Hi Grunt,
I'm sorry to hear about the situation with your daughter.
I am also a parent but my kids aren't involved with the WTS.
Hopefully they remain that way.
What you said about your daughter stating that her faith was being destroyed with questions just goes to show how fragile most JWs faith really is.
Most will shy away from questions that they can't answer from the WT publications.
They really don't know how to react to people that challenge what they perceive to be Gods truths especially when they don't have answers.
Hopefully your daughter will reach her own crisis of concience and when she does you'll be there with a helping hand.
Until then, keep the faith.
neyank
Advantages of being a JW
by ISP 46 Replies latest jw friends
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neyank
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Grunt
WEll, it has been a while now, and I mentioned it because when I hear people like DF who really believe that the Jehovah's Witnesses embody so much good, so much love, so much that is sterling and to be admired, it is my best answer to them. If you have been around Witnesses for very long then you have heard of so many similar situations and many so much worse. I don't know if you post or read at H20, but Snowball's situation was enough to turn your stomach with the Tower and its version of Christian Love. He had doubts about blood, had been posting about it, his wife found out, he wound up losing his wife and kids, and was disfellowshipped. Not for any biblical wrong, but for disagreeing with them on blood. He didn't take blood, didn't give blood, just had a different opinion on blood. He has all of my admiration for the way he handled things. If you go to his site (which if terrific) he also has some good information on cults. Thanks for your good wishes. The one this deal of mine has hurt the most is my wife, who was also hurt when I became a Witness. She had to put up with all the crap attending being married to a Witness then was so happy when I stopped attending and now has lost a daughter to the cult. My daughter e-mails her but never sees her. She threw my wife in when she cut me out. Though she lives about an hour away, my wife hasn't been in my daughters home in going on two years now. A mother who always put her children's needs far above her own, a loving tender heart, she doesn't feel welcome there with me and won't go without me. A poster here, Seven of Nine, put it so well when referring to her parents and the changes in the relationship, she called it having Stepford Parents. If you are familiar with the movie the Stepford Wives, you get the connotation. Witnesses being constantly admonished to seek "upbuilding" or "Good" association begin withdrawing from family as they get in deeper. The withdrawal becomes a rout when they feel threatened. They are taught that they know so much and in fact they know so very little, about religion and about their own history, frequently they don't even know what they currently believe. My daughter didn't know anything about the seven thousand year creative days, about any "naming the animals" phase in the Society's explanation of why things didn't happen in 1975. She didn't know that they didn't view Jesus as her Mediator. Her reply on that was, "Yes we do, I pray through him all the time." When I told her that the Society's view was different than her own she screamed and threw the phone down. This is a person that gave up a career, children and her parents for this group. She has a lot invested in their being right and doesn't want to see any handwriting on the wall. With DF, it sounds as though this is a person who has the Society on a pedestal and is eager to do penance to get back in and assume the role of "worshipful admirer" to their role of "humble greatness blessed with authority" and it makes me sad to see anyone prostrate themselves in front of people like this. It is DF's life, it just makes me want to interject my own experience if it will open his or her eyes a little. Thanks for the good wishes. I hope all of yours are happy, well and free of any cults. I do hope mine, including my parents, will be one day. My parents are still their own people, will skip a meeting in a heart beat to take care of company. I am really grateful for them and for my relationship with them which is real close.
When you have people of the caliber of Seven, Waiting, Frenchy, Mommy, Snowball and so many others leaving and leaving at great cost, it bears scrutiny to see why. I believe with all my heart that the best and brightest are leaving in droves. Thank goodness the kids are mostly fleeing as soon as they are able. I hope it continues until the Organization is empty. DF, I wish you well. Thank you again Yank, for the good wishes. -
waiting
Hey Grunt,
Thank you for sharing your insight. I'm sorry for your daughter's choices - hopefully she'll realize what she's losing and turn around.
My daughter was df'd. I didn't break all association, but wouldn't eat in restaurants with her, go shopping etc. I was always uncomfortable not eating in public with her - but I was afraid we'd *be seen* and I would get in trouble. Ah well, didn't say I was perfect.
However, she visited at my home and I at hers, and we sent cards to each other. Over the years, we started shopping, eating in restaurants together, btw. I was talking to her on the phone one day, asked if she got a card I had just sent her. She had but said she was always nervous to open them. Why? "I'm always afraid this'll be the one where you say you can't in good conscience associate with me anymore." I told her I'd never send that one. Ah well, I was growing by then.
