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My reason number 3 for not interacting on FB: Too much drama for the potential return.
Marvin Shilmer
ExJW who was a former friend explains why she defriended me on FB - and my response!
by Broken Promises 44 Replies latest jw friends
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Band on the Run
My father's sister left the org the day she left for nursing school at 18. She was very proud b/c her father could read which was unusual in the mining town. I suffered so much b/c of the Witnesses. My mother suffered much more. I stopped going to meetings at 16 when I told my mom she would have to drag me against my will. She if the police would help her. My aunt never attended a meeting or read a WT in decades.
When Ray Franz' wrote his book, I discovered it through TV. I jumped to get the book. Every page was riveting and we knew enough about Bethel over the years that it rung true to my mom. I mailed the book to my aunt, thinking she would be interested. She was irate. How dare I impugn her father as wise? I did not mention the book to my active JW aunt b/c the mere mention of the book would give her a nervous breakdown.
IMO, your friend was rude. Her comments would be understandable if she were active. Living in sin --let who is without sin throw the first stone. If both of you don't believe, how does your present in a group threaten her belief. She may find your decision imprudent but it is your decision. Also, how does she impact your thoughts when she totally rejects you. I don't understand Witness who engage in immoral behavior, clearly stated in multiple Bible accounts, and yet they are Witnesses. She should be disfellowshipped. The pot calling the kettle black.
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talesin
I had a friend do something similar, pre-facebook. She was living a double life (living with a guy), and mostly inactive, but went to the occasional convention, Memorial, etc.
She was afraid that if she got 'caught' being friends with ME, the rest of her life might be more closely scrutinized.
That immediately struck me, BP, when I read your OP. Perhaps she is afraid that her mom, or whoever, will take a look at YOUR facebook page and see that you are associating with *shock and horror* apostates, and that might warrant her a shepherding TM call.
I kinda pity my old best friend (yes, we were friends since childhood, and lived together as teens), as she is always looking over her shoulder, and that's no way to enjoy life.
tal
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talesin
My reason number 3 for not interacting on FB: Too much drama for the potential return.
F/B is what you make it. Just like in RL, if you choose your friends carefully, there is no drama.
t
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pontoon
So being friends with you would be disrespecting her mother but shacking up with her boyfriend is OK. You just cannot always find reason and make sense out of nonsense. Don't spend too much time on it
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steve2
So you regard me as an evil apostate? Is that the reason you don't want to be a fb friend? Because I don't see how me belonging to an exJW group has any
affect on you or your beliefs.
Hi Broken Promises. Firstly, I empathize. It's hard when other ex-JWs put a boundary around their contact with other ex-JWs. So I get why you would would be pretty direct in what you say to your "friend" - especially her defriending you on FB. Ouch! I don't know much about the mechanics of FB but is her defriending you made public (i.e., do others automatically know it's happened?).
Having said that (and I'm trying to choose my words carefully, okay?) she never actually said she regarded you "as an evil apostate", although she did express difficulty understanding how you could "belong" to an exJW group. She also took the time to explain why she had defriended you - which is a lot more than many other "disapproving" ex-JWs would have done. I'm wondering if you could have toned down your understandable reply and acknowledged her effort in this regard. To put words 'in her mouth' as it were that she never used and to go straight on the attack wins the battle - but loses the war. Now she will probably feel more justified in having defriended you. I acknowledge I could be wrong but cannot help but wonder if your reply was more acknowledging of her point of view and the difficulty she is having it would be reverse-psychology: How could she fault you if you had replied in an empathic, understanding way - yet also calmly pointed out that you are "puzzled" how she could possibly see anything wrong with what you are doing because (as you say) what you do does not affect her or her beliefs.
In the final analysis, I accept that it was your friend who defriended you and you have every right to respond in a way that you choose. Best. steve2
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Broken Promises
Thanks everyone.
She's now responded saying that she "assumes" that the group is full of people that hate the Witnesses.
I haven't replied to her last message but it's obvious her JW thinking is strongly entrenched even though she claims to not even be a Christian anymore.
The ironic thing is that I haven't looked at that exjw recovery site for over a year!!!!!!!!!
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ziddina
Oh, great...
Too typical...
Body "out"; brain still "in"...
So sorry to hear about this ex-friend's lack of empathy for YOU, Broken Promises!!
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smiddy
Good post BP,is that a good example of cognitive dissonance ?However it does show the lack of critical thinking by those still captive to this cult.
smiddy
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Broken Promises
Latest update:
Her reply to my message from last night:
Not just to my mother but also to a group of people I love, respect and admire. You've chosen to join a group that must be full of people who hate Jehovah's Witnesses. That's the kind of group my brother would love! He's so filled with hatred toward the Witnesses that he doesn't have anything to do with his own mother any more. He never rings or visits her (even though he only lives around the corner from her), and doesn't even care that she has cancer. When she had pneumonia recently he didn't visit or ask if she needed help with anything.
The rant about her brother surprised me. Obviously there's more than meets the eye.
My response:
So you assume that the group is full of JW haters? Well, it is an assumption based on...what? I am still puzzled why my being a member of a group would be such a threat to you and the beliefs of your mother. I do not "hate" JWs. And I certainly don't hate your mother.
Your brother's actions are his own - of course I don't think he is doing the right thing. Please don't lump me in with him and his attitudes.
Ironically, I haven't looked at that exjw group for over a year, maybe two.
But, you don't have to be friends with me if you don't want to.I took steve2's wise advise into consideration before I wrote the above. I could have been more antagonistic but decided to take a softer route (for me, anyway, haha).