Help: Been Disfellowshipped for 6 Days

by weskerbouts 36 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Fernando

  Welcome weskerbouts!

  Sorry to hear about the way this was handled. Many here have gone through this "freaking out" stage to a more calm and rational place. Actually though I think you are handling matters more calmly and rationally at this trying point than many of us may have at the time.

  You have your miracle - a major (albeit painful) event that is setting you free from religion/ists!

  And its great that the bad experience has not turned you away from God, faith, spirituality or the gospel ("good news")!

  The fact is you have been disfellowshipped because you have a conscience, and they are ignorant and blind to how they should have responded and helped. This is no way to treat someone who is addicted and wants help! But it is a great way to open your eyes to some unpleasant truths and realities about religion/ists.

  In time you may be delighted to discover that "the truth" is a person (John 14:6) who absolutely delights in helping us out with our addictions! He is observing closely your journey out of religion and would be delighted should you choose him over religion.

  I was addicted to religion (the Watchtower's version) and it's definitely worse than pornography, since one is actively worshipping the "god of religion" and snubbing the "God of Abraham". How on earth can one beat any addiction like that?

  I would highly recommend seeing a good Psychologist and coming to grips with CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy). This is part of the secret to unravelling addiction (of any description). Our (addictive or aberrant) behaviour is underpinned by (addictive or aberrant) emotions and feelings, which are underpinned by (addictive or aberrant) thinking, which is underpinned by (addictive or aberrant) beliefs, which in turn is underpinned by a low SQ (Spiritual Quotient). Religion is not the answer! It is often the problem! Just read Matthew 23!

  (CBT stops at beliefs and does not yet consider spirituality).

  Oh and by the way religion is really anti-sex, whereas Jesus is pro-sex and anti-religion!

  Fear, shame, guilt and embarrassment are not of God, they are from the enemy. Jesus loves setting us free from these demonic strongholds employed by religionists, so that we can journey with him whilst we are transformed from within, something supremacist window dressing religion can never accomplish.

  Ray Franz' books are a MUST read! They are rather big and represent a journey in itself! He was the real deal mind you! For a summary of his book "In search of Christian freedom" you may want to read the Awake article condemning "legalism" and promoting its opposite. This brilliant article was most likely written by Ray (g79 6/8 pp. 27-28).

  Since we humans may give conflicting or erroneous advice it is always best to go to the source - God himself - and on his generous terms namely those outlined in the generous, full and unabridged gospel message (the real "good news") as partly and powerfully described in Romans 3 and 4 where a right standing with God is IMPUTED to believers as an UNMERITED free gift, despite us still being sinners and making mistakes!!!
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  weskerbouts

  Guys, I don't know what to make of my life. I feel like I don't even know who I am. There are moments when I just feel like going back but I can't... not with knowing what I know now especially. Yesterday for the first time I went into a church. I tried to listen mostly and I even participated in discussions. I was there from 12:30pm to 6:45pm.

  I was very surprised at the level of kindness and interest shown to me, esp. by the teenagers (teens are usually to themselves and very opinionated, judgmental)--some who later confessed to me things about themselves and then would remark, "I have no idea why I told you that, but I feel like I've known you for a long time!" Others told me I 'fit in so well with everyone'. The elderly women of that church even held my hands when they talked to me (I was told later that those particular women usually aren't that expressive or welcoming) and there seemed to be something of an overall buzz in the church. Only the Pastor was a little aloof, watching me. We spoke at times but he seemed to be more interested in observing me first. I honestly felt sick to my stomach on my way in. Plagued with this feeling like I was going to be struck with leprosy for stepping foot in there, but it was also kind of freeing.

  I'm not sure what to do really, but I think I should take a break from religion at least for a while. Maybe I should look to start schooling soon. I don't know what though. I want it to be something involving helping people. Maybe a go for a BA in theology or even a medical doctor. When I knew I was going to be disfellowshipped it was something I constantly thought about and even mentioned to some of the congregational elders. Of course, you can guess what relatively were their replies. Since the announcement I have not been to a meeting, didn't even go today. Though I thought yesterday 'after having gone to a church, I might as well go to the Hall'. I guess that stemmed from a feeling of guilt but I realize that's probably indoctrintaion taking over, an emotional response.

  I even told my younger brother who is not a JW just about ten minutes ago I went to a church yesterday, and he told me, "Rob, if you're not a Witness, even I don't know who you are. I don't know what to think..." It's been who I was for the past 7-8 years of my life and since we were small we were exposed to the teachings. I had wanted to be a Circuit Overseer. I put off marriage, school, and well, I gave most of all I could...

  I'm very depressed... I don't show it maybe, but I can say it. I'm frustrated but I have no one to blame I feel. I blame the Devil, but he isn't infront of me to curse.

