Dear lady Lee, sex predators can be changed.
A 7.62 does it permanently.
Yet another child a victim of sexual abuse in my JW family
by Lady Lee 39 Replies latest watchtower scandals
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Lady Lee
Sorry I did not get back in here last night. I am still so angry about this.
Thanks talesin and longHairedGal
wiser My mother is one of the 100+ victims in this family. And yes they think this is normal - not good but normal. Doesn't eveybody fool around with little kids?
Mary The odd thing is that my mother knows she does better without a man in her life. She married thos last husband because she wanted sex. Turns out he wasn't all that interested in sex with an adult. My mother was warned about her step-father and was able to stop him but when she told her mother she was beaten like your grandmother. There is one school of thought that if a child was sexually abused and had no way to cope with it then when thir children are being abused they still don't know how to cope with it. Thank goodness most people who were abused vow to make sure any child they know will be protected.
Band on the Run
Laws are a bit different here in Canada and even in Quebec from the rest of Canada. 3 years living together or 1 year and a child constitute a common-law marriage. Now no one pays much attention to it.
The most recent discloure is about an abuse that happened over 20 years ago. So no I doubt nothing woulkd be done. The abuser is now in his late 80s or early 90s and is blind, doesn't go anywhere and I doubt there are any children who visit the home. Historically JWs do not socialize too well with JWs who are married to non-believers. Even the JWs in the family don't socialize with her. They don't like her very much.
BT (long time since I have used that here)
MY mother loves to play the role of the victim but mostly she lives in the land of denial which helps her to be a good JW. If she can deny it then she doesn't have to deal with it. And like I said abo=ve she doesn't have the tool to deal with it and insn't interested enough to learn. She is 79 and has all the wisdom she needs from teh pages of WT publications.
She's sort of like a heat-seeking missle, just some mindless machine looking for the most dysfunctional predator out there.
Yup that is the funniest but most honest description of her I have ever seen. She attracts it like a magnet.
She told me she thought he was just being a gentleman and honoring her wishes not to have sex until after the marriage. I thought his lack of interest was the alcohol. Now I think I know a better reason. She had a kid in the home and had grandchildren visit the home.
I think they should make a town where they can work and live and take care of themselves without the taxpayers money. Surround it with a wall they can't get through, over, under, or around and leave them there.
She got therapy thank goodness. Many of us - well it just wasn't available like you said. I was in my 30s before peopleeven began talking about it. She is young and is doing well.
Thanks
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Lady Lee
life is too short
I want you to know something. It doesn't have to hurt forever. I used to be very suicidal. Thought about it all the time. Had my plans made up - I was ready. But then I realized I didn't want to be dead. I wanted the pain to stop. So I left the JWs and the abusive elder/husband and got therapy. Int he 20+ years since then I have not thought about suicide once. Not once.
When my sister committed suiced 6 years ago my GP did a risk assessemtn on me. It was kind of funny because as a retired counselor I knew what she was doing and appreciated her effort. I wasn't suicidal in the least. Just sad that my sister saw no other way out of the pain. She refused to get the help she needed that might have turned her life around.
I live with chronic pain that sometimes takes so much out of me it hurts to breathe. Even that doesn't make me think of suicide. I know it will end soon.
The one thing that maybe make me think aout it is something I won't ever allow again. I can't handle feeling trapped. There is always a way out and I know I have the strength and ability to find the way out.
You are here. You also have th eability to change your life to make it better than it was and to avoid abusive relationships that have the power to make you feel trapped with no way out.
Every day find the one thing that makes you feel good even if it is just for a few minutes. It doesn't matter how big or small that one thing is. But if you begin to look for those good things before long you will see there are more good things out there than you reakize.
Right now you are free. You have the freedon to think, feel, act, and live any way you want. YOU have to be your first priority. And if YOU as a little kid could learn to survive then YOU as an adult can learn to live well.
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Lady Lee
yes zeb a bullet would do it but unfortunately that is rarely the justice that is meted out in a court of law
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Bella15
I am sorry to hear about this ... sorry but mothers can be such monsters sometimes too ... hard to accept but reality is that we are all fallen ... that's why I made up my mind to start my own Family Tree ... and it starts with me ... I also everyday try to be a better disciple of Jesus, to be redeemed, lifted up in him ... so sad to hear stories like this ... the damage done is huge ...
