Millions Now Living WILL Die!
OK, What is this summer's District Convention Theme?
by Quarterback 45 Replies latest jw friends
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Quarterback
Ha, Ha, real good themes.
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WontLeave
The 2010 "Bitch, We're Your Christ, Now!" district convention.
Talks will include:
- How self-delusion and Zoloft make us the happiest people on Earth
- Teaching our children to see the sexual advances of elders as God's affection
- Sit back and leave the thinking to us
- A 3-part symposium on apostasy:
- Why reading anything we didn't write is disloyalty to the Creator of the Universe
- Nothing in the Bible about Pharisees applies to us
- Collection and public burning of literature over a year old
- and a full-dress drama, "Why the Watchtower is Better than the Bible"
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Knowsnothing
This assembly overlaps with the 2012 mayan prediction. Neat! BEST ASSEMBLY EVER!
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punkofnice
Although I don't know the title for the new boasting sessions this is how it works................................................
The room in Brooklyn HQ was palatial and luxurious, full of Masonic symbols. All paid for by those murdered in Malawi in the 1970’s and my late grannie’s house she left them and all her life savings.
The new members of the Grubby-stink Body sat around their pentangle shaped table doing ‘obeisance’ to Satan and wondering what absolute self serving propaganda to print in the WashTowel for the next study. Their objective as always, to bore the congo-abongo-I-gregations into total submission using the hypnotic droning of the overbearing study conductors and the public reading of the cheese ridden paragraphs.
Brother Knorrs-Cheesesauce is a newly ‘anointed’ brother. The others look at him with admiration. Oh, how he wanted to join the GB but couldn’t as he wasn’t ‘anointed’ and born after 1935 (although this didn’t matter anymore as the ‘New Light Brigade’ needed some ‘overlappers’ for their new and hilarious interpretation of ‘generation’).
Then a miracle! One night Bro K was reading about masturbation in the ‘Dumb People Ask. Answers that lead to more questions you will be disfellowshipped for if you even dare ask!’ book.
As he remembered all the dirty little confessions he’d heard in judicial committee meetings something long since dead and unusually tiny, stirs in his trousers. Suddenly, as if in a flash of ‘new light’ Charlie Russel appears to him in a pyramid and says:
‘Congratulations. As you are our 144,000 th customer, you are entitled to 1 free ‘anointing’ (Limited trial up to Armageddon or until the ‘overlapping’ expires).’ Then continues: ‘Bro Boozerford would have come but he has a theocratic hangover after being ‘filled with spirit’ .........................................er................and as he didn’t like me much I get to do his dirty work. At least you can now join the Grubby-stink body! Satan prevails!’ Then as if in a flash of ‘new light’ CTR is gone.
No wonder when an ‘anointed’ person is asked how they know they are ‘anointed’ they say: ‘We just know!’ How could they explain ‘Charlie and his Cocked-up Factory’ away?
In Brooklyn, Bro K sits at the levitating table, overbearing, arrogant and full of self serving hatred of the ‘other sheeple’.
Then he has a crap idea which the other members all agree with. Even though they loath Bro K they suck up to him in the hope they will get more privileges cleaning his ar$e after meetings. Oh, the joy. The strains of the new song ‘ever loyal to a man made borganization’ floats mystically in the air as a passing Demon smiles on approvingly.
Bro K rises from his chair and speaks: ‘The Genital times have ended! No wait. That was another lie at a different time.’
He continues: ‘We need another turgid, dumbed-down publication for the forthcoming A$$emb£y the theme of which will be ‘Blind obedience to the Borganization’. I submit the stirring title ‘The Grand Privilege of Unity in this Time of the End as We go our Separate ways, so that’s fine isn’t it Brothers?’ book.
There is applause.
Brother Hack exclaims: ‘I already have some ideas for the chapters.
‘Hypnotic Bait and Swich! Why only the Grubby-stink body can use this technique.’
