Thank you so much, all of you. This thread has been a lifeline to me, and your support extremely valuable in getting through this. I thank every single person who has posted on this thread, and most especially those who have continued to watch over me. Even those who may have only read it and not posted, I thank you, too, for taking the time out of your lives to share this most horrible time in mine.
(I am posting the following in my original thread and in Laverite’s new one about Glendon's memorial, so it will be seen in either.)
The memorial for Glendon at the KH was today. It was very difficult, but we got through it with the help of friends who generously supported us. Laverite is one of those, and has already posted an account of the proceedings that pretty much covers most of what there is to say. He was such a good presence there, as was another former JW who has been a close friend for a number of years. Their being there was an anchor for us in a world where we were in a strangely liminal position—partly affiliates and partly outsiders, yet not able to be either completely. The JWs did the very best they could in Glendon’s memory as their last act for him. It was flawed by doctrinal overload, but much less so than I had worried it would be.
The previous day my sister, my husband, and my younger son and his wife attended the funeral of Deputy Robert Paris, at which we were treated with the utmost respect and privilege. We had transportation provided to the church and a private room to wait in until the time came for the service; we had full-time escorts—a chaplain and an officer for security; we were seated in a “dignitaries section” near the front of the auditorium; and we were offered condolences for our loss of Glendon by the Attorney General and Governor of the state. We were included in the processional to the cemetery as well. Most importantly, the Paris family members and others who spoke at Robert Paris’s funeral mentioned Glendon several times. After the service, I spoke to the deputy’s mother (although he was in his 50s, both his parents are still living, so they too must suffer the terrible pain that I and my husband feel), and she said they would be attending the memorial for Glendon. Also law enforcement officials were to be there as well. I was very concerned that these people get appropriate treatment at the KH, and I think that they got the best the JWs had to offer. I spoke to the speaker before the talk began, and he wanted to ask us if we desired to be included in thanking the community, to which I, of course, said, “absolutely.” I also asked that he mention Robert Paris in his talk, which he said he had intended and did do.
I have been to numerous JW memorials, mostly for elderly members who died of old age, and I know that these events can be somewhat sterile, but the memorial for Glendon was able to avoid that. The speaker did give the infomercial, after a few minutes spent discussing Glendon’s life, but he did it delicately and tastefully by including Glendon at strategic points. As Laverite mentioned, there were a couple of moments that were a bit troubling, but all in all, it was a good experience.
Before the actual memorial began, we were greeted and consoled by dozens of JWs, many of whom we had known well in our time as active JWs in the area, and many that had been friends only of Glendon and his wife. They were obviously genuinely concerned for us and mourning themselves on a very human level. I had a couple try to slip in a tiny resurrection sermonette, but most just hugged and consoled us. In the hours since, I have begun to believe that for many this event has been of such shocking magnitude and happening to someone that was widely loved, that their usual JW platitudes were inadequate, even to them. In some way, their love for Glendon, and the terrible thing that happened managed to push this memorial above and beyond the typical programmed responses. I was comforted by their caring and love for Glendon, and I know that they know they have lost someone irreplaceable, as have I. I shed many tears there, as I met people I had not seen for a decade or so, but our mutual histories were instantly kindled, perhaps connected to the JW experiences, but running alongside it as well in genuine fellow feeling.
Among the many attendees from the community were the EMTs who responded that horrible day, including the man who attempted to resuscitate Glendon at the scene. I cried on that good man’s shoulder and begged him to tell me that Glendon did not lay on the ground conscious and suffering for any length of time. This has been a most disturbing and unshakable vision that has plagued me in the days since. He said not, that my boy was already dead at the scene before they arrived, although they tried, even so, to help him.
All the formalities are now complete. The funerals and memorials are over. We must try to pick ourselves up and face the days ahead. I don’t know how, but we are trying.
Anne