Tell the world about it, don't keep silence, even if people doesn't ask me I bring the subject of sexual abuse and mention how big the problem is among JWs too. I put in chat rooms, blogs, comments, everywhere I go. My niece was a victim.
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Big Tex
BT (long time since I have used that here)
I know LL. Takes me back to the good old days.
My mother loves to play the role of the victim but mostly she lives in the land of denial which helps her to be a good JW. If she can deny it then she doesn't have to deal with it. And like I said above she doesn't have the tool to deal with it and insn't interested enough to learn. She is 79 and has all the wisdom she needs from teh pages of WT publications.
That's the role of the non-offending parent isn't it? If the offender doesn't have a partner who covers up the crime, the crime cannot continue. There can be no sustained abuse if there is an even barely functional parent who cares about the child. The offender needs someone who turns a blind eye to anything and everything.
As for the denier, my experience is once in that role they stay that way the rest of their life. It is easier for them to continue to deny because there is so much fear at their core. I believe fear is a big motivating factor for them to embrace denial. Well that a self-absorption, someone who thinks of themselves. If you're afraid and if you are focused on yourself is it any wonder they give up their own child?
She told me she thought he was just being a gentleman and honoring her wishes not to have sex until after the marriage. I thought his lack of interest was the alcohol. Now I think I know a better reason. She had a kid in the home and had grandchildren visit the home.
That's what she tells herself so she can live with her part in what happened. Again she knew then and she knows now and yet all she can do is offer some lame excuse. She really is a piece of work. She reminds me quite a lot of my mother who walked in on a rape and turned right around and walk out without lifting a finger to stop it. I think your mother has learned how to change history, twist facts and "remember" things in as positive a spin towards her as possible. Sounds like someone else I know.
I think they should make a town where they can work and live and take care of themselves without the taxpayers money. Surround it with a wall they can't get through, over, under, or around and leave them there.
Either way, we agree there is no possibility of rehabilitation. Getting them out of society is the only answer. I used to think a century from now that was possible. Now I'm a bit more cynical. I don't know if we're ever going to get to that point. But on the plus side the concept of predatory abuse is much more accepted now so who knows. Hopefully the percentage of children being abused has gone down. I would think so, given what we know has happened with the taboo approach.
I will say if she's still reading this thread or to any other victim, it does get better. It's hard and unfair to clean up someone else's mess, but the pain does lessen and the wound does start to scar over. All that crap inside has got to come out before healing can take place.
Chris
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mouthy
Life to short....Praying for you nightly.... Lee! I called Sue & read your comments.
She kept saying Yes thats right on... Sends her love!!!!
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Quandry
Lady Lee,
So sorry for all the things that happened to you and to the members of your family. How wonderful that you are able to help others, and have risen above your past to accomplish many important things in the way of aiding victims of abuse.
(because it happened to your mother she should have been determined to stop the cycle of abuse for her children!)
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Lady Lee
Thank you for your thoughts Bella
BT
If the offender doesn't have a partner who covers up the crime, the crime cannot continue. There can be no sustained abuse if there is an even barely functional parent who cares about the child. The offender needs someone who turns a blind eye to anything and everything.
Just lile the WTS. If a parent can put the child before the organization the child has a chance of protection. The dynamics of abuse are the same regardless of whether it is a family or a religion or anything else.
As for the denier, my experience is once in that role they stay that way the rest of their life. It is easier for them to continue to deny because there is so much fear at their core. I believe fear is a big motivating factor for them to embrace denial. Well that a self-absorption, someone who thinks of themselves. If you're afraid and if you are focused on yourself is it any wonder they give up their own child?
Sort of like a defective survival mechanism. Even animals will protect their young by giving up their lives - survival of the young would take precedence over survival of the parent. Sinking ships insist on women and children first. But not with these women. They are willing to abandon the children on the ship as they climb into the lifeboat.
Thanks Grace I emailed her so she has a bit more info now.
Quandry Some women never get there. My mother was involved withn 3 child predators. Clearly there is soimethign seriously wrong with her. I know that I do far better without her in my life.
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Balaamsass
Thank you for sharing. My heart goes out to all abuse victims.