My really long introduction... (page 3)

troubled mind

What steps ARE you taking to protect your daughter from getting caught up in her Father's religion ??

Hello Madge and Welcome to the forum. What a very sad and moving account. You sound to be a lovely caring and trusting lady. As you've related you have begun to see the damage that this cruel organisation can inflict on people. Please take very good care to protect your daughter from them. Secure your parental rights. Do whatever it takes, but don't for a second let her get in any way involved. Not if you love her and want her in your life for always.

So many of us have lost children to this cult, trust me our advice is sound and solid and based on heartbreaking experiences.

I wish you only well, and look forward to your future posts.

Loz x

diamondiiz

Hello,

As long as he believes Watchtower bullshit, you should stay away from him. Get him to research his organization or read Crisis of Conscience if he actually allows himself to do so. Since his family has hard core cult mentality, it boils down to him choosing you and the child or the cult which at this point he will most likely choose the cult. If for some reason he says he won't go back to the watchtower but has not researched the cult you can bet that he will go back down the road since the instilled guilt and fear will eat at him until he returns. Only if the man rids himself of the psychological damage that watchtower caused him, can he be more normal person.

Those with deep instilled fears and guilt are not good mates to live with. They will have intimacy problems, control problems and many other undesirable traits you don't need in a relationship and the relationship will only deteriorate in time.

So many people have been hurt by the cult or by having relations with someone attached to the cult. Wish you all the best.

its_me!

Madge--- I am so sorry that you are going through this, but I am so happy that you are protecting your daughter. Kudos to you! The way your guy was treated in regards to the passing of his mother is disgusting. How dare the elders try to tell him when and where he can grieve and pay his respects to her. I hope that he will reflect on the horrible way that those who fall short of their standards are treated, and compare it to the way that Jesus taught his followers to treat others. Maybe then he will come to the conclusion that this organization is most definitely NOT backed by God's spirit.

Hang in there and keep us updated! Sending good thoughts your way!

Madge

We have a custody arrangement in place, of every other weekend. i would not give him 50/50 like he wanted because he refused to sign off on her legal rights, which gives me control over her religious practices. The fact that he verbally assured me that he would not have her attend the Kingdom Hall meetings etc... but wouldnt put it in writing is a good indicator to me that he has every intention of doing so. It was mentioned at our child custody hearing, however the case workers neice happened to be a JW and when I brought up the concern to her and told her that he has verbally told me again and again that he would leave it out of our daughters life she refused to put that into our agreement. For now, he hasnt done anything JW with her. I should clarify that she is a year and half.

I did get in touch with expert child custody, and Duane Magnani. He is an incredible guy, and has great insight. For now however, I am arming myself with knowledge, and a whole lot of humor! I dont intend to shelter my daughter about it. I have a diary and everyday i write what her dad is doing to me as part of being a JW. I include things i have collected out of Watchtower and Awake Magazines and prayers for her daddy. I have also put cult information in there and mind control. When she gets older, I have every intention of teaching her about how abusive of a religion it is and how important it is to pray for her daddy to be released from his religious blindness.

The strange thing about "Virge" is that he never once witnessed to me. Even before I really knew anything about their faith, or God in general. I never for a second held my opinions back though and I do believe that he is somewhat afraid of my strong will (as he should be). I have threatened to march through the kingdom hall in ripped fishnets, heels, and red lipstick, and squeeze in next to him at the next meeting if he continued to exclude me from his friends, and I meant it. I learned that JWs are good at dancing around confrontation like their pants are on fire. But, the beauty in it is that they are afraid of everything! I mean EVERYTHING. They live in fear of eachother and worldly people, they live in fear of Armageddon,and Satan taking over their minds,and most of all their image. It's sad to watch, but a great advantage at times.

diamondiiz

Madge:

The reason he didn't want you around his "friends" is because he wasn't supposed to be with you in the first place and was hiding his actions from other JWs which would have got him disfellowshipped long time before he did.

JWs view outsiders as world, bad association who cause problems for JWs. He didn't witness to you probably because he was ashamed to be with you frm the start thinking that he was breaking God's law in the first place so in his mind he was bringing reproach on God's name which is probably why he kept his religious background hidden from you as long as he did. If the fear and guilt that makes witnesses act as they do. Because there are so many crazy witness beliefs that they we ourselves were ashamed of which is why many times we never gave straight answers to question which is what he seems to do. Witnesses teach all non witnesses will die but that is not what they would tell you at the door when they preach, likewise many other questions they will dance around trying to avoid straight forward answers. Is he reinstated right now?

ps. I use JW in a general sense, not all JWs are total drones, and not all shun and not all would avoid direct answers but IMO majority would.

Lozhasleft

Its a relief to hear that you have taken legal precautions to protect your daughter, all credit to you. As she gets a little older if he still believes the WTBS is the 'truth' there are all sorts of ways for him to 'witness' to your daughter outside a kingdom hall. The organisation advises members how to reach children's hearts who are prevented from attending meetings for one reason or another, and I'm sure in certain circumstances he (nor any JW) wouldn't hesitate to put them into practice.

For example, even now he could be 'praying to Jehovah' with her and instilling their Bible beliefs into her mind...it is amazing how receptive infants can be. They quote Deuteronomy's advice about 'inculcating' love for God into children, which really means constant repetition, as the best way to rear them in 'God's ways'. That's excellent in theory but can be misused in circumstances like yours, and of course if she's surrounded by his JW family they will be only too keen to reaffirm those beliefs to her as well.

Please dont think I'm trying to worry you unnecessarily I'm just hoping to increase your awareness of how it can be, to arm you as fully as possible as to what you are potentially going to be dealing with.

I'm not clear if your relationship continues with this guy, but if it does, please be careful, the awful cruelty you have witnessed in the JWs is a mindset that when 'inside' is virtually impossible to recognize as cruel and wrong. Weird I know ...its a weird damn cult.

Loz x

steve2

Hey Madge - sorry if I came across as implying you were a predator. It was just a reflection on how gender colors perceptions of behavior. Of course you're not a predator. He's a grown man - at least biologically. And it's not as if he did not have a choice.

Be aware that, even though he's a JW - albeit a (temporarily) disfellowshipped one - he will be an expert at keeping firm boundaries around his different "sets" of relationships. He would have had a well-developed ability to keep his "life" with you separated from his "life" with the witnesses. To be fair to this man, that's probably the only way he's learned to survive.

Other posters are of course correct: He wouldn't dare have revealed your existence to the witnesses because they would have instantly judged him or worse. Far better for him to "confess" his sin to the elders, take the punishment and make his way back to the comfort of the kingdom hall play school. Until he feels the need to go a wandering again. Children are like that: It's hard to remain obedient to the big people when the urge to play elsewhere takes over. Poor pathetic guy. Lucky you to have been set free.

Think About It

have threatened to march through the kingdom hall in ripped fishnets, heels, and red lipstick, and squeeze in next to him at the next meeting if he continued to exclude me from his friends, and I meant it.

I haven't been to a meeting since I left over 16 years ago, BUT......this is one meeting I would go to.

Think About It

Adiva

Hi Madge.

I would want to know how he spends his time with her. Is he taking her around other jw family members? They will surely try to 'teach her the truth' even though he has said he won't. They will tell her birthdays and other holidays are bad and that her mommy will die at armageddon. They will scare the living daylights out of her.

Be very careful.

Adiva

My really long introduction...

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