ok so if you look at my membership and post history Im VERY much a new member here, but have been researching things for some months on and off, so i have not made any sudden decisions....
I have been reading heaps of reasoning here as to why many of you have left JWs, particularly those of you who have left for reasons of conscience. I have just read Crisis of Conscience, which has become the proverbial "nail in the coffin" for me.
For many reasons I am NO LONGER ONE OF JEHOVAHS WITNESSES IN MY HEART, but I still identify myself as a CHRISTIAN, and will continue to uphold bible principles in my life. The two big realisations for me is that: ONE: I do not have to compromise my bible trained conscience to make this differentiation, and it does not make me a true apostate, although loyal JWs would label me that. TWO: While not having blind faith in the bible and in our creator, I HAVE had blind faith in this organisation. This in my belief is in clear conflict with what the scriptures say. While I could quote many many reasons that have led to my decision, AND back them up scriptually, I am not going to do so here as those of you who would argue it technically shouldnt even be on this forum (according to YOUR beliefs, not mine, and anyone who has left the organisation for reasons of conscience will already know exactly what Im talking about)
The reason I am soooooo happy....
I spoke to my gorgeous husband last night about how I feel and he listened, he did not label me apostate, he accepted that I have made a decision in conscience, and he saw no need to "out" me to our elders. I believe that he also has doubts but I promised him I would not try to tear down his faith in this organisation unless he asked me specific questions. I told him where to find Crisis of Conscience on our computer to read, and he said he would probably read it! He said he thinks no less of me, and loves me even more for being so honest with him! As long as I continue to uphold the basic bible principles we have always lived by he said this will not affect our relationship. Although I am not officially disassociating myself from the congregation (I see no need to do so at this stage, especially for the protection of the feelings of my close friends and family) I will no longer participate in witnessing or at the meetings. I said to him that I will still come along with him when I feel up to it, as I do still need some fulfilment of my spiritual needs. However as I do further research in other bible translations and in other works dealing with biblical understanding, history, archaology, theology (Im a bit excited about doing some independant research, never been so motivated to do "personal study" as I do now!) then my need to come along to meetings will become less and less. I think that this more gradual change rather than a really obvious one, will make life easier for my husband and cause less upheaval for us. Eventually the elders will start inquiring as to my inactivity, and my husband said he will just tell them im struggling at the moment/ wasnt up to it today etc etc and if they try to do a shepherding visit he will decline saying it would be too much for me - ALL of this is TRUE, but he sees no reason to give them any more information than that. The last shepherding visit we had was so discouraging (and they know it!) to us that they wont be surprised if we decline one. If it does get to the point that I have to make an obvious stand one way or another, I said to him that I will write a sincere explanation letter (complete with scriptual reasoning and other research) to all those of my dearest friends and family so that they are fully aware that my decision is one of conscience, NOT because I am leaving my husband or want to commit some other sin against God. To the body of elders I will simply write a short letter stating my wish to be disassociated from the organisation and that my reasons are ones of conscience. I dont think I owe them any other explanation (except to the one or two I view as friends), and they wont want to read it anyway.
Those of you that think Im compromising and cowardly for not making an obvious stand straight away, I understand your sentiments, and I really wish I was that brave - Please know I am not doing it for selfish reasons - If I went "cold turkey" right now, I would be shunned and could get on with my life, but my husband, friends and family still in would have a huge fallout to deal with. At present I have one very ill relative who I sincerely believe could not cope with the shock.
For those of you in similar situations, I view you as my sisters and brothers and I am so happy to have found this community to be a part of, and I hope you can accept me.
A big thanks to all who have seen my first few posts and welcomed me straight away.... I feel the LOVE!
Any questions/comments please feel free to ask.......
PEACE!
NOTREADYTORUN (will have to change my screen name if I DA myself officially!)
ps i have not been this happy since my wedding day or the birth of my babies!!