Choices you have to make after you learn the "truth" (page 2)

flipper

Choice # 2 is generally what I did. Although I didn't fade- just stopped attending cold turkey over 8 years ago. Some of my JW family shuns me, but not all of them. I agree with JW Facts- a person needs to hold to their integrity in spite of it hurting emotionally, because it will hurt you in a more pronounced longer way psychologically if you go AGAINST your integrity as your whole rest of your life will be a fake representation of what you really believe within - that the WT society is a dangerous mind control cult.

The optimum thing for you is if your wife exits eventually. How is that coming right now ? Is she doubting the organization ? Or attending less meetings ? It would be great for your children if both of you stop . Then your children will be raised to think freely with open minds. Hang in there buddy. I know it's a tough challenge . But remember being true to oneself is much more fulfilling than being true to an organization who doesn't care if you exist or not. You're just a field service statistic reporting time to the WT society

RayPublisher

@ Broken Promises - If by the term "big sky daddy" you are trying to make fun of and discredit those of us that believe in God or a creator, then your comment is barely better than the WT. They seek to discredit and marginalize those that don't believe as they do. Isn't that what you are doing as well? I have no problem with your belief that "God" is an invention of man, but do you respect those of us that feel there must be a Creator? DO you repsect our beliefs?

The rest of your advice though is actually positive, thank you. Showing respect for your fellow posters and ex-JWS that do believe in a Creator would illustrate that despite thinking you are "just an animal", you still follow the Golden Rule.

Crisis of Conscience

I feel for you SIAM, I really do. I personally though think that your personal integrity is more important.

I don't have kids, but I am married. My wife is not a strict JW, but believes it's the truth. That prevents me from pulling the band aid off because I still want to be supportive of her, namely socially. She's not completely open to associate with non-witnesses. So I have kept up appearances, only in the form of attending the meetings fairly regularly. Everything else, including the ministry, I have stopped, though I will do the occasional talk, bible reading.

I'm generally a very social person. So I don't fear walking away and loosing "friends." I KNOW I can make other friends, and I already have. That doesn't trouble me one bit. My problem or worry is having to divide my time between my wife and my new friends, if she's not on board to associate with them. And that honestly, I'd say, is the only thing keeping me in right now. Otherwise, I just could care less.

But the children factor has definitely got to add weight to the matter, and I'm saddened that you have to face that, just because you want to be honest with yourself. I wish mental peace for you despite these circumstances and hope you can reach a comfortable consclusion in your life. My thoughts are with you and anyone else in this situation. Eff the organization for doing this to people.

CoC

Broken Promises

RayPublisher: toughen up, princess.

dozy

Nighmare scenario. All I can tell you is what I decided - eventually I just had to call it a day as I couldn't knowingly teach my children falsehoods & bring them up knowingly in a cult. The danger in staying in is that you might well get to the point I did when literally I was about to walk out of the KH during the meeting. I wanted to leave with some element of dignity , at my own time and on my own terms.

Life does go on. Shunning from family & so-called friends hurts but you can make better friends ,ones that give you unconditional friendship. Although my wife is still (nominally) a JW , our relationship is stronger as it is based on openness & honesty. I was lucky - but had it all fallen apart , then so be it. Better than just kicking the can down the road & having my kids go through what I had to go through.

The very best of luck & I hope that however you decide to manage the situation , it works for you.

outsmartthesystem

I feel for you bro. I am in the EXACT same boat.

If you leave quietly and fade.....why would you be absolutely shunned? Yes....some will ignore you but it isn't as if your DF'd. I would imagine that SOME of your friends and family would still talk to you, no?

It is my opinion that you have 3 options:

1) keep towing the line

2) Fade and just keep deflecting and probing questions so you remain "inactive" as opposed to DF'd

3) DA yourself

1 is not an option for a man with personal dignity. Nor is 3 if you have any hope of maintaining your immediate family. 2 is what I am doing now. Hopefully some day I will get through to my wife. If that happens.....I will quickly do number 3.

tornapart

SIAM.. I am in EXACTLY that same position you're in now.. except my kids are grown and already been taught. My dilemma is the same as yours and I really don't know what to do! I found jwstruggle a great help and I know you post there too. (Some great posts btw). It's almost impossible to know what to do, I'm just taking it day by day, sometimes it makes me feel physically sick at the meetings. Many times I just can't face going. FS I keep to an absolute minimum. I have to bite my tongue to stop myself telling everyone what I really think and feel. If I could leave tomorrow with no repercussions I would. Unfortunately it's not possible.

00DAD

SIAM,

YOU will know the truth, and the truth will set YOU free. - John 8:32

I think you know what you must do.

The door to freedom is open, but you must be willing to walk through it. How many walk over to the door and shut it with themselves still inside, willing prisoners! Afraid of freedom. Before you were an unwitting prisoner held against your will. Now the only thing holding you back is your own fear.

Do not think I'm encouraging anything rash. On the contrary. That's what I did and I wouldn't recommend it. There is another way. But it still requires courage. If not for yourself, then for your children.

wannabefree posted this on another thread. Have you seen it? This may be helpful ... check it out.

How I helped my family leave Jehovah's Witnesses

00DAD

tornapart

That is a really good article 00DAD... very helpful

00DAD

tornapart: wish I knew about it four or five years ago.

Choices you have to make after you learn the "truth"

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