i am a regular pioneer in my cong reading crisis of conscience.here goes... (page 20)

DesirousOfChange

i just want outtttttttttttttttt......but there's no leaving, is there?

You can check out -- but you can NEVER LEAVE! -- Hotel California - The Eagles

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUevY8GHLiw&feature=fvwrel

Doc

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

i just want outtttttttttttttttt......but there's no leaving, is there?

It's just that there are consequences with leaving. If you go out in a blaze of glory, you lose all your friends and family. If you fade, you have to watch your words and steps, and in the end you may lose all your friends and family anyway. Fading has many uncertainties and can be stressful and exhausting, yet it is the course I'm taking. I want to at least give it a try.

You're already well along on the important journey of mental freedom. Don't underestimate the value of that. It would be brutal to want to leave... but still believe that it's somehow "the truth". You've got plans for college and getting off the pioneer list. Having a plan is a great thing.

Maybe you're not exactly where you want to be, but you're heading in the right direction. And you've actually come a long way in a very short time.

MsGrowingGirl20

Just an Update!

I was reading this thread over and thought that an UPDATE was needed especially for those now 'waking up."

Since last year, I have stopped going meetings and then started again. Stopped and then started again. I had those moments when I hated everything about this religion and just wanted out. On the flip side, I also had those moments when I just wanted to believe and stay in the organization. While talking with a friend, she told me to pray and asked God for a sign. I tested the sign 3 times at home and got no result. She told me that it's because I was doubting Jehovah. I then asked for an obvious sign that I would have no problem having in the hall and obviously, it happened. I started dancing the JW jig for about two weeks again and realized that I just couldn't do it.

After reading Coc, I just couldn't sit in the hall and just listen and believe everything that they were telling me. No matter how hard I tried.

One thing that the posters on here taught me was that I do not have to rush everything like the JW'S do.

Anyway, I started University last year and it's going pretty good. I'm learning a lot. One topic in one of my courses covered 'Indoctrination' and critical thinking skils is a must in all areas. These are things that the leadership in the org do not want you to acquire. I have made a lot of friends and they were really open especially when the friends from the hall started to treat me differently.

I came off pioneering last August and never went to a meeting since last November. No Memorial, Convention or anything. Prior to this, I spoke to older ones, the elders and the CO in my congregation about my doubts and none were able to give me satisfactory answers. All of there answers usually came back to,"But where else? Who else is preacing?" I reallly couldn't swallow that stuff anymore and luckily I was the strongest Witnes in family. So since I stopped, my mom went about 3 times and my cousin has never went. The elders are not bothering me as yet and I feel as though they are just giving me time to commit some sin so they can df me.

My friends don't come around or talk to me anymore. I try to contact the sister who studied with me and three other friends once in a while to find out how they are keeping but they never call me. One time the sister who studied with me started crying and repeating," I know that I'm not supposed to get emotional..." Not supposed to get emotional?? So I guess the elders have told them to not contact me and to not get emotional in the situation.

I've gone through a lot of stages or phases since then. I wanted to be a Muslim, a mainstream Christian and even a Hindu. However, as of right now, I'm not to sure about God.

I'm not sure if He exists and if He does, if He is really concerned with us. It's a process so I don't hold anything into concrete. My views may change and that's what I love abt not being a JW; i can think!

So, I'm trying to live a life based on principles. Not on fear or being a people pleaser. To me, principles are the most consistent for me to base my life on.

Xanthippe

Good for you, sounds like you're doing great

It's a process so I don't hold anything into concrete. My views may change and that's what I love abt not being a JW; i can think! So, I'm trying to live a life based on principles. Not on fear or being a people pleaser.

That's the best way, who wants ideas set in concrete? I plan to keep changing my views, as and when new evidence comes along, my whole life. Take care.

S EIGHT

Nice update :-)

James Jackson

Keep us updated on your progress! I am curious of the thought process and mindset of leaving JW's.

Newly Enlightened

Thanks for the update. Glad things are going well for you.

cantleave

Good update.

DATA-DOG

Did you ask for a specific sign to leave or stay? Just curious because I have done the same. What was your answer?

Terry

MsGrowinggirl20:

I'm not sure if He exists and if He does, if He is really concerned with us. It's a process so I don't hold anything into concrete. My views may change and that's what I love abt not being a JW; i can think!

So, I'm trying to live a life based on principles. Not on fear or being a people pleaser. To me, principles are the most consistent for me to base my life on.

I was born with a relationship with god (notice the small "g") and as a child I had easy and comfortable conversations.

My family never set foot in a church but I was reared with god of the bible as a "given".

I couldn’t tell you how god got inside me except that a heartbeat informed me He lived in my veins and sailed on the river of blood flowing through me, listening for my call or a beckoning thought.

Something inside me confessed He was real. I had only to whisper a prayer and reach outward to touch the firm outline of God’s face and feel safe assurance.

When I encountered Jehovah, this was a completely different thing! It didn't match!. This wasn't my childhood god.

I abandoned the little "g" and ran off with the big "G" instead.

It was like god had gone away and returned all grown up and had changed His name for show business sake.

Jehovah and I had an abusive relationship, I did everything He asked and He was never satisfied. I was an enabler for His megalomania.

Well, a person can only take just so much and they either have to completely let the light go out in their soul or plan their getaway to

regain their self-respect.

I slipped away and thought I was free, but, He followed me and brought me back just so He could end it between us.

Some people have to have the last word and hold all the power.

It took me years and years of emptiness and anger and longing but it was worth it.

I discovered the "small voice" in the whirlwind and it was like finding an old friend.

I got "g" back again like a warm drink swallowed on a cold winter evening.

We have been doing lots of catching up and I'm at peace again.

I can assure you that if you have the spirit of a child and can find wonder in the laughter of children and song of mockingbird

you have found all you need to pull you through.

That other one.....the big "G" was, as far as I'm concerned an imposter and a bully who can't love anybody who can't be bullied and kept afraid.

To that sad character I say, "Good riddance."

One day you will too!

We don't need old books autographed by deity to know how to live our life, we just need to be free to love without cross-examination.

Having a list of rules guide my ability to show kindness to somebody who doesn't think the way I do is not list of rules worth having!

I'm not better than the others; I'm just the same as everybody.

I don't belong to an elite who get to fly First Class to heaven while the others burn. I get to rub elbows with ordinary folk just as ignorant as I am.

If you can unhitch your brainwagon from that Watchtower towtruck you'll find out very fast that the highway out of Bullshitville leads to

a better kind of paradise!

Good luck.

i am a regular pioneer in my cong reading crisis of conscience.here goes...

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