Today I was told I've been reported to authorities for elder abuse!

by 3rdgen 28 Replies latest jw friends

  • 3rdgen
    3rdgen

    This is a very long story-Probably requires at least 2 threads, But I'll try:

    My 93 yr. old widowed destitute mother has dementia. I am her only child. Why she is destitute is a separate thread. She didn't let me know until it was too late to keep her from giving her last $ to the WT$. My hubby and I took her in to live with us when she became broke, even though she was rude and hurtful to both of us. She only stayed with us a short time but I assure you it was HELL!She stayed with several different friends and family after she left our place in a huff. (I would have NEVER kicked her out) Each time she was asked to leave after only 6 weeks.

    We then set up living arrangements for her at the nicest assisted living home in her hometown. (6 hrs from us) Two of her brothers were also living there and she had friends and other family nearby. She Literally kicked and screamed when we took her there but soon she grew to like it. It cost hubby and me $2400.00 a month. After 2 years of this added expense WE were now completely broke ourselves. At this point we had no choice but to get her government assistance. Hubby did this for me since I was a basket case at this point. We were still active JWs at this time but were being treated like lepers. (still another thread). I got a call from a sister saying that my mom was telling friends and family that I had taken ALL HER MONEY!!! Meanwhile all her family start shunning me WHILE I WAS STILL ACTIVE. I was crushed and hubby was furious. Meanwhile, one of her bros died and the other is very ill.

    Last year mom had a stroke and was hospatalized and not expected to recover. She did though and was put in a different home as she needed much more assistance. In time she got well enough to be "aggressive" and put in still another facility. None of this was with our knowledge or consent. A couple of months ago Social Securiy informs us that her benefits had been cut partly because she was living at home. WHAAAAT??? She had been passed (dumped) from 3 places but never was at home. At the same time, the newest facility e-mailed us saying she is on a hunger strike and at the rate she was loosing weight she only had a few months to live. Meanwhile, there is another death in the family, I hear about it in an e-mail from a witness in their hall. My health declines, I have to have surgury, we mentally exit the cult, our house is in forclosure,Hubby trying to start new business, and today we awake to a curt message from the only sibling of moms who is of sound mind.

    He says "When are you going to take care of your mothers needs. You have failed to fill out her paperwork properly and now the rest home is going to put her in the street. Is that what you want?" He doesn't know or care how we are and didn't ask. Before we could process that, hubby reads me TODAYS e-mail from the home saying we owe them $24,000.00 for only 4 months care. They accused us of embezzeling her social security money and said they have already turned us in to the authorities.

    I'm now quite literally crying in my beer. Sorry for the length but I simply don't have a friend in this world-except you and I realize I don't even know you or visa versa.

  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    Take a deep breath and breeeeeeeeeeeeathe!!!

    It sounds like it's time to let the authorities to take over her care. You are killing yourself in trying to look after an angry old woman who is making life hell for everyone. Let the authorities look into things. You may have made a mistake but in the process of exploring this you might be able to convince the authorities that she (and you) need help.

    Wish I could hug you in real life

  • Azazel
    Azazel

    (((((((((3rdgen)))))))) best i can do from here

    Az

  • 3rdgen
    3rdgen

    Thank you Broken Promises, ((((((((hugs)))))))) My mother has always been a very odd headstrong person. The irony though is, she was a good mother the first few years of my life and I bonded very tightly with her. I love her so much and always sought to please her-but never quite measured up to her expectations of me. Now I fear life has broken me.

  • Iamallcool
    Iamallcool

    Contact Elder Law Attorney in your area.

  • sizemik
    sizemik

    3rdgen that was difficult to read . . . you have truly been dealt an awful hand here.

    My heart goes out to you both. We had health issues to deal with among other things a few tears back . . . and lost all our equity too. I didn't think things got too much worse than what we had to deal with . . . but this is I think. It must be awfully stressful.

    I agree with BP . . . any authority involvement will probably help rather than hinder. Elderly Care facilities aren't always squeeky clean either . . . so watch them closely. It may sound callous re; your Mother, but your health is by far your biggest priority along with your new business. You can't do much if those aren't cared for. Make them aware you have serious health issues to deal with and need regular assitance with her. I'm not sure on welfare services in your country but, wherever you see an opportunity to step back a bit from it, take it. Keep things close between you two and talk about it . . . you'll get there.

    I think we sometimes know each other without knowing it . . . the cult experience means a lot in common. Sincere best wishes.

    Size.

  • transhuman68
    transhuman68

    All I can say is that everything bad seems to happen at once... and then life is serene again for a long time. You have to hang in there and sort life out a day at a time.

  • 3rdgen
    3rdgen

    Thank you Aza, Imallcool and Sizmik, You are very comforting. I wish we all could meet. When we are hurting this board rises to help and I really appreciate all of you. The stress is making Hubby and I snap at each other terribly. I really a friend tonight thank you for your company.

  • FlyingHighNow
    FlyingHighNow

    Oh my, I am so sorry this is happening to you. We had some similar things with my mother, but never anything this severe. This will pass. It will. They will see the truth about her money and all her house jumping, etc. Take it an hour at the time! I wish I could give you a huge hug.

  • Roski
    Roski

    I also have a long story which I'm happy to share if you wish to pm me - I talked a little of my situatuion on the thread of the death of jwfact's father but have more I could share about what seems to be almost parallel situations.

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