Long-distance Relationships?

by mindfield 38 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Abaddon
    Abaddon

    Mindfield; Okay, sorry to be blunt, but, you asked for advice.

    An 18 year-old and a 14 year-old are WRONG. Doesn't matter whether it's legal, doesn't matter whether all you want is a non-physical relationship for now, it's not healthy - for you or her.

    You will be having your first real emotional experience with a child - yes, we've all heard the 'she's mature for her age' line before, and it wasn't convincing then; 14 year-olds are 14 year-olds.

    Every male on this site will tell you growing up as a JW emotionally retards you. I swear, when I left the Borg at 27, I had an emotional age of about 16. So, the fact you are attracted to a kid does make sense. Think about that. In your next (and that's about a 99.999% chance given how ill-starred this is) relationship, you will go through shit adjusting to a real woman... or be so stunted that you will seek out teenage girls as you can't cope with a mature woman.

    Don't think it happens? Read up on some case studies.

    She, on the other hand, when she should be having relationships with boys around her age, will be having a realtionship with you. Almost a man. Not what she needs.

    You write the legal age of consent "...is 14. So theoretically, we could engage in... sexual... contact. But I think I'll wait a little for that."

    Okay, take the next thing I say in the general "yes, adolescent girls can be engaging and cute, it's not peverted to think that" way - I don't think you're a pervert. But that SOUNDED SO PERVY!! So, what first? A little webcam action with your FOURTEEN YEAR OLD honey? Sorry to be gross, but you've got to THINK about what you're doing! You may have convinced yourself it's not your crotch talking, but I don't think you've convinced many others.

    For god's sake, go out and get the book 'Lolita' by Nabakov, and watch 'Pretty Baby' (tacky '70's film with Brooke Shields). Both are about older men fixating on younger girls. Oh, 'Paper Moon' and 'Leon' have the same theme, but subtler.

    Now, you're still a teenager, but if you can read those books and feel that having even a non-physical relationship is not tacky, unhealthy, and possibly even exploitative on you part (whether you want it to be or not), then... well, I still disagree with you.

    But I think after going through that book and those films, you won't need to be told it is wrong. Think up a 14 year-old daughter of your own, and imagine this obviously horny 18 year-old telling you he just wants a non-physical relationship with your daughter, and imagine how you would feel, and you won't even have to get the book or watch the films.

    Again, I stress, you're not a pervert. I snogged a girl at a club once. Thought she was 19-20. Met up with her the following Monday. She was wearing school uniform, for the good reason she was 15 and at school. Now, I could have argued "she's no virgin, she's slept with half-a-dozen people already". I could have argued "she's cute as a button and willing". I could have said "well, she's mature, and 16 in a few months". I didn't. I confess they went through my mind, but I said no. It would have been so TACKY to do anything else.

  • mindfield
    mindfield

    Ouch. That was sincere.

    I greatly appreciate that you added that I'm not a perv at the end of your post. Otherwise... I would've been slightly peed off.

    I was just stating that she had legal age. Nothing else. I also added that I would wait until we engaged in the physical part. How else did you want me to say it? "I have solemnly decided to swear off any sexual contact with this lass for a few years. Nay, we shan't engage in a sexual relationship! Nay, I say!"

    That sounded sarcastic, I know. But you've compared me to old men wanting young "lolitas", when all I am is 4 years older than she is. Give me a little credit here. I know, it sounded like my genital area talking. It's hard to repress when you're still a hormone-raging teen... who's never had any sort of girlfriend.

    Abaddon, I'll say this bluntly... I'm starting to get lonely. Sure, I have male friends. How many female friends? 1...2...3... yeah, that's about it.

    On the other hand, you may have a point...Sigh... She's not the first 14 year old I felt attracted to. Now before you start jumping on me like I'm some kind of pedo, i just turned 18 last month. And the other girl was about to turn 15. So the difference was much smaller. Aaargh, the thing is I already emailed the girl to tell her that I agreed to a small relationship between us, but that it would have to be taken in baby steps.

    And abaddon... no, I'm not a man. Believe me. I sound wordy, but that's because I spend my free time reading the dictionnary in high school. Unless "man" has another definition, I don't think I'm it.

  • LB
    LB

    I can remember being in a situation much like yours mind. She was 15 and I was 22 at the time. I honestly thought she was 18 as she told me this. There were signs she was younger than 18, but she was pretty and built. I was horny.

    You can plan to "stay cool" all you want, but when you get alone with her, and she seems willing, well you'll be bumping uglies.

    You aren't traveling an hour and a half to make a friend are you? You want to play with this girl. You'll be willing to do whatever she wants to do.

    You've asked for opinions, few support you in this and I think you'll end up with some emtional hardships over it, but if you've made up your mind then enjoy. I wish you the best.

    Oh, and 3-4 years is a huge difference in age at your age. She's a kid.


    Never Squat With Yer Spurs On

  • mindfield
    mindfield

    Okay, you guys have a point... guess it's back to the girlfriend-search again for me...

    And now, I have to email the girl again to tell her the sad truth... darn.

    Well, it was worth a try. Thanx.

  • JT
    JT

    just a suggestion if you are 18 and consider yourself a man, then you may want to consider getting yourself a woman and not a child

    just my 2

    james

  • Kep
    Kep

    Check your email bro...

  • Beans
    Beans

    Mind:

    Fellow Ontario friend I am here to help you,and I am adopting myself as your EXJW Big Brother! After reading many of your post I realize that you and I have alot in common with our exit from the BORG. Now with regards to your situatuion I can totally relate to this as when I was around your age I was in a few similar situations.At that age I thought that a girl 1-3 years younger was not cool to keep in touch with because they were so much younger.As you get older these parameters wont matter anymore,so you should persue all posibilities of pussy which may mature at a future date!

    Remember that there are so many women out there to please and that it is our mission to give them all satisfaction!You must make sure to get too Sauble Beach and Grand Bend for Beaver Patrol this summer,and I will see you at Oktoberfest this year at Bingeman Park!

    Beans

  • mindfield
    mindfield

    AAAARGH.

    I just got home to check my email, and I think I just really hurt someone. I had clearly said to the girl not to take this boyfriend/girlfriend possibility too seriously, but apparently this just ruined their day. Her sister sent me a very angry email saying that I was a fool who was picking on girls, who wanted to "fuck up" their day, and that I was an @$$hole. Dammit.

    I'm really pissed. Of course, I replied to her email. This girl thinks it's easy for me to just say no to a first girlfriend, one who already loves me at that. What an ignorant girl. Jeez.

    And to top it off, the 14 year old wrote me that she would have like to do "you know what" (her own words) with me. ... Now if that doesn't put the cherry on the sundae, I don't know what does. I had actually had a fantasm about that, and she said she wanted it!

    I need to calm down now. Not easy knowing you ruined someone's day, broke someone's hard, made people angry.

  • mindfield
    mindfield

    Kep: Didn't receive your email, sorry...

    Beans: Cool! I feel so proud... Not sure i can attend the festivities though....

  • KistByQpid
    KistByQpid

    Well...I think Abaddon said it best. Emotionally 14, is a child. In the States, 14 is what? 8th grade? Girls this age may look "mature" and hey...the law may say she is "of age", but emotionally they are lacking. Sorry to hear your response wasn't well received.

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