I understand that initial confusion you are talking about. I call it my "default programme".
It is a hard one to over ride sometimes. I find myself being more aware of it when it happens now. If I'm with someone who knows my breakaway story I tell them about it as it is happening. Remembering it is not real helps.
Does it get easier? Well....I'd say yes - in time the strength of the programming fades although I don't think it will ever go away completely, that means a constant feeling of 'choosing' to do it our own way (with it's own questions as to why).
The feeling of rebelling and doing the opposite of what we were indoctinated with is sometimes just a knee jerk reaction and a feeling of "I'll make my own choices damn you WT".
I think the underlying feeling of the choice 'feeling' right is the one to go with. I had a friend ask me last week if I'd take blood now that I wasn't a Witness. It was good to know that my answer to that was my choice and not based on cult indoctrination but rather based on experience in the medical field.
The choices we make will have consequences. The only difference is that now we take responsibility for the outcome. We are not blind rats following a mandatory route anymore - we have chosen to branch off on our own - that brings it's own excitements and scary moments.
Over all we have all chosen freedom. We have chosen to 'find' ourselves. Yes we had a lot of our lives taken from us and a lot of our thought processes muted but we can reverse that now and enjoy the experience. Knowing we share the journey with like minded people who are going through the same process helps.
The questions and worries for your kids is another matter. The overall wish for their safety is always going to be uppermost in your mind. If they chose to be professional skydivers you'd feel the same concern for their well being. The army and worldy thing is a knee jerk reaction. The underlying concern is their safely. That's normal!
As far as your preaching goes. Follow your heart and feel good about what you choose to do. Throw your passion into it and it will feel right for you.
Remember: No one can tell you what to do anymore. No-one. You (we) have chosen the right to do what we want to do. Enjoy that FREEDOM. Enjoy that RIGHT.
All the best
HOTB