The point being, it's just a hard situation for all concerned. And it shouldn't have been put upon us in the first place - but we accepted it.
waiting
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Grunt
Like I said Waiting, there are so many stories here. Thank you for telling that part of yours. I always really enjoy hearing about the paths others have followed and the insights gained along the way. Thank God, for poetry, the beauty in nature, loving spouses, and good friends. When I first found all the other ex-JWs, I felt like the prophet that thought he was alone in resisting when it turned out thousands (seven?) of others hadn't bent their knees either. It helps to know there are intelligent, good people out there that have arrived at the same conclusions, and experienced some of the same things. Have a great weekend.
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mommy
Grunt,
I had tears in my eyes as I read your posts. I know how it feels. I so admire your wife, what a beautiful person she is. I hope what I suggest doesn't offend, but I would like to suggest something to you.
Send your daughter a note. Yes just a note, tell her how much you love her and tell her personally what about her makes her special. If she doesn't reply, don't be discouraged, send another! Keep sending notes everyday if you want. She will read them. My daughter is only 6 yrs old. she has a heart condition and has no hope for growing up in this world. Sometimes I envy that. But I always tell her every day what about her I love, because I never know if she will be here tomorrow.
The JW way of thinking is WRONG! Your daughter has a wall up, you can break it down. Like I said let her know she means something to you, even ask about her day and service and meetings. This will eventually weigh on her, and she will realize you are still there for her. Think about it the wtbts has her 3 or more days a WEEK. I say show up more than they do!
like I said this is only a suggestion, but I hate to see all those years with her lost:(
MUCH love and prayers for you brother!
wendy -
happytobefree
Wendy,
That is a great suggestion. And I can say it can work. My elder father said he did not want to talk to me anymore. I was hurt at first, but knowing how the JW mindset work, I accepted his choice. But I choose to do as I have always done for my DAD and that is to love him. So whenever I would hear he was sick, I would call him and ask how he was doing. He would start off saying I told you I could not talk to you. And I would reply - that's your choice, but I love you and I don't care if what religion you choose or how you feel about me - I'm going to continue to love you and to have concern over your well being. Well to make a long story short, we now talk at least once a month. He call to see how the grandkids are doing (he LOVES them to death), and yes he still reminds me to come back to Jehovah and my response is - I never left him and I always end the conversation with I LOVE YOU. It took a while to get our relationship to this point, but I don't think it would have made it this far - if I had chose not to continue to let him know that I love him no matter what. And another thing, he has been talking to my brother about some organizational problems (brother was never baptized). So I see this as a sign that all is not well in paradise.
So Grunt, maybe with prayer and letting your daughter know (which I know she know) she is in your heart and you only want what is best for her. Because as I always say: You will know God's people by the love they show.
Happy to be Free (Me)
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eyes_opened
Just a quick apology to Grunt and all...Didn't mean to put a silly post in the middle of a serious discussion. Didn't realize that the theme had changed. Sorry Grunt, I hope that things get better for you! {{{hugs}}}
eyes
"One Persons Heresy Is Anothers Truth"
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Sabrina99
Born in, not given a choice. JW way or highway. Highway is fantastic! Advantage= one step above Jim Jones cult.
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Sabrina99
I see friends with their families and I often feel envious, but I accepted a long time ago that the rules are the rules and some JW's do not break them for anyone. I am happy that some JW parents respond to exjw's communication, but it isn't very often they will bend on their rules. My parents will not speak to me unless I go crawling back to JW's and beg them to let me back in. I will be dead before I will ever do that! You see, they are brainwashed and I can't break through a wall that my family constructed when CT Russel was still on the scene. My parents grew up celebrating Christmas and Birthdays and still didn't think twice about banning their children from knowing those joys as they had. When I was just 8 my mother told me they used to celebrate. I wanted to know why it was so wrong. I think the JW's are too old fashioned for today. They change their rules so often, they are comical already!
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Grunt
Please forgive my tardiness in responding as we had to go to Atlanta and just got back in.
Thanks to all for their advice and patience. I don't tell this to spread my personal business and problems, I tell it in the hopes that it will help any lurker thinking of joining the Witnesses, to think again or at least be aware of how it can affect your family life. I tell it in the hopes that any honest hearted Witness might see mirrored in the story the pain they are inflicting on loved ones and stop. I tell it so that any open-minded Witness can see the flaws in a system sanctioned by the Society not to keep it clean but to shut up questioners and keep those in with blinders on. It is emotional blackmail of the first order. Seriously question anything and you lose your, _______________, fill in the blank. My problems, as shown here, are small compared to so many others. I am not looking for sympathy, just wanting the truth known and exposed. The only way Witnesses or non-Witnesses can know what is really happening to families because of the Society is if those being blackmailed speak up. I try to speak up loudly.Mommy, I am so very sorry about your daughter's illness. I am humbled by the situation you face. Words fail me. I will have her, