by butalbee 57 Replies latest social relationships
She does behave like an idiot. Maybe she wants to hang onto the marriage more for the money's sake than for her love of hubby. After all it's hard to believe she's in love with him if she's getting neekid with the guy at work.
Never Squat With Yer Spurs On
Having discussed this idea in another thread very openly and in depth, I just had to comment here.
It's very easy to just be incredibly judgemental about this subject. So far, the guy who slept with this woman is being called a jerk and dickhead, while the woman has become a slut, an idiot, a whiny sinner, selfish and manipulative. The injured husband is coming across as a saint, when he's not being questioned as an abuser!
But the reasons for having sex with someone besides one's mate are often complex and powerful, and can be the result of all sorts of forces and needs and desires, most of which likely have little to do with an abusive marriage. And it is SOOO easy for people outside of the situation to pass judgement on those involved. But the need for love and affection, for being touched and held and cuddled, for variety and passion, for conversation and excitement and being thought of as special are extremely powerful forces in the human psyche.
Those who give in to those desires and needs are viewed as selfish and without any control, worthless slaves of their desires. On the other hand, those who never give in might be seen as afraid, living in fear of their passion and half-alive to their lust for life and experience. Isn't it kind of odd that many of our cultural heroes, going back to King David and certainly evident among some of the greatest artists, writers and musicians of our time, have been men and women who's drive for life often drove them into the beds of people they weren't married to?
Damned if you do, and often envied and praised as well!
We live in a strange place where our culture says that even the thought of sex outside of one's mate is a terrible sin, while our biology makes those kinds of thoughts simply impossible to prevent.
Personally I'll withhold judgement on the whole episode. And I do hope the marriage can be saved. In truth, marriages survive infidelity all the time.
S4
My views may offend people, but I've been there before.
Adultery is not immoral in my eyes, but it can be very stupid. Usually, adultery means there are serious problems in a marriage. Since your friend is still seeing her lover, she is not seriously interested in saving her marriage. I am not judging her, but there is a cost to her actions, and basically her marriage is toast.
Her lack of honesty, especially her "attempts" to save the marriage when she obviously intends to keep seeing her lover, to me is very immoral.
nutalbee, forgive me if I am wrong, but it appears you have some romantic feelings for Mike. If so, go for it! In any case, be a friend to him, as he needs one fight now. He may not be meeting his wife's needs, but he might meet yours. Just be careful, as you could get hurt.
In any case, do not cover for your friend. This could result in you hurting Mike very badly. Your friend is responsible for her own actions, and you are still a true friend even if you refuse to cover for her.
The saying is that all the nice guys (or gals) are married. This is often true. So the secret to snagging a nice guy or gal is be ready when they divorce. If you wait, they may pair up with someone else. Just my view, feel free to disagree.
Windrider disagrees with me on this part. She wonders too if you have feelings for this man, perhaps feelings that you are not even acknowledging to yourself. And if that is the case, she highly recommends you give him time to heal. In her opinion, it would be in both you and he's best interest if he takes at least a little time to get over one broken marriage before being ready to move on from there. Be a friend, but just a friend for the time being.
Richard
cheeza
no problem
i thought you would find it interesting
smile
this lady is a trip -
i would not cover for her
if i were you- you should call her husband
THAT IS WHAT I DID for someone just like that
just think after she screws this guy today - who by the way was with HOOKER two nights ago-as it were--
then she will go home and offer to make love to her husband and give my boy some CLAPS OR WORST
SO SAD
DANGEROUS GAME SHE PLAYS
AND SHE WANT TO BE APART OF IT
no way
Lilacs, you said
I feel this way about it. When you love someone, they should be all you need.It has been my experience that this sort of attitude is the quickest way to smother somone and drive them away.
Just my opinion, cause idealy I want somone who WANTS everything I have to offer emotionaly, but doesn't NEED it.
Anton
I think that my point is, if she wants to leave, leave, but she's obviously being selfish and trying to squeeze the best out of both worlds.
Choose one, and then she won't be a slut.
If her husband is secretly abusive, then cut his dick off. I have no patience for men who don't worship women. But this gal just seems like a horny bitch who wants it all....the orgasms and the security, too.
ashi
nutalbee,
Skeptic: Are you calling me a nut??????????? I'm only kidding...I am truthfully a bit nuts...............
Okay, this is the deal as of today, Mike called me TONIGHT, asking me if I knew where his wife could be, she hasn't been home since late yesterday afternoon, and that he's called everyone that he knows she knows!!! I didn't lie for her, I told him that she came over, but called someone up, then left shortly after that. I felt bad for saying the truth, since it made him CRY.
We talked for about 45 minutes, and I got his side to the story. He says that she stopped sleeping in their bed, but on the couch, like two or three months back, and that everytime he tried to touch her, she would not respond. She hasn't been paying the bills, that he doesn't know what she does w/ the $$ he gives her for them, and that all their credit card are maxed out and have late charges. And when she's home all she does is sleep, she doesn't help w/ the housework, threw out all the dishes, so she wouldn't have to wash them, crazy crap like that. He said that he has pleaded w/ her to go see a shrink, but she shrugs it off. He said he asked her if she was seeing someone else, and she looked him in the eyes and said, "No, I love you". Not believing her, he taped her phone conversations, which I think is an invasion of her privacy, but I do understand why he'd do it: all the secrecy and her strange behavior started driving him crazy. Oh this is a good one: Mike bought her two dozen red roses for valentines day, and she cut all the flowers off the stems and just left the stems in the vase!!!! And I thought I was mental case, at the end of my relationship w/ that damn JW!!!
I am very worried about Jamilynne, something is going on inside her, and I hope it doesn't totally destroy her.
But I am also worried about Mike, he didn't sound at all very good, he said that this is tearing him apart inside and that he doesn't know how to help her, whom he said, he still loves.
I told him if, he ever needs anyone to talk to, anytime of the day or night that he could call me, that I am here for him if he needs me. He said he just might take me up my offer.......
I don't have romantic feelings for Mike, He's a nice guy, and I'm not lucky to land the nice guys, I always get the weirdo's that make me go crazy.
Lara
Jamilynne just called me, it's like midnight, asked me if Mike is looking for her. "Um, hello," I said, "what do you think?"
She said she trying to sort things out. I asked her where she is, she says she's at the dickheads apartment! Oh BTW, his name is Barnabus, what the hell is a Barnabus?
She doesn't deserve a guy like Mike. Why did she bring me in the middle of all this? I told her pt blank, I don't want to get involved, and she barked at me, "aren't you my friend, don't you care about me?"
She's using me, just as she's using Mike for her own benefit, to suit her needs. What a little HUA!
I told her pt blank, I don't want to get involved
That's right, Lara. Although what she is doing to her husband is wrong and you know it, best thing is stay away and don't get involved in their issue(s) because otherwise, both her and Mike might blame you too (even though you're not) for being part of (or for getting involved in ) their problem.
and she barked at me, "aren't you my friend, don't you care about me?"Some kind of friend that you have. I won't tell you how to respond to that. All I can say to you is if you don't feel right about doing something, don't do it.
I hope I am not being blunt telling you this because I've been the unwilling party in these kind of situations before.
Ajax
