Jgnat: Yes, going slowly and carefully is crucial. I would like to compare to a severe starving child. You have to start very gentle with the food.....teaspoons for meals in the start, or it will simply die. That is very important.
Then trying to appeal to common sence and encurraging her to do her own research to be sure of what she stood for. I think that got to her.
And then being patient and take all the rant and scolding that comes without being upset or doing the same back. We e-mailed quite alot while I was out. She was very angry with me, and I let her get it out, everything, taking everything she said/wrote serious, putting myself into her shoes and very slowly I could feel she was ready to listen to my arguments. She felt safe and comfortable. That is maybe the most important part.
And I actually think that the fact that I da'd myself forced her to think alot about the shunning policy and the consequencies of it. Maybe she got "disturbed" enough to get her mind ready to think out of the box. I do not know. I will ask her what made her change her mind about the religion when things get more safe and stable.