please help my friend know she is not alone. (page 2)

JBean

Horrible. Thank God you are there for your friend. I agree with some of the posters, that she needs to get OUT. There is definitely NO EXCUSE for any physical abuse, and it will only happen again. period. She needs to speak with a professional about this. She might want to inform her husband that he was never "like this" before he started in with the witnesses, and just look what he's become. An abusive, domineering man with more anger than love. Is that what the JW's teach!?!?!?!? Please convince her to get out, at least temporarily.

Xander

I still say 'get out of the house', especially if there's children involved.

Right, yes, agree with you.

Sorry if I kind of went of a tangent there.

Short summary would be - elders won't help, they'll make things worse. Get out. Get out NOW.

A fanatic is one who, upon losing sight of his goals, redoubles his efforts.
--George Santayana

larc

hungry,

I think your friend should seriously consider the advice given here regarding professional help.

On another subject: If she can't get on line from home, she can always go to the library and get on line there.

Adonai438

Dear Friend:
Please know that you are not alone,
Many of us on this site have gone through and had victory over similar things. We are here to support, help & love ya as much as we can! JWs are not evil people, just misled. Knowing the truth can be dangerous sometimes but it is worth it! I below have posted links to various places I hope can help with your journey and I am always available to be e-mailed or written to via snail mail if neccessary.
Please know that how the JWs and your husband have been acting and treating you is not of God-- the true God. Yahweh is a loving, caring, God that has always been there for me and finding him is what my life is all about. There is life-- great life after the Watchtower! God bless and write anytime! <>< Angie

This is my story as posted when I first joined JW.com:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=17629&site=3

This link has mucho good stuff! Check out the articles for info and the audio testimonies if you have time...Very uplifting to listen to others personal stories and victory over the WT:
http://www.towertotruth.net

E-mail this group for a great support network-- Ladies Only! It's an e-mail club for women that are out of the WT-- many were abused, and its a great support group all around! E-mail for how to join:
[email protected]

If you are interested there is another place I go for support that I love:
http://christianexjehovahswitnesses.com

Has great information:
http://www/jesus-witnesses.com

myMichelle

The last week has been the worst he has abused her physically and threatened her severely.
Uhhhhh....did no one else notice this?

I did, the words screamed off of the post. This poor lady has a lot more problems than the JWs.

I agree with calling the police and getting him out. I'm not familiar with all the available agencies and people that can help, but I bet we have posters here that do.

Seems to me getting her and the kids out of a physically abusive situation comes first, the WTBTS crap comes later.

Good luck to your friend, I hope she and her kids come out of this situation safely.

Michelle

FreeFallin

Dear friend of Hungry4life,

You've been given some good advice, please take it.
Get out and disappear.

Free

safe4kids

Hungry,

I missed that line about her being abused. Don't know how that slipped past me!! There is NO good reason for staying in an abusive environment; I agree with the others here who have said that she needs to take her kids and get out NOW.

Dana

Xander

There is life-- great life after the Watchtower!

A good reminder. She needs physical help first - get out of that situation. Secondly comes spiritual assistance, and there are a LOT of other options for that.

There are a number of good christian religions, and there are a number of good non-christian religions. She can worry about that later. Right now, she needs to find one of the good SECULAR organizations.

A fanatic is one who, upon losing sight of his goals, redoubles his efforts.
--George Santayana

Dutchy

First of all she can absolutely not allow herself to be physically and mentallyt abused. If her husband is studying and is trying to learn the truth one of the things he should be learning is to respect his wife and her feelings. He should show signs of becoming a better husband. When he's yelling at her and physically abusing her she should remind him of that. If she is forced to cancel her internet service then there are free sites that may be slow but they do not charge a fee. Failing that, most public libraries have computer rooms and I am sure her husband won't object to her taking the kids to the library once in a while and when they are in the kids room, she can sit at a computer and come on to this discussion forum. Just remember that there are caring people here who are interested in your peace of mind and we all want to make sure that you avoid the dangerous and destructive sect known by the name of Jehovahs Witnesses!

hungry4life

Adonai 438 thank you for the links this is what I was hoping to be able to share with her. Safe4kids thanks for your encouraging comment and you too dmouse I wish she could come on this forum but her husband has made her cancel her internet service so this will not be possible. Larc, the library suggestion would be a good one except she lives 50 miles from the closest library and she has a toddler. She only gets to come to town about once every two weeks and that is just a big grocery trip. However I will put some stuff on a disc for her.

To Everyone else who shared their concerns I whole heartedly agree with you that this is a terrible and dangerous situation and she needs to get out soon for her and the kids. However I am not her. I can not do that for her. All I can do is be there to encourage her and be there when she is ready to make that choice.

To answer a few of your questions 1-800-WHY-1914 is not a sexual abuse line,it is a place for people with questions about the witnesses or those trying to leave. They have information packets and cassetes, they recomend books and they give you peoples numbers you can call if you need someone to talk to about these issues.

As far as the kids growing up without a dad that would be easier than the reality. In California it can be very hard to sever parental rights and except in the absolute worse cases (extreme abuse and it takes lots of documentation) he would be allowed to see the kids with no supervision about every other weekend. If she refused she could lose custody completely. I know it's harsh but it is a reality.

As far as other professional help she did call mental health in two different counties the prices were more than they can afford (1,000 plus copay). I know this seems unreal but it is the system. I called a friend of mine that is a professional counselor looking for resources,I am waiting for a call back from him.

Once again I want to make clear that I too strongly believe that she needs to get out of the situation, I have offered her a place to stay and help locating resources. She is psychologically imprisoned if the elders were called he would tell them she has been on the internet. He would try to get her DF. She is terrified of that it will cut her off from everyone she knows and loves. We all know that no one will listen to her if she is disfellowshipped for apostasy. She would be even more alone (in her view). Sure I would be there for her, but why should she trust me? no one else has ever been trustworthy in her life.She has been betrayed by the people who claimed to have the truth.

Their are some very deep psychological issues here (we have all been through them many of us are still healing, then hers are compounded by the abuse issue). If it was me I would get out, but can you please understand that I cannot make those desicions for her. Even if I call the police, they can deny it happened and that is the end of it. Then as soon as they leave she has to put up with his new rage because she told. I am not saying that it is an impossible situation, their is a way out but that choice is for her to make not me.

In the meantime I will continue to be her friend and lend her support in any way I can. I will share any encouraging links or stories of people who have overcome similar situations with her. If you have articles or sites on abuse and seeking help I will share those also.
I am in it for the long haul I realize that this will not change overnight.

I know that many of you are outraged and think that more should be done. However please remember that this is our perspective looking in. Her reality is much different. And if that is all she has ever known (an oppressive religion and an oppressive family life)_then change is much more difficult for her, than for us.

Their are so many dynamics that go into these kinds of situations. I have known her for 8 years and this is the first time she has ever mentioned this to me. I think she is getting stronger. But she needs support. I don't want her to see me as the enemy or someone she can't trust then she will be completely alone.

I have a friend who is a crisis counselor for WEAVE (Women escaping a violent environment) I will call him as soon as I post this and try to get more information.

Thank you all for your concern. When I spoke to her today on the phone the last thing she told me was " I am so angry this is what the teachings of men have led to"

please help my friend know she is not alone.

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