New here...need some support (page 3)

discreetslave

Welcome!!!

It's not easy when your spouse is still a JW. My husband is still in and it hasn't been easy but we're making it work. Take it slow and you'll figure it out .

just n from bethel

First off - welcome to freedom, and all the lessons it comes with, including the one that teaches you it does come with a price.

Secondly, it is interesting how quickly the wife who as a JW so loved playing the loyal submissive follower and helper to you - will abandon you at your lowest point and possibly throw in a little subterfuge to make things even worse for you. Not saying it will happen to you, but I'm just saying that it has happened to many, and it can't hurt to prepare a little offensively for it.

There's a lot about your situation that we don't know and everybody has their own set of unique circumstances...blah blah blah. Ok that's me done being nice. In my short time away from the org I've observed a number of men leaving the org that acquiesced to every other thing his wife wanted - in the hopes that maybe someday, she'd see the light. They spend a good chunk of their lives bending over backwards, trying to be this super-nice guy, only to discover they've been cuckolded the whole time. Not literally with another dude (but sometimes that too), but they've replaced you with God - except it's not really God, it's some NY religous executives who wield much more influence over her than you ever did or will.

So best advice I've seen on this forum comes from leavingWT - "Never discuss doctrine"

That is a great prinicple, especially defensively.

But what to do offensively.

1) Don't think you have to be a "yes man" to everything your wife demands now. Say "No" to anything that interfere's with your plans and activities to take back the life that was stolen from you.

2) She has no intention to help you plan your new life - so don't ask her if doing this or that is ok. Just do it and tell her she's welcome to join you. Include her as much as possible, especially in things that are social and meeting new non-JW friends.

3) If she tries to fight or nag you about your new life pursuits, don't be a dick back. And as much as possible, never show anger. Instead, laugh it off, and go about your plans and life. Tell her she's cute when she's fiesty and that your new friends would love her.

4) Remember she's doing multiple weekly activities away from you, all because some other men in NY are telling her to. Your best counter-attack is to plan things that are much more fun and intriguing and show her that you've found a life that finally matters and makes you a man of purpose. All your ambitions and those things that interested you but you put off for religion, it should be "game on" now. Those things are likely a reflection of who you really are inside. And if what she had for you was true love, then seeing you blossom should actually be a turn-on to her.

The JWs certainly have their indoctrination methods down - but it really is the same ol same ol, week after week - even hardcore diehards admit things are boring. Why do you think they love remodels and quickbuilds - anything to change their boring routine.

If you take a real stand as a man and quit letting the WT bully you through your wife and family still in - they'll see this. Your wife especially. She'll see someone who not only stood up for what he belieived in, but didn't shove it down their throats like they did to you and still do to others. You didn't repay evil for evil. (You see the watchtower has taught them to expect to be bombarded by all this anti-JW doctrine talk - but you're not going to do any of that - their minds will be blown, and your wife's confusion will perhaps lead her to see the WT wasn't right about you.) Instead - you go about taking your life back with a barage of activities that show you're living a fullfilling and happy life. A woman that truly loves you will support you in this and hopefully join once she sees that you actually did give her the better alternative.

If not - there's always this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnoTUjzbI3o

laverite

Billy - has it really only been 6 months since you've been to a KH? I thought it was more like a year or more. You were still attending six months ago? That must have been pretty hideous. :(

moshe

because I will never return to be a witness but she will not leave me,

Not many ex-jWs will agree with that expectation, but I hope you are one of the lucky ones who has a wife who puts marital loyalty above loyaty to the WT organization. Welcome and keep searching for the answers you seek.

nugget

Take your time. Decisions like this should not be made on impulse. Advice given is sound and this board is an excellent place to explore your feelings and doubts before making any irrevocable decisions.

Alfred

Free of 1914... welcome!

Did you choose your User Name (Free of 1914) because you discovered the truth about that year? What made you curious enough to look behind the curtain?

looking forward to your posts...

AK - Jeff

Looks like a lot of good advice has been given here.

Baby steps, baby steps. Don't throw it all out the window yet. You are in an aggitated state of mind, happy but saddened, thrilled but scared to death? The range of emotions will hold court for a while, until some time passes. Then MAJOR decisions - like marriage decisions - can be weighed with logical thought and an even keel. No need it creating regrets needlessly.

Peace/Namaste

Jeff

finally awake

welcome!!

your wife may wake up too. it took Just Ron and I 10 years to get on the same page and get out of the borg. they are experts in driving a wedge between marriage partners. there were many times when one of us would feel like we wanted out, but were too afraid to say anything for fear of losing our marriage. i am so grateful that Ron didn't bail on me when he first realized it wasn't the truth, because I was really blind then and it could well have ended our marriage. now we are both out, our kids are still young, and we are enjoying life together.

DaCheech

I'm sort of in the same position.

My wife knows all my doubts, she even knows I come to this site (just told me to get it off the screen when kids are around ala Porn).

But, she has so many die hard relatives. and, if I physically leave the witnesses, she will divorce me.

New here...need some support

smiddy