  In time like this, what have some of you done?
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  Band on the Run

  Will someone please tell me what SDA is?
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  3dogs1husband

  seventh day adventist @ band on the run
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  Hoffnung

  Hi Weskerbout,

  Welcome, and sorry to read about your sorrow.

  What you can do:

  - Realize you just connected to a new set of friends. Keep on posting here how you feel and what you think. Some of us were once where you also are now. Many can relate to your feelings.

  - Realize also that you mistook your elders for shepherds. You asked them for help, and they kicked you out in a cold dark world, sure you would be alone out there. They are no sheperds, they are powerfreaks, who got high on the ecstasy of ruining your personal life. (once you realize this, it easy enough to find out how you get reinstated, while hiding your true feelings for those hypocrites). I find it quite shocking they form a JC and disfellowship for viewing P, because many elders have problems with that themselves. I would imagine the could handle that without a JC. You were so honest to come for it, can't them bastards see that? Are you sure none of them had a kind of envy against you, and saw this as an excellent occasion to get rid of you? If you feel better in another church, why not. just do not replace one high-control religion with another one.

  - Get enrolled in social activities, sports and alike, do not stay on your own. read the many experiences of others on this board, you will find indications for your way out. Now you took the big step to go search on the internet, do a lot of research.

  - Do NOT write any letters in the next few months to the congregation. Please be aware you are emotionally unstable at the moment (absolutely normal), and you will regret any big decisions you take. If you want to be reinstated, you will have to play the most humble person in the universe for at least a year, going to most of the meetings with a colored study watchtower, being ignored by all.

  - Enjoy your freedom, with moderation. Don't do shocking things, but go to concerts, theather, find a hobby, music instrument, drawing, etc...

  Hang in there. You will make it.

  Hoffnung
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  OnTheWayOut

  Let me discuss your opening post without reading further down the line to others and their excellent posts.

  ...having come forward about my sin (problem).

  I am glad you put "problem" in afterward. To be clear, you need to stop letting some cult (or any religion) define the things you do as "sins." I can agree that most illegal things that WTS would define as "sins" are immoral- murder, rape, assault, etc. Otherwise, it is a shame that they are given this power over people.

  You came forward, wishing help. They don't understand addictions. They just know you are a repeat violator of their rules. If you believe it's a problem, I hope you get some help, but don't feel you must lower your self-respect for doing what comes naturally to many people.

  My immediate family with who I live with are not JWs.

  I so hope that someone has helped you to think about just walking away. You will lose your JW friends no matter what and it sounds like you don't have really anything else to lose. Finish learning about WTS and the JW's and don't feel any pressure to hurry up.

  I think, maybe, my father who did not raise me and who came later in my life as an SDA was brought here for a reason, but again, I'm not sure. I am waiting for a 'sign'.

  No matter what I say, believers will skewer me for trying to make a statement from my current non-belief position. Please be careful what you view as "a sign." JW's come to doors because they are out there so much- but it appears to some as a sign. Some people are bound to be asking for a sign when JW's come by. Same with SDA relatives. There are coincidences out there. Do not be in a hurry to just jump right into something else. Slow down and remember to relax about life changes.

  Good luck, whatever the case.
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  harleybear

  Dear help: been DF for 6 days.

  First and formost understand that the body of elders and not trained, professional therapists. They are in no way qualified to counsel, guide, or mentor on mattesr of addition. Although I was raised JW and was "active" until my mid 20"s then became "inactive"I thought it was a good idea to "get back in" in my late 40"s. During my "out time" I married my husband, a globe head (that is a worldly person ) who by the was is the best thing that ever happen to me. Only one problem, I had developed a big drinking habit in recent years. Knowing I needed to stop I thought going back would help. Imagine my surprize when my husband were invited to a dinner party at an elders house with several other JW's who all got sloshed to the gills. It was a few weeks later after confiding in another elder about my concerns about my drinking the word got out (as it always does) and the same elder who held the party corned me in the KH and informed me that I would be looking at judicial disipline. For some strange reason I quessed he was doing a little CYA. I said bring it on, but informed him that I was going to be brutally honest about his little dinner party including the several incidents of "brothers" hitting on me. Now understand I was the one with the "problem" but did not drink that night because of my desire to stop drinking and respect his home. When I shared this with my husband he went postal and since then has made it eminently clear to all JW's who visit our home or attempt to shepard that he will not have any of it. Works for me !!!!!!!! by the way I have been sober for sometime with the help of support from friends and loved one , all none being JW's, and knowing God will grant me the serenity of accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. You hang in there and if the matter of porn is a concern to you, seek real help. Harleybear and...ridin free