Struggling

by Alive! 48 Replies latest jw experiences

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  LisaRose

  ((((Hugs))))) back to you Alive. It shouldn't surprise me that you would be treated so poorly, but it does. It makes be both mad and sad. I think the JW mindset is a sort of "survival of the fittest". People have been made to feel their salvation depends on doing everything perfectly, so they don't have time or energy to spare for helping others. Once you falter they will step over on the way to their own salvation.

  It's so wrong and counter to what a they claim to be. According to the bible, the mark of true Christians is love. Not door to door preaching, not magazine publishing, but love. You are not the first to suffer from this, in my case I thought i was because my husband was disfellowshipped, but the many experiences I have read tell me that it makes no difference what your situation is, any little deviation from total adherence to Watchtower rules and you are written off, damaged goods, not good enough.

  But never mind, however painful that must have been it did lead you here, to the real truth, and now you are free. You should be glad your husband left with you, at least you have that. I am sixty also and I have never been happier. I have been married for fifteen years to the guy I wouldn't date in High School because he wasn't a JW, he is the love of my life and my soul mate. So Iwasted thirty years in this religion, but I got a second chance and I made the most of it.

  You have gotten a second chance also, so make it count.
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  GrreatTeacher

  Hi, Alive! I just wanted to let you know that I hear the amount of pain you are in and you're in my thoughts.

  I suffer from bipolar disorder and sometimes the depression gets bad. Psychological pain is real pain and I can empathize.

  My advice is to be kind to yourself daily. Go outside and get some exercise in the sunshine. Eat healthy food. Go to the produce section and buy beautiful, colorful fruits and veggies! Take a warm bubble bath. Drink chamomile tea before bed. Get plenty of sleep. Leave your shades open so you wake up to sunshine!

  And, please go see your doctor if you begin to feel absolutely hopeless. Depression is common, but a diagnosed major depressive episode can be deadly.

  You will be able to build a new life. There are sooo many others on this board who have had their young adult years stolen and who are now building a positive and even exciting new life.

  Thank you for dropping in. It will be such a pleasure to get to know you better!
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  Crazyguy

  I have a friend that left his congregation of 25 years. He went through problems with his wife a she was df'd, he got no support no friends coming around no shoulder to cry on. He left seeing that there was no love after all and he gave up family for nothing. This congregation also has not had a newbie in all that time.
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  Alive!

  Aren't you all lovely? Just lovely.

  i want to reply to each and everyone of you - it's so good to be heard. To be understood.

  You know, a couple of points that stand out - "survival of the fittest" and "eating up their own"

  A close non-JW relative of ours observed EXACTLY that point.

  She also said something on the lines that "the religion seems to spit out those who get weak and are in need".

  She saw neglect in action when I took her with me to visit a needy sister.

  Together we put together a box of food, tried to clean her house and went back with more supplies. The sister kept curtains drawn and was deeply depressed....but managed to get to the meetings.

  No-one - I mean NO-ONE in her congregation helped. I lived 45 minutes from her and my relative and I were the only ones that kept tabs on her and her little family.

  Just brothers would turn up in suits seeing if they could start a study with her youngest. And leave without any offer to put in a few hours of much needed practical help.

  The relative in question was absolutely disgusted that this woman's "church" - ie her KH - they did nothing to support her in a practical way, like clearing the yard, or small jobs.

  i noticed that my local church has a telephone number for those in the community who may need an odd job done by a handy man.... Free of charge.
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  millie210

  One thing I found here Alive was that as painful and personal as my story was, it was shared by many. As I read peoples accounts of how they got here, I started to view my own story as not so much "mine" as "ours". The common themes being neglect of human dignity, running away when times got hard to leave people to struggle alone, lack of basic kindness (like you mentioned above) and most of all, conditional love.

  I thought when I first got here that no one would ever be able to "get" what I had been through. The pain of it was so raw that even to type it I would start to cry and just stop typing. Even breathing hurt at the worst point.

  I read about one young man left to struggle alone at the hospital while his parent died over the blood issue and the elders didnt want to bother to come even though they were called.

  Or the parents with the son under judicial discipline who got cancer and the congregation still wouldnt support his parents while they tried to deal with that blow.

  There are hundreds more stories here. Those are not even the worst - they are just two that I remember in this moment.

  It helped me a lot to read all of this because I was able to realize that I had gotten caught up in something that makes no sense.

  From that realization I could slowly start to trace back all the ridiculous pain filled moments and realize that I knew where to assign" the crazy" now.

  This religion causes very harsh reactive responses in people. What a relief to see it wasnt personal.

  We form a unique group here. We all know what each other is talking about!
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  Alive!

  From that realization I could slowly start to trace back all the ridiculous pain filled moments and realize that I knew where to assign" the crazy" now.

  I love this.
  I never, ever dreamt one day.... This would be me. Reading this.

  I'm heading bobbing in true JW style!
  
