How Many DF'ing Offences Have You Committed?

by Englishman 34 Replies latest jw friends

  • Englishman
    Englishman

    I must confess that Her ladyship and I lived together for 6 months before we got married, so that must be, er…say 200?

    Then we used to spend 3 nights a week gambling in Tiberius’s casino, even after we got married, so…..umm, say another 250?

    I must have eaten black pudding, say, 100 times?

    I have put up over 3000 posts here, half of them anti-witness, so that must be over 1500 more?

    So, I reckon I must have committed over 2000 DF’ing offences!

    Yet, I reckon that I’m a good father, a faithful husband and honest with money too.

    Whoops, I forgot about oral sex! Damn, now, let me see, umm……4,123, 4,124, 4125……….ah well, none of the above has offended my conscience. Has any of it bothered you? How many times could you have been given The Order Of The Welly Boot?

    Englishman.

  • DakotaRed
    DakotaRed

    The way I see it, I haven't committed any DFing offenses at all. At least, not for a long time. Since I am no longer a dub, how can I committt any offenses?

    But, if you wish to know how many beforehand, well, who can really count?

    If God's Spirit is filling a Kingdom Hall, how is it that Satan can manuever the ones within that Kingdom Hall at the same time?

  • ashitaka
    ashitaka

    Hey E-man,

    Thousands. Since even just talking bad about an elder can get you DF'D, literally thousands of instances.

    And as for sexual positions, if those are DF'ing offences within the marriage arrangement, then probably a few thousand there, too.

    And, Reddy,

    How about you? Has your lifestyle drastically changed since you left?
    I believe you were DF'd, right?
    ashi

  • Joseph Joachim
    Joseph Joachim

    ( Translation requested:
    must have eaten black pudding, say, 100 times?
    What is black pudding? )

    I have committed so many and so varied disfellowshipping offences that I lost count long ago. Just to mention a few, when I went to Rome I visited Saint Sebastian's tomb and lit a candle for him (he's the saint of the gays); after that I bought a crucifix in the church where Paul is buried, and I wear it every day. Also, a year ago, I went to Resurrection Mass for Easter and swallowed the hostia.

    Actually, I don't even realize anymore when I'm committing a disfellowshipping offence. I guess it's a sign of successful deprograming. For example, I bougth a 7 cm wide dildo some days ago. Is that a disfellowshipping offence or not?

  • Celtic
    Celtic

    Got fed up judging myself, stopped counting, can't be bothered to carry around un-nessarsary guilt anymore, weighing me down like a granite boulder round my neck.

    More at peace with myself as a result, certainly, a lot happier.

    Peace

    Mark

  • Farkel
    Farkel

    : How Many DF'ing Offences Have You Committed?

    All of them.

    Farkel

  • William Penwell
    William Penwell

    At least you were not a hypocrate. What about all those good Dub elders that tell you one thing and do something different. Like an ex brother in law of mine. He was a good elder, put in lots of hours banging on doors and that would tell others how to live their lives but abuse his own family.

    Will

    "I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkey's."
    Mark Twain

  • DakotaRed
    DakotaRed
    How about you? Has your lifestyle drastically changed since you left?
    I believe you were DF'd, right?
    ashi

    No, I DA'd myself after a long period of inactivity. I was trying to just fade away, but some elders decided I was so horrible towards my dub step-family, that they needed to go after my jugular. At any rate, they ended up with egg on their face and I just got so tired of their trying to exercise any type of control on me that I sent in a letter along with copies and references to Watchtower articles and copies of Washington State law on abuse, showing what hypocrites they were.

    In my experience, the dubs didn't encourage disciplining children, but vere horrified that the step-kids were disciplined at all. By this, I mean that I wasn't permitted to ground them without some idiot elder, or his elderette wife, interfering. The dub wife would agree with me when we discussed it, but when she went to the KH, would whine to an elder that it was mean of me to not allow her son to attend a ball game after the meeting, with other dubs.

    Of course, this is the same wife, who shortly before we married, had an attack of conscience and squealed to the elders that we engaged in petting, to the point of mutual orgasm (if not to that point, why bother?) prior to marriage. Naturally, they formed a JC and in the brillant benevolence, decided to privately reprove us. What I still find ludicrous, is that her conscience didn't bother her enough to also report we engaged in oral sex prior to marriage. Selective conscience, I guess.

    As to my lifestyle changing, I would have to say it has changed drastically, at least for right now. I have always been a laid back down to earth person. After Vietnam, I was a real mellow guy, always there for anyone and trusting. Since becoming a JW and especially marrying one, I now have high blood pressure, bitter feelings towards many and am very distrustful of most people. I can see there is no changing anything within this marriage and am just waiting on it to end.

    Since I purchased the house we live in last year, I will await her to leave. If what I overhear from her monsters is correct, they should be gone in May.

    Let them and the Watchtower have each other. They all deserve it.

    If God's Spirit is filling a Kingdom Hall, how is it that Satan can manuever the ones within that Kingdom Hall at the same time?

  • GentlyFeral
    GentlyFeral

    I disagree with Celtic's assessment that keeping track of DF'ing offenses is "judging yourself." Whenever I feel a little stale or feckless, I go out and rack up another disfellowshipping.

    Of course, it's much easier if it's close to election day or orgy night.

    Besides taking lovers (with my husband's permission, but that's another thread), I've voted in almost every election since I DA'd, joined two other religions, practiced witchcraft (must be at least a thousand separate "offenses"), marched in several Gay Pride parades, and associated on a weekly basis with queer folk and practicers of false religion. Oh, and apostates. Make that daily "bad association." I don't think that would count, except that I haven't repented even once.

    And, come to think of it, I totally forgot the "drug abuse."

    GentlyFeral
    Should I visit Babylon the Great today, or just stay home and worship my idols?

  • plmkrzy
    plmkrzy

    I was defp'd before I got baptized.(or had a chance to)

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