Thank you watchtower...

by punkofnice 36 Replies latest jw experiences

  • punkofnice
    punkofnice

    ..having been raised in your nutty cult I now have confusion over my world view!

    As I'm a Brit we don't go in for therapy. I tend to see it as some bloke trying to ask about Freudian sex associations from my childhood. That's harsh I know. Just kidding.

    Anyway. I sometimes wonder if my world view is either tainted by WBT$ 'mind cleansing' or I'm reacting very opposite to it and in the process not being myself.

    EG. A son of mine wants to join the army. I no longer see the armed forces as serving satan and praise them for their selfless defence of the realm. On the other hand I see their leaders as war mongering blighters and the thought of him joining the army as horrendous. Is that dissonance or what!?! Thank you watchtower.....

    EG. Another son wants to be a security guard/bouncer. Part of me says it's a possibly dangerous but well paid job. Another part of me screams 'world' (TM). Thank you watchtower......

    EG. I want to go into Christian preaching (Baptist or C of E), but I also harbour atheistic views based on my quandry over 'evidence' that any of my prayers were/are ever answered. Dissonance or what!?! Thank you watchtower........

    You see my friends, now I'm well out of the WBT$, I'm not sure if I'm fully the authentic me after being raised in the dangerous cult. 50 years on, recently out. Sometimes I face the world with a stiff upper lip and other times I cower in fear of it. Thank you watchtower.....

    Is this par for the course? Will I ever find the balance? *SIGH* Who knows!

    So. Thank you watchtower...NOT!!! Let this be a warning to any lurkers who are thinking of joining the JWs. It aint worth it, it makes you unbalanced!

    PS. My new years resolution was to stop swearing! Oh BUGGER!!

  • Azazel
    Azazel

    Yes me too punko ive had my brain fucked over by the doctrines of a publishing corporation!

    Az

    PS My new years resolution was to start cussing more! lol

  • designs
    designs

    The search for the authentic self its worth it, the journey and struggle.

    Punk- I have found that the ideas and aims I had as a young boy, 6-10, that age of innocence I suppose are what I now have been able to develop as avocations and vocation.

  • finallysomepride
    finallysomepride

    me too, bastards

  • cantleave
    cantleave

    It takes time to disengage from a life-time of indoctrination.

    My exiting started 3 years ago and I still hear the judgemental voice in my head at times.

    I just ask myself, Is that what I REALLY think? Or am I reflecting the Watch Tower world view?

  • punkofnice
    punkofnice

    Az - glad it aint just me. Sod it!

    Designs - Ineresting. What did I want to do as a kid? Er....be an explorer I remember. I used to enjoy the TV shows about blokes discovering stuff up the amazon. The only discovering likely to happen to me is something nasty up the Khyber pass!

    FSP - Join the gang mate!

    cantleave - Perhaps I'm forcing it. I've been out just under 2 years-ish.

    I just wanna be the real me and not some noodle brained cult casualty with no guts left.

  • 00DAD
    00DAD

    Punk, you've expressed quite well the dilemma that I've found myself in since being out. Of course the details are different, but the mix of thoughts and emotions are the same.

    This new found freedom is sweet but often confusing!

  • NewChapter
    NewChapter

    Hi Punkin. That's a tough one. No matter what we do, our experiences shape us, especially those in our formative years. But WT taught us to deny our own opinions, to set aside our own thoughts in favor of theirs, to suppress our own feelings to see things their way. I feel more and more real everyday, so I know it continues to get better. And for the record:

    I would be REALLY nervous if my daughter wanted to join the military.

    I would be REALLY nervious if she wanted to work a dangerous job.

    I don't know about the preaching thing. I pretty much don't struggle with my atheism. For me, my eyes were not opened to the WT---they were opened to the entire God concept. In other words, when I realized I no longer believed in a god, only then did I take a critical look at WT as an organization. For many, it's the other way around.

    Hang in their Punkin. I think you're doing absolutely great! I like the personality you are building.

    Rock ON

    NC

  • finally awake
    finally awake

    PON - I am struggling with the same question about how to live authentically as myself. Who am I, what do I really believe, what do I really want? It can be overwhelming sometimes and I catch myself wanting someone to just tell me the answers. So right there is the key to why I was so willing to buy the WTBTS line - WOW - I just learned something new about myself.

  • nugget
    nugget

    Finding the authentic self is not always easy after all we have spent decades conforming to the watchtower view suppressing our own thoughts and ideas. Give it time this is not something to be rushed.

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