Was your fade easy or difficult? Let me know ur fade story

by dazed but not confused 35 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  WTWizard

  For me, it was about confusing the hounders. I did my best to confuse them--by going to different congregations that shared the same building at random times, then introducing missed meetings. The ones I missed became more numerous, and eventually I saw Jehovah was not interested in my seeing the opposite sex at all. Ultimately, I pulled the plug for that, trying to waste more hounder time with confusion. I also started turning my field circus time in late, on purpose--and putting two or more slips in the same box on separate slips (using a different color pen each slip to make it look like they lost a slip). Hopefully wasting their time worrying and hunting.

  Since the REJECT Astaroth Party 2005, I didn't do a single boasting session. And my last field circus was June 30, 2005--and I never even bothered to put in a time slip for it. Hopefully, they wasted half the month hunting for it.
• 

  finally awake

  Every time I try to post on this thread, my computer screws up. So I'll just say that for me, in the end, my fade was easy. I didn't evven realize what I was doing until the very end. Now I'm free and I wouldn't go back for anything. All my family is out, except one aunt and uncle who live 600 miles away. There's nothing I can do for them, and I never had a close relationship with them anyway.
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  rather be in hades

  i think the moment i was absolutely certain i wasn't going back was the day i first had sex. at that point i thought to myself, "well there's no turning back now..."
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  First, thanks to Rather Be In Hades for such details that might help others know that their odd feelings about JW'S are not odd at all.

  Doctrinal change, starting with the change of "generation " in 1995 bothered me. I did my best to put it behind me, but it did allow me to seek a career over a job since the end wasn't coming so soon. Ten years after 1995, I was still a JW, but I was not the same eager naive member I was before that doctrine change.

  I had continued on as an elder after giving up on holy spirit blessing my efforts to serve Jehovah, kind of hoping I was wrong about that, but also thinking I could help others. I had started researching the Bible via library information available about theology but couldn't bring myself to violate the rules about reading "apostate" material. Finally, the inconsistencies and privileged state of higher members leading to favoritisms allowed me to google "Jehovah's Witnesses." I learned fast about many changes.

  I decided to resign as an elder in order to fade. I don't have kids, but do have a JW wife and mother, and my wife's family are JW. I resigned siting "doubt" and really not being able to teach the dictates of the governing body without actually knowing them and how they work.

  I met with the C.O. 10 weeks after resigning and he totally mishandled me. He basically told me to get in line or get out. I used that as an excuse to be
  stumbled by the organization as the P.O. was there to see how poorly the C.O. was at dealing with doubt.
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  OnTheWayOut

  I turned in a field service report with "zero" written in the hours after the c.o. visit. Work already allowed me to miss some meetings. I simply made a goal to increase missed meetings.

  After 6 months of that, I told the wife I did not want to go anymore.

  Fading has been hardest on my wife, but she loves me and won't turn me in for sharing holidays with non-JW family or other stuff. My mother asks me not to DA or get DF'ed and she says she will be okay. Elders occasionally try to meet with me, but I think the c.o. said to be wary of me. I say "No thanks" and that suffices.
• 

  harleybear

  Mentally fading was a snap. I was 20 when 1975 flopped so my attitude was pretty set that "this is a bunch of crap".

  Actually doing it was a little longer process. After my divorce from my ex (now Br. C O) and moving back to my home town there was a real push to get me back in the fold and right. Did attend some meeting, FS, but soon just kept missing more and more. My Mom was still alive and all though she did not hassle me I did go to the district conventions with her and the memorial. After she died 11 years ago I was on the fast track out. Packed up all the literature and dropped them off at a KH about 50 miles from my home.

  I also decided to do some fun things for ME!!! New Harley, tatoo's, crazy fun hair style and clothes, got involved in politics and in general became normal.

  I like the new me. My hubby is thrilled and I sleep like a baby at night
• 

  rather be in hades

  lol harley bear. i showed up at my last assembly with a beard and a halfro, it was maybe 6 inches long and abot halfway to a real fro :P i got some interesting looks that time. tattoos are on the to do list

  thank you onthewayout. i imagine it must have been difficult to get all the way to becoming an elder, only to find out. what was your mindset through the fade?

  the apostate literature fear is what kept me in it for so long. i jst signed up to this site only a few weeks ago, if that. but i haven't been to anything since somewhere between 05 and 07. since i've joined, the amount i've learned about how false this whole thing wasblows me away. up to then, it was jst personal philosophy that led me to where i'm at today with the false prophecies, blood issues, etc. i had no idea about 607 bce until recently and it is just shocking. it's right there on the net easy as pie to see and yet we never see it because it's apostacy to look.

  amazing how they get us.

  i'm sorry to hear how stuck you are in that situation. that's gotta be so tough. has your wife ever asked you why you started to fade?
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  RBIH, my mindset is easy to describe during the fade. Googling "Jehovah's Witnesses" led me to learning so much during that time. I didn't know about Ray Franz, 607BCE, the U.N., some other things. I was a dry sponge tossed into a sea of true info.

  My biggest concern was my wife. For personal sanity issues, I could no longer fake it and wait to help her out. I did go through a bout of depression that she, undoubtedly thinks is from leaving Jehovah but was actually from unresolved issues before I became a a JW. (Despite my mother being JW, I left as a youth when she was DF'ed after 1975 and did not go back when she did. I went back as a young adult after becoming alcoholic and attempting suicide.)

  I went regularly to therapy and have addressed my demons. I still go on a monthly basis.

  I have lost all the JW friends and retained all the JW relatives so far. I have made way better friends of ex-JW's.
• 

  rather be in hades

  what brought you back, if i may ask?

  therapy can be tough. i hated it because i always had to fight myself in terms of...do i tell the truth and stumble my therapist?

  can't agree more on the friendships.

  i went through really ugly lows and really fake highs. actually, i don't think there evre really wa a high, more like a "the descent isn't as steep right now".

  i tried to explain it as a drowning. pretend you are drowning and you fight so hard to get to the surface and you just make it and get the tiniest bit of air before you get swept back under. how many times can you do that before your body gives out? that is what my life had been like. everytime i feel like i can try again, i get bowled over with something, sually just overwhelming sadness and loss of self confidence.
• 

  Kool Jo

  This is my current situation:

  I'm someone you'd consider to be "still-in"...but a few things have changed...

  1. Over the past few months, I haven't done actual service, but still do hand in a FS report so as not to do anything drastic.

  2. I have recently moved away from my parents (hard-core JW's) and from my "home" congregation....unfortunately, my parents know folks in every congregation in the universe, I don't go to Thursday meetings though...

  3. In the new Khall that I'm suppose to be with, I haven't given anyone my number and go home right after the Watchtower study whenever I feel like going...Only been there twice.

  4. I should've been removed as an MS because my new job does require traveling to various cities for extended periods and don't want the publisher card to be all over the place, so I've been in contact, back and forth, wanting them to just say that "Bro Kool Jo is no longer an MS blah blah blah"...but it hasn't happened yet...so at the end of every month, I text some hours & magazines placement to the "home congregation"...and just to think last week saturday I should've been in FS, but the folks at my job had a barbeque...so of course I went and had a great time with my new co-workers at the park!!!

  It really sucks that this cult plays on your mind especially when family is involved....but my fade is coming along...so glad I moved away from home...but at the same time saddened that the WTBS is the real reason I can't live a normal life with my parents without them feeling guilty if their 'perfect' JW kid left the "truth".

  Looking forward to the other stories to be posted.

  Peace

  Kool Jo