The Anthony Bourdain episode where he visited his Michigan ranch was great.
I think that was made at his new ranch outside Waco, Texas BTS.
Seriously, I think we should give Ted Nugent some credit for the efforts he has put out for wounded veterans and his longtime stand against drugs and booze in the Rock&Roll world.
Anyway, this is all off-topic - which may be a sign that after 12 pages this Dan Savage rant has been beaten to death with many sticks.
Try to get into therapy, NewChapter. Start with some nice Texas BBQ and perhaps some authentic Tex-Mex for a week or so.