And ‘Straw man arguments, why I should accept them as truth.’
And ‘Jar-Hoovers-Witlesses will be disfellowshipped if they admit they are depressed.’
‘There will be a ‘balk outline’ to discourage the Brooders from smiling entitled: ‘You must do more or die at Armageddon’.
Before the meeting is adjourned Brother Subimage agrees to arrange some artwork for the chapter entitled ‘Zeus on the dress, why it wasn’t there!’
Brother Kiddy-Fiddler emphasised the need to use all the usual crap loaded language throughout such as ‘In the truth’, ‘Jar-Hoovers borganization’, ‘Half past Eight’ or was that apostate? ‘new light’, ‘where else will we go?’, ‘…only the Grubby-stink body..’.
Brother Kiddy-Fiddler also requests a leaflet Champaign for KingDumb Nudes number #who bl00dy cares by now: ‘Jesus (or Mickey boy), is yet another angel besides all the other ones we said he was before’.
There is a WashTowel article arranged covering the often asked subject of why the GB are directed by Jar-Hoover’s oily spirit but when mistakes are made it was because they are imperfect and cannot be blamed. The article will be so convoluted with unrelated scriptures used as proof, that the average JDub will be so confused they won’t question it. It is known that there will always be a Johnny Watchtower who is a WashTowel intellectual who will convince everybody he fully understands it and the ‘deep(ly depressing) things of Jar-Hoover.
The meeting ends and oily spirit magics them all away to the Beth Sarim up their own back passages.
Here is a 'leaked' copy of one of the talk outlines..................
Do More or Jehovah will Lovingly Kill You. Soon!
Talk to be assigned to a power tripping b@st@rd or repentant paedophile.
(5min) God loves you and will lovingly kill you if you don’t do more.
The world is bad. It is so deadly, terribly bad. Woe to us all. Everything is dreadful. (Quote current news item in proof). The FD$ need power and money because the global financial system is in decline caused by Satan (imply the audience is at fault). The world is in a terrible state. Everything is awful. Give us your cash so that God won’t kill you for being worldly.
WT 53 6/1 p350 par24. g 69 5/22 p15.
(10min) Cleansed minds
Jehovah’s ‘happy pill ‘people are not brainwashed. We prefer to have our minds ‘cleansed’ or God will kill us. God will kill us soon when the overlapping stops very shortly. Rev 1:18. Luke 17:5-10
WT 53 6/1 p350 par24
(15min) Encourage more to join the cult or die. Soon!
Do not use the internet to do independent research. You must recruit more into the cult because the FD$ are losing money. Use ‘Theotwatic warfare’ and lie about disfellowshipping one who leave. Lie to potential Bible studies that Jehovah reads hearts. Do not tell them that only Jehovah’s witnesses will survive Armageddon. WT89 9/1 pg19 par 7
Armageddon will be soon (subject to overlapping). Paedophiles must be protected at all times but apostates must be hated. Gossip must prevail in the congregations to hurt the feelings of vulnerable ones. 1975 was not a false prediction. Jehovah didn’t let Armageddon come in 1975 as a test to those who thought it would. It was all your fault and the FD$ are not to blame for anything. The FD$ did not say anything about 1975 and you will be disfellowshipped if you say they did because they are your God.
Only by worshipping the FD$ and giving them money can we have any hope of owning a pet monkey in paradise. Matt 24:45. Prov 4:18
WT89 9/1 pg19 par 17
(Please stick closely to the material quoted and do not use the Bible as an authority. Refer ONLY to the washTowel as a higher authority than god. Adhere closely to the timing for each section. Ensure that guilt, fear and phobia are instilled in the audience using ‘loaded language’ at all times. Encourage unquestioning corporate loyalty to the WT$ branded product ‘Jehovah’)
wtb$ pt 666
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DonutZ!
"How Jehovah communicates through the governing body, weed!"