by punkofnice 36 Replies latest jw experiences
00DAD - Thanks. It's helpful to hear other experiences.
NC - 'Allo darlin'. Aint spoken to you in a while. Thanks for the 'encouragement Sister'(TM)....you see....it doesn't want to leave me!
finally awake (I would have abbreviated this to FA but the other Brits would think I'm breaking my new years res again!)- I'm glad my lil' ol' thread is theraputic for you too.
I don't even thank the watchtower for me not smoking either!
You see my friends, now I'm well out of the WBT$, I'm not sure if I'm fully the authentic me after being raised in the dangerous cult. 50 years on, recently out. Sometimes I face the world with a stiff upper lip and other times I cower in fear of it. Thank you watchtower.....
I call what we have Cult Disorder and It should be in the DSM
The way to combat the symptom(s) you are describing is to identify the scenarios where the old programming is keeping you from doing something. Then have a rule that you always/often do the thing your programming makes you avoid. This forumla works better with smaller decisions, going to the army is something that should require great thought and meditation.
Think of it this way: the Watchtower, in the end, has always wanted your CHOICES, so you gotta stop keep giving them yours even after you have left. Cult Disorder sucks.
-Sab
Nugget - I think the anxiety I feel sometimes makes if feel all the more urgent that I escape these feelings. My oldest lad is 20. Will I never stop trying to protect him?
The whole thing about wanting to be a preacher......where the hell does that come from? I still attend Church and really enjoy the connection with the folk there. They're much more loving and genuine than most of the JWs I've known in my life. .....and yet......I struggle to see evidence of a god in the Biblical sense of a god. I don't discount there might be something.....................and again the old JW thing about 'there is no god so says the fool' is playing like a scratched bladdy record in my head.
I read Dawkins and I like (apart from the boring bits in God Delusion. I find some of it tedious. There I said it!).
I read the Bible & commentaries and I like!
I go to Anglican evensong and I feel spiritual in the ritual.
I feel like such a fraud going from one thing to another like they're just fads and phases.
What you're describing seems pretty "normal" to me. I think the whole point is you are actually thinking for yourself, rather than having the WT do it for you. The different choices/decisions/opinions you cited aren't easy for anyone to make- and if they are, they probably haven't given the subject any thought at all!
just be glad your brain is working on this stuff, and don't worry too much about the "taint" It will work itself out.
Sab - I've bookmarked the wiki for a read later. Guess you're right. Compare the old to the new. I guess the watchtower's strap line was always 'DON'T DO IT! Unless it brings money to the GB!' Now I CAN DO IT but don't know if it's the wise decision or just rebellion against the WBT$. Dang! I won't hold my breath. wink wink!
BOC - Thanks for that. I'm feeling a bit more normal again. It's been a weird leap from depending on the watchtower CDubRom for all my desicions to making them myself.
Now. Shall I have a coffee?..............clicks on the WT Library icon.......no wait..........it isn't there I uninstalled it...................oh, blow it. I'll have tea instead!
Punk, the scandal of the JW mind and the scandal of the JWs self is ultimately the same: there isn't one. The (re)discovery of these things cannot be expected to be easy.
But, where would one begin to go about finding these things? My recommendation, if you care, is to go back to the beginning. Start with The Illiad, think on it, question how it makes you respond to it. Read about the work. Then repeat with Shakespeare, Dante. Stay away from scripture: you have been miseducated in the proper way to read it and it is poison to you now. You've spent many years forcing reality to fit with the conspiracy theory that is the JWs such that you have trouble understanding your own self. People think these works and others get at the truth of our selves, so start there. God speed you.
Sulla - Interesting perspective. The Illiad. Homer from memory. I read Plato's Republic some years ago but it didn't cut the mustard for me. I'm not a prolific reader so prefer short works. That's why I'm struggling with 'the God Delusion'. It's too wordy and keeps going off to 'so and so said' then quoting some bloke. I find it a bit hard going.
That's why we begin with The Illiad, it is filled with rape, murder, hatred, human sacrifice, and other good, clean violence. Stephen Mitchell has a new and very readable version out: no flowery language to get in the way of all the hate. Excellent!
Sulla -
it is filled with rape, murder, hatred, human sacrifice, and other good, clean violence.
Just the ticket. This'll be my next read!
