I'm very pleased they managed to do a decent memorial for all concerned. I will certainly have you all in my thoughts as you deal with the events of the past week.
Chris
My son was murdered today
by truman 322 Replies latest jw experiences
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cognac
Dear Truman,
With tears running down my face, my heart heavily aches for you. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Cognac
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laverite
Anne, you are in my thoughts the very first thing in the morning and throughout each day. We are getting ready for church right now but I wanted to check in to see if you had posted anything. Today, at church, I will be sharing yesterday's experiences with the congregation and light a candle for you and your family and one especially for Glendon. This is done during the public time set aside at the beginning when congregants share their joys and sorrows. I have never gone up before to share a joy or a sorrow with the congregation. Usually a small handful do this each Sunday.
The witnesses did a very fine job yesterday. I am so very glad that they did, as they honored Glendon in a way I didn't think they would be capable of doing. I am sure he would have been very touched and humbled by everything that they did for him. The witnesses impressed me yesterday. Glendon truly deserved their very best efforts.
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Scarred for life
My deepest condolences. I am so sorry for your loss and your pain.
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truman
Thank you Chris, for your continuing support and caring. Scarred for life and Cognac, I very much appreciate your words and supporting thoughts.
Laverite, thank you for everything, and especially for your willingness to extend yourself to me and my family so generously in these days of pain. I wish I could have heard what you said this morning at your congregation's time for expressing joys and sorrows. Although the sorrows seem so overwhelming now, there are still moments of joy too; they must be recognized as urgings to remember to appreciate our lives and loved ones here with us still, when the heart wants only to cry in pain and scream in anger for what is gone. Oh, my Glendon, my son, my precious boy.
Just a few minutes ago, some neighbors brought over a plant and a card signed by several of the families who live in our cul-de-sac. The husband of one of these neighbors has been a serious troublemaker for us, and there has been considerable animosity on both sides. His wife and another neighbor brought the flowers and card. They said that they had only yesterday learned that it was our son who had been one of the lost men (our last name is not on our mailbox). In this incident and in others we have experienced in the last 10 days, I see so much the human capacity for positive action, for helping, for consoling, for connecting instead of ingoring, tearing apart, hating, and destroying. I no longer believe in the JW vision for a paradise imposed upon humanity by Jehovah, but my rejection of their belief system has not erased my desire for a world in which peace and fellow feeling rather than tragedy fuel the caring and love I have been seeing. We cannot wait for a jealous god who kills those who do not worship him just so to bring about such a world. We must do it ourselves, and we can, if we only have the will.
Anne
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Butterflyleia85
anne,
hugs to you!
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truman
Thank you, Butterflyleia. We are in a sort of second phase process now, I guess. The parade of necessary activities following the initial shock are over, and one has to go back to living it seems. The hours lay heavy sometimes, and last night, I was having a very difficult time. Today, I am on a more even keel, but I think collapse of that fragile equilibrium is never far away. Today, my husband and I had to go outside and do a little yard work, mow the grass and such. On one hand, the momentum of the physical acts in the world, some fresh air and daylight, seem to have a positive effect on our mood, but I cannot help feeling that such relief, small though it is, is somehow unfitting and absurd in light of the greatness of what has happened. From out of all the literature I have read during my years of study, a scene comes back to me from Shakespeare's King Lear, as he laments over the body of his dead daughter: "Why should a dog, a horse, a rat, have life, and thou no breath at all?"
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tec
My heart hurts for you. I am so glad that your son did not lay suffering and that the EMT's were able to confirm that and free you from that fear.
I think it has to feel absurd to feel anything positive for a while. I think that is normal. With time, the gap between collapse and some peace will narrow.
Thinking of you,
Tammy
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stillin9
My thoughts are with you Truman...I wish I could do something to ease your pain, but all I can say is hang in there...
Reading your posts brought tears to my eyes...sorry to see you have to go through this hell.
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truman
Thanks very much, Tammy and stillin9. These days are hard, but the nights seem the worst. I spend most nights listening to a couple of songs over and over and trying to hold myself together. I have been watching some videos of Eckhart Tolle on You Tube, which would help, if I could actually do what he recommends, but not yet. It's a funny thing, but three or four years ago, Glendon had some surgery for a deviated septum, and while he was in the hospital, he told me he had been reading Tolle's books, The Power of Now, and others. This is definitely not typical reading fare for JWs, and most would consider it dangerous New Age spirituality. I was hopeful that Glendon seemed to be finding a way to some mindfulness and thinking outside the WTS box. I know he found some value in what he read of Tolle's sort of Westernized, Buddhist-oriented teachings. I am hoping that eventually, I will, too. I am trying so hard to process my emotions toward peace and acceptance of what I cannot change. When I am with people, I can mostly act as usual and enjoy their company, even laugh and talk, if necessary. It helps, it really does, to have those moments. Friends have extended themselves in ways that I am deeply grateful for. But the relief feels like a role of normalcy that I am playing for the occasion, while the agonizing pain that fills my body and mind when I am alone seems to be the actual me. Today, I opened up my Skype program to do a video call with my younger son (who has been a stalwart support, a fellow traveler in this terrible journey, and even a wise mentor), and on the contacts in the sidebar is still listed Glendon's screen name alongside a call button. If only.....