never had to go back! It takes time. You have taken the big steps already.
NC
Muddy Waters!!
AIN'T THAT A MAN!!! I say M .... A, child ..... N!
Thx for your story and glad to hear you have left the cult.
The Pope
Thank you all so much for your warm welcome and kind words! I still have to be careful what I say and write because my husband is still a JW and I fear discovery (I'm sure some of you know how that is!)
All kinds of "new things" are entering my mind (hope you don't mind bearing with me as I share this). One of these things is the way I'm beginning to view other people! Suddenly people "in the world" don't seem so evil and horrible and deluded as I've always been led to believe. (well, okay, maybe some people are, but you know what I mean!) I'm becoming way less judgmental of people, and yet when I was an active JW I never even realized I was so arrogant and judgmental!! (You know, the tolerant, patient smile you put on your face whenever you have to deal with "worldly" people, as you smugly feel superior and special….. not that we're supposed to feel that way, but now I realize I was full of that stupid attitude!)
I've a long way to go, a long road ahead to find some kind of closure and clarity and it's very frightening. I've been posting on another forum as well where I've found all kinds of support and help and understanding. There are wonderful people out there! "Apostates" aren't the vicious evil people I've been told they are, my computer hasn't blown up, but I have developed a tic near my eye. Hm.
And oh yes, Ding, I am totally reading the lighter stuff of the bible, mostly Paul's letters. I'm finding that even reading the first four books of the NT (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John) is too much a strain, trying to figure out Jesus' words. I'd rather have Paul try to explain it for me right now, lol.
And also, Ding, thank you for making yourself available to PM, I do appreciate that. :)
Tec/Tammy, I found your reply very loving and soothing! Most kind words. I was baptized when I was 20, and now, 30 years later (and getting to be an old lady!) I'm starting to un-submerge all those questions I had and unfaithful thoughts. I've been doing a fade for quite a while… Have you been out for awhile? Were you raised a JW? (Thank goodness my kids never got baptized!!! I am so very thankful for that now!!)
Ziddina, I also thank you for your kind welcome and words. Nice to feel that all this confusion I'm feeling is *normal*, even if I sure don't feel normal! :)
Mummatron, yes that's one horrible book. I asked my grown-up kids about that book and they still remember those pictures! They were so scared of some of those pictures. They have very vivid memories of all those depictions of death and destruction. No wonder they were always afraid to fall asleep without a night light on! My poor little kids…..
JW Gone Bad… I wish I could say more of the things that happened and the harsh edicts the JC pronounced on me, but am very leery of giving too much away. The elders were extremely unfair and had no shred of compassion. It was very shocking to me and went way beyond the things written.
Interested One: Yes, that's the kind of thing I'm talking about with the bible story book! Horrid! How can they depict people SMILING at so many people being killed?? Even the Bible says that Jehovah takes no delight in the death of the wicked. So I really don't get these terrible illustrations.
Mouthy, I had to laugh at your post, and your name!! And thank you also for such kind and insightful words. It is very hard to pray right now, I don't even know to whom to address my prayer! But hopefully that will come as I try to figure it out. I will strive to keep a sense of humor and think of you when I get too overwhelmed.
Black Sheep, no worries! I am in NO HURRAY to get into anything!! I am feeling right now that nobody or religion can ever say they have all the answers! The prophets who had their dreams didn't even know what their dreams meant, and the disciples, who had Jesus walking right among them, didn't even understand what he was saying most of the time!! So I think if God really wanted us to figure it all out, things would be a little more spelled out for us… (I feel kinda scared writing that last sentence, like speaking blasphemy….)
New Chapter, it feels so good not to be alone in this! Because of course there's NOBODY to talk to about these things, I'm even afraid to say anything to my own husband!! Isn't that terrible. And yet Jesus disciples questioned among themselves when they didn't understand something he said (which was quite often!) The WT has a really good hold on us (or did) and I still feel very much the weight of it.
And Blind Willie McTell…. yes, Muddy Waters is an excellent performer! Love the blues! And it's also a fitting name for me right now, as the formerly crystal and pure waters (that I thought was the truth) have become all churned about and mucked up!
You say you dont know who to pray to..... Jesus Christ does an excellent job of answering mine...
Welcome MW! It's certainly a big surprise when this rug gets pulled out from under you. You are now in a very large change cycle.
I've had a disturbing dream of walking (through the streets of New York, for pete's sake!) and crying out, "Jehovah, where are you? Where are you, Jehovah?"
When I was around 10 years old, I asked my Mom why Jehovah let's suffering go on in the world when he has the power to stop it. Her reply was that he had turned his back on all mankind years and years ago when we kept sinning and didn't listen to him.
This statement did not have the effect on me that I think my Mom hoped it would have.
That was pretty much the day the idea of God died for me. To be abandoned when I hadn't yet been born spoke volumes about Jehovah; I was starting to dislike this Jehovah character. The term for Fathers like this is 'deadbeat Dads'. I knew then that the person I was to be and the life I was to live was completely up to me. Jehovah just wasn't there.
Ray Franz's "Crisis of Conscience" verified a lot of what I had suspected about this organization as well as educated me on a lot I wasn't aware of.
For me, Stephen Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" really helped eduate me on what habits are truly helpful for people. Habit #1: Be Proactive is in direct contradiction to the Watchtower's habit "Wait on Jehovah".
My observations are that this organization is not about joy, creativity, and growth; their habits do not support these outcomes.
Hey Muddy - Brad
