Dealing with elders during my mom's surgery (page 4)

discreetslave

You seem like you can handle things but it helps to have someone.
If I had the means I'd be there for you. Stay strong and keep us posted.

Hi Noni1974. I hope things go well for your mom and for your family. It's hard enough to deal with family illness and then the added stress of sanctimonious goof balls who may try to throw their weight around. I really can't add more to the great advice you have received already. I can only say what I would do. Be there for my MOTHER and no one else. Her wishes are paramount and MUST be adhered to. If you are quietly intense you will carry so much more power than getting upset. As the other posters have said, these clowns have no hold on ANYONE that is not given to them. In my experience quiete determination followed with a good strategy of support for the person you are there for works best. Pick your battles. Expect the best but plan for the worst, I know I resorted to a cliche but it works. My favorite was to say nice and quiet " I'm sorry I don't believe I was speaking to you....I was speaking to my mother", when they would try to play the control game. However that being said I have found in recent experience here; in Canada; that most elders who serve on hlc and patient visitation and non confrontational . They know they don't have a leg to stand on if they play games or try to assert authority over a patient's wishes.

Anyway take care and hugs to you, hope everything will work out and you can work on the recovery phase; for both your mom and YOU.

Kensei

BluesBrother

Best wishes Noni and for your mother at this difficult time

At least this time you are better prepared and you have thought through how to handle things and what your limits are......

Good luck to you

144001

EXCUSE MY FRENCH BUT THROW THOSE FUCKING CLOWNS OUT!!!!!!!!

I dealt with the same problem just before my father passed away. The elders had the audacity to instruct hospital personnel about my dad's care, and they lied to the nurses and said that they had authority to make my dad's decisions for him!!!! I made sure the hospital staff knew that these folks had no authority whatsoever and that they (the hospital staff) were compromising my father's privacy by allowing these jackasses to be where they could see my father's records, etc..

Now dad didn't want a blood transfusion, and I, of course, honored his wishes. But it pissed me off to see these fucking assholes strutting around as if they had any say in the matter. I made sure to let them know they weren't welcome.

Sorry for the swearing. I could find no better way of expressing these thoughts. I still miss Dad a lot and don't have good memories of the actions taken by the "friends" at the time of his passing.

noni1974

It's getting close now. My mom won't know until tomorrow if she is well enough for the surgery. I'm hoping that she is because I don't want to have to go through this stress again. Plus I have to gear myself up to see my sister and be civil. That alone is going to be hard. I will be bringing my HP Mini laptop and my homework so that I will be busy most of the time and I won't be bothered with the idiot brigade.

Thanks for the advice and support. It really helps to know that I have people who understand to vent to.

noni1974

It will be happening tomorrow. I got the final word this afternoon. I will be at the hospital all day tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to this.

ziddina

Noni, I sincerely hope that your mum is strong enough...

Would there be greater difficulties if they had to delay the operation a week or two??

[and on a slightly different note]

I am so glad to see that AquaGirl has posted on this thread...

Her thread was the one that I was trying to think of, earlier...

Dealing with elders during my mom's surgery

discreetslave

Kensei01

BluesBrother

144001

noni1974

noni1974

ziddina

finally awake

ex360shipper

TheSilence

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