  All of you have been so kind. I'm going to go back and read all your responses again...they are so full of value. Thank you with all my heart.
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  Pete Zahut

  Alive,

  I don't have much time to answer as thoroughly as I'd like, but your story is very touching and it mirrors ours so closely that I had to say something. I just wanted to assure you that although it didn't seem possible at first, if a mid 50's couple like Mrs. Zahut and I can survive the same upheaval and disillusionment you've described in your post, so can you. If you are like us, the more distance from the watchtower organization you put behind you, the more the depression, anxiety and mental distress you've been experiencing, will fade. Once the scales fall from your eyes, continuing to force yourself to continue in the same manner as before, is terribly damaging and we did so for way too long.
  

  it's like 'cake' - they said. All the ingredients make cake, but apart from cake they are something else, eggs, flour etc.

  Your Pioneer friends explanation is just one example of the insane "red herring" style reasoning you are expected to sit by quietly and swallow as a JW. They use these illustrations that at first glance appear to be reasonable but a second later when they sink in, they make you want to tear your hair out and cause you to question everything else they say as well.
  

  Comparing the baking or "putting together" of ingredients to make an ordinary cake, to the deconstruction or "separating out" of "sacred" whole blood, is a ludicrous comparison.

  In one process you are using separate ingredients to build something ordinary, in the other, you are taking an already existing "sacred" substance and taking it completely apart. These are two very different processes, never mind the fact that If you took whole cake and tried to separate out it's ingredients, you'd have a pile of useless cake crumbs.

  Anyway, I'm glad you've told us a little of your back story (there's always more isn't there ?) and I hope doing so has brought you a measure of relief . -Pete
  
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  Stumpy

  Hi Alive,

  Big hugs from me and Mrs Stumpy too. We're both feeling very raw like you too at the moment so you have a lot of sympathy and empathy from us.

  I started going out on service nearly every day - my heart sank more and more as uncomfortable realities kept challenging me. I would endure, for the "truth". But the "truth" was falling apart.

  I know EXACTLY how you feel, this was me too.

  My life is not one big sad story and neither is my future.

  I guess I'm just processing this transition.

  I do have much to look forward to - but as you all know, it's no small thing to have your beliefs die on you...and to lose your "life" as you knew it in the process

  That's a great outlook Alive, one we're trying to maintain too. It's very difficult to loose everything you've believed in all your life though hey. We too gave up having kids for the truth and the thought of never being parents hurts so bad sometimes

  Again BIG hugs from us!
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  cha ching

  Dear Alive, hugs to you and your hubby... Both my husband and I, and our two boys and daughter in law made it out! We are your age, I had friends "for life", and the same thing happened to me when I tried to ask questions, or explain something...

  Really, after reading on this site for almost two years, you come to realize that all of the GOOD people are the ones leaving. They have a conscience, they really do care about people. Not that the others cannot awaken, but people who have their consciences disturbed, and will not put up with lies or deceit, are really the honest hearted ones.

  If asked if we would follow Jesus principles if it conflicted with man made rules, we would. Even if people would disagree. Doing what is right is more important than following men. It's very weird, but that is what I thought I was taught, but do not see it.

  I had a friend come to visit, and she just 'gushed' over having gone to Bethel, and sat in a chair, that one of the governing body's wife's had! Wow!

  It's not you, really, that has the problem... As many others have said "the same happened to me," that is because they are brainwashed, and programmed to say the same thing. I had the very same thing happen to me when I said "those meetings are boring' (I was talking about RBC meetings, but she was talking about Zone meetings) and she hung up on me... "How could I talk about our dear brothers like that?"

  Jehovah's Witnesses do not have real, true, deep faith... otherwise, they COULD talk about any thing without fear...

  Try the meetup.com or meet with people who like to do the same as you, pursue some hobby you always wished to have time to do... Go dancing!! My fave!

  Luv, cha ching!
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  PokerPlayerPhil

  There's something wrong in a religion or group of people who treat you like you were in high school. Only in Jehovah Witness Land can you relive all your high school experiences (hanging out with the cool crowd (elders, elderettes,pioneers, circuit overseers) begging to go to their parties. Instead it's you who must invite them because the bulk always have reasons why they can't invite others but love hospitality! High School, you had plenty of fake friends and they were so good at taking and begged away from giving. Think again about your experiences in high school, reflect how those kids acted. Really, how many are you still in touch with, now that's JW Land except your older now!

  No matter how much Field Service you do it's going to leave you empty inside because your not doing God's Work, your expanding the interest of a Multinational Publishing Company who took the "Christ" out of Christian and replaced it with "Governing Body"(no mention of them in the Bible) or Slave(when was the last time the Slave did any work for you, this Slave killed off the Master and took his place and beat's his fellow slaves when they tell him their betraying the traveling Master.

  Everyone here has gone through emotional troubles and family issues trying the best we can to navigate life, one obvious truth is the Watchtower and Kingdom Halls offer no support or comfort whether your alone in a hospital or suffering as some old Jehovah Witness in a rest-homes everyone forgot about. The Organization is about "What have you done for me Today?" not, "how can I slave for you and get you back to equilibrium?".

  Jehovah's Witnesses are witnesses to the fact they are selfish, don't care about the World, take as much as they can from this System without putting anything back. I've seen more tax-frauds who were Jehovah's Witnesses than any other religion, it seems JWs are immune from doing the right thing while slapping themselves on the backs for a job not done!

  any other questions?