Copping Out?

by IslandWoman 40 Replies latest jw friends

  • safe4kids
    safe4kids

    This is much like an abuse survivor starting to deal with the damage inflicted on them, imo. When a person first begins dealing with what happened, it's common to blame their abuser for everything that is wrong in their lives. Part of the process of letting go of self-blame and realizing they were a victim. Where I agree with your point IW, is that there comes a time when the victim must relinquish their victimhood, realize that they are now capable of making and owning their decisions, and take responsibility for their lives. Again, tho, this is a process and the length of it is different for each individual.

    Just my two,

    Dana

  • Solace
    Solace

    Dana,
    I dont think that many are blaming the society for all the problems in their lives. I do know that the W.T.S. should not be without blame because they have been the cause of suffering for many people.
    I am very satisfied with my life now. I have a great husband, two healthy children, I live comfortably and I like my job. I do however feel obligated to tell others about the suffering they may endure by joining the W.T.S.
    I tell others about my experience as a J.W. not because I cant let go but because I dont want others to have to go through it.

  • ISP
    ISP

    I think blaming the WTS is part of the recovery process. Its like 'therapy' but when you have dealt with the responsibility issues..you do need to move on. Otherwise you will simply never move forward.

    ISP

  • safe4kids
    safe4kids

    Heaven,

    Ahhh, sorry if my post sounded as though I thought people shouldn't talk about the wrongs the WTS commits. That wasn't my point at all. I agree with you; I was merely responding to IW's point that, at some point, a person needs to move forward.

    Again, it's like an abuser: a victim works thru their issues, develops a healthy psychological/emotional life, but that doesn't mean they don't call the abuser on what was done to them. AND cautions any who are close to the abuser about the type of person they are.

    Obviously, I still share with others my experiences as a JW, else I wouldn't be so darn addicted to this forum! I'm glad to hear that you are living a happy life and that you've been able to move thru the wrongs you suffered.

    Hope that's a little more clear.

    Dana

  • Solace
    Solace

    Dana,
    Understood.
    Moving forward,
    I guess we are all kind of doing that just by being here.

  • IslandWoman
    IslandWoman

    Hi Amazing,

    I think had the Watchtower fully disclosed to us is flaws, similar to the way homeowners are required by law to disclose material defects to prospective buyers, then we may have made a different decision.
    True, but the fact was that they were not selling a house, they were selling a religion. Most religions are not set up to tell THE truth just their own brand of truth.

    Heaven, Anglise, ISP, and Pope,

    I was raised as a JW and got baptized at sixteen. We lived in a divided household and experienced ALL the problems associated with that. My Dad was not an understanding man!

    I can only speak from my own experience. I studied the Paradise book as a child, then went on to the Let God Be True. I attended meetings where at times judicial announcements would be made and saw first hand the effects of DF. I was fully aware of the stand on blood, holidays etc. Sure as a kid I went out in Field Service because my Mom said that's what we were doing that day. But I did not remain a child forever! When I grew up I went out in Field Service because I thought that was what Jesus said we should do, "Preach the Kingdom" and also because of Org. pressure to conform. But the same kind of pressure to conform is found everywhere; schools, job, politics, patriotism etc., we all have pressure from others to conform.

    If as an adult I felt that the preaching was stupid, that the blood policy was wrong, that shunning was wrong but nevertheless stayed with the religion it then becomes my decision and therefore my responsibility.

    As a parent I teach my son that should he see his friends getting involved in wrong conduct he is to discontinue the friendship otherwise he will rightly be held responsible along with them, his presence is what determines culpability, not his intentions. How many years did we stay in the Watchtower? How many things did we see go wrong and still stay? How many doubts did we have but stayed? How many did we encourage to stay along with us?

    Few of us were spiritual virgins in the Watchtower, meaning that we all likely had an influence on others. We preached at doors pushing the magazines, we greeted others at the Hall, gave talks etc. We believed just as others did or at least acted as if we believed.

    I am just saying that I really have no reason to be angry with them anymore. They are going the wrong way, but so are a lot of religions! I experienced bad things as a result of association with them but so have many peoples experienced bad things from their associations be it friends, religion, country, caste, economic condition, culture or whatever. This is life.

    I'm not trying to absolve the Watchtower of wrongdoing or resposibility. I'm trying to see that I too played a part in their commission of error. Why? Because first I had to, then I wanted to, then I chose for a while to overlook what I knew were wrong teachings.

    I was trapped just as they all are still trapped but not so much by totally evil men who are out to get them; but mostly by men who are themselves trapped is a false religious system.

    I am free of anger, why be angry with the blind and mislead? That does not mean though that my heart is not broken and hurting. It is!

    IW

  • IslandWoman
    IslandWoman

    Dana,

    Thanks for your comments. Yes, we do feel like survivors of abuse. The Watchtower insists on becoming our "everything", so when we leave it feels many times as if we now have nothing.

    My sister and her husband are just now starting out on that road. They are very "up" right now, glad to be heading out. I remember that feeling, I hope it lasts longer for them than it did for my kids and I. Solitary confinement in your early twenties, the age of my older children, is hard. No friends, no anything.

    The involvement with the Watchtower though has been a valuable lesson in life. They see how easily people can be fooled and misled. They look at people in politics or other arenas of life with a keen eye, aware of the difference between group mentality and individual decision making. It has been a good lesson. In fact, I can honestly say I am happy for the JW experience. The greatest lesson was that even good people can be deceived to the point of committing unkind and hurtful acts towards others, for the sake of religion.

    Thanks again,
    IW

  • Beck_Melbourne
    Beck_Melbourne

    Island Woman

    Thanks so much for putting into words my very own thoughts regarding the WT. You summarised a lot of points that hit home for me. I too was raised in a divided household...and I grew up with a similar exposure to the 'truth' like you did...yet as an adult I still chose to embrace it as my chosen way of life. I walked into it head first...and yet I knew there were things that were not quite right ...but I did it all the same.

    I cannot blame the WT entirely for everything that has gone wrong in my life...I should rightly accept some responsibility for it too...I was not held at gun point to get baptised....it was my own choice as an adult...even if it was peer pressure that influenced my thinking. If I knew then, what I know now, I would have done things a whole different...wouldn't we all!!!

    Thanks for a thought-provoking thread IW.

    Beck

  • JT
    JT

    IW

    reminds me of the famous "Blame the Victim" mindset.

    It is very clear that this poster has done very little research on how High control Groups affect persons, while I agree that the fact i was constipated last year may have little to do with wt, the entire mindset of a sincere jw is influence in every way

    this is why this post while funny and cute really highlights just how the wt has ingrained and programmed the avg jw to think and feel

    and esp if you were like many of us, we were kids

    but then again many who were adults were introduced to this poison at very low points in their life many times

    loss of a love one, bad health struck them, money problem, living in a country where warefare has gone on day and night for the last 15yrs, no food, just poor living conditions , folks living in huts iwth dirt floors, etc.

    and with conditions in ones life such as these, along comes some clean cut person with a BOOK CALLED the bible that many folks have been taught to love and cherish all of thier lives, yet they understood little

    and someone shows them God's name and a few other text and , then invite them to a place where folks don't care if you are poor, uneducated, and have nothing and then tell you that YOU ARE SPECIAl

    the person is LOVED bOMBED everyone wants to come to your house for your bible study, you are told that you are making progress, something that you have never been told in your life, you are startng to feel like part of a big happy family, your husband stop gettig drunk and now you are doing the will of god as a family , is it hard at times o yes but in the end you are told it will be worth any thing

    you make life choices based on the fact that god will hook you up, you are told the david said he never say a righteous one bdg for bread
    you too want to be considered a righteuos one and all you have to do is warn folks of the end,

    when one takes in the entire context of who people lives are when they are introduced to the wt then it takes on a different flavor

    i have always been amazed at how someone can be so FLIP-IT

    about folks who made life choices based on the wrong info and then blame them

    I certainly hope that IW never gets lost in SE DC and ask a clean cut person on the street for directions late one night, who decides that they just want to F#%K with someone this night and send her up a one way street and she runs into the "P Street Crew"

    i'm sure that some one who reads about her being ganged rape and left for half dead the next day in the paper while they are sipping the "Star Bucks" coffee will say;

    "she knew the rules of getting lost in the HOOD"
    just mey 2

  • PopeOfEruke
    PopeOfEruke

    IW

    If as an adult I felt that the preaching was stupid, that the blood policy was wrong, that shunning was wrong but nevertheless stayed with the religion it then becomes my decision and therefore my responsibility.
    I don't share this view with you, even though I know it may be strictly true in a legal sense.

    I consider that my "indoctrination" from birth till adulthood sufficiently distorted my sense of right and wrong, to such an extent that as an adult and in the 'truth" I was unable to make a clear decision.

    Its like when a terrorist holds a gun to the hostage soldiers head (maybe off camera) and the hostage reads an announcement claiming how wrong the USA is etc etc. The hostage knows what he is saying is wrong but as he is under mental duress that act of "treason" is not held against him.

    I believe the emotional blackmail of my mother and other JW family members, even as an adult, is the "gun against my head" and therefore frees me of any responsibilty.

    Anyway thats my story and I'm sticking with it!

    But I am well and truly over any distress, even though talking to my mother usually leaves me, nervous, or frustrated or something like that.

    Hope it works out for you. Don't let the bastards get you down!

    The Pope

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