1King Solomon, first, I apologize for this lengthy response. I think I just needed to get all this out.
But, my answer to your question is: No. Just that she/we/I will answer for our decisions. Hopefully her conscience will not allow her to disown her grandson and treat him the way she intends to. But it is her decision. We can't control the way another person acts or thinks. We can only control what we do and say. And I know how hurtful her treatment must be . . .
I started studying with JW's in 93 and was baptised in 94. I had a difficult time with my family when I was conforming but then one day I just decided to follow the 2 greatest commandments and not to worry about what others in the congregation thought about what I was doing. I also decided to apply the same to my family and friends who were not JW. I felt that I could love them all but that I needed to follow my conscience. For example: After having my son in 94, my husband and I realized that it would be a good idea for me to have my tubes tied--we didn't make a lot of money--ok we were poor-- and something was going on with my health and I had to quit working. I found out (after the fact of having the surgery) that this is a very, VERY contriversial subject within the congregation! Four months after giving birth, I received the diagnosis of MS.
My health went downhill and then up, then down then up. My husband, a heavy alcoholic, had a rather long "relationship" with a woman from his work (long, disgusting story about that and how my friends came to his aid trying to convert him) But I stayed with him. I had 2 kids and unreliable health. In the course of the next 4 years we had moved 5 times, filed for bankrupt and blah,blah blah. His alcoholism became even worse--there is always worse--he even became addicted to speeders and was verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive--mainly towards our son and me--not so much our daughter because she would hibernate in her room. We lived in the same house for 4years and during that time I felt quite well and made some "friends," pretty much quit attending meetings etc. . . Long story short, I became disfellowshipped. Not because my bad deeds were discovered. Not at all. In fact, no one would be the wiser had I been able to live with myself. Keep in mind that, for the past 2 years I only went to a few book study meetings. No one stopped by during that time, except to use the bathroom. But one sister finally stopped in a couple of times and said she knew something was up and that she didn't care. She loved me and that if I needed to I could go to the elders and they would help. the book we were studying at that time taught all about Jah love and forgiveness etc, etc. I knew how sorry I felt and that I could not live with myself; so I asked the elders if they would meet with me. I poured my heart out to these 3 men I shared every last embarassing sin with tears and sweat, and trembling. Well, I hadn't gone to my husband before coming to them and I was told that I should have. I begged them to understand that they know somewhat of what my husband was like and please don't make me. Well, after pleading my case, I was sent out so that they could make their decision. I will give them the benefit of the doubt and say that it took them 15 minutes to come to a decision. I went home and when my husband got up at 3 to be at work at 4AM I asked him to stay we needed to talk. When he said no and left for work, I called him on his cell and begged him to come home and ended up having to tell him on the phone. Next meeting, I gave one of the elders what I had intended to be my letter disagreeing with the decision and told the other one that I had immediately followed their direction and talked to my husband. I was told that the letter was very nice and that to hang on for 3 months or so and they will reinstate me.
Now there is no denying my horrible, disgusting, deeds. I will never ever downplay what I had done; but I thought that disfellowshipping was for the UNrepentant sinners. . . I went to the meetings for a while, then I quit and things had gotten worse at home before they got better. Example: our state ended up taking my husband to court for assault and battery (of me) He held me in the air squeezing my neck, bashed my head off the floor boards ect. All over our son wanting another piece of pizza. I intervened before he reached our son and prevented him from hurting him.
After being seperated, he quit drinkin etc. He hasn't touched anything since 2007. We all have been through serious therapy, and he has been vigilant in taking his coctail of scripts for bipolar. We are back together and he is an entirely different person. Our whole family is recovering and this all without friends. Now our daughter has her associates and has a decent job, our son graduated HS and is looking for a job before choosing a school, and things are ok.
Well, just so you know, I might as well finish the story, I went back, I asked to be reinstated, and I was told, "Well, we are thinking not just yet." It is not normal for a ds one to return after so many years. We'd like to see you study your WT more. I had already told them that I study them when I am given them by one bro who stops by once in a while and that I had just discovered the WT website. "Well, we like to see you maybe highlight" Well, after cying out my indignation tearfully. I couldn't even speak without doing the gasping hiccuping thing, I said, "ok" I'll do whatever it takes. My health has deteriorated very, very much in the past year and a half. and I don't make enough meetings to be reinstated because, you know nobody will even know who I am.
Well, during a talk I was listening to over the phone, the brother said this one statement that made me hang up and I haven't returned via phone, nor in person. He said this, "We keep our congregations clean. And how do we do that? By ds the UNrepented ones. Those who REFUSE to stop their bad deeds, who refuse to except the counsel of the elders. . ." It made me realize. That is not and never was me. . .
So inregards to Shawn and to your question, "NO, it does not, nor will it ever justify ones wrong doing . . . wether it be a grandma mistreating her grandson or a soldier mindlessly following orders and mass murdering." Making decisions based on ones conscience--right or wrong--the decision will be judged and punished or not. I, myself, just try to keep the peace until it is no longer possible and then I remove myself. And I just hate to see Shawn losing out on everything because he may feel the need to take a stand with her. And sometimes it is best to just roll with the punches. But that's just my opinion. I don't usually post or respond to any of this stuff not even on FB. But, I don't know, he has got to be so hurt for a whole lot of reasons and I think that if he didn't let her get to him, and did his best to not let her antagonize him, and to try not to stir her pot, that he might be able to get through this without being hurt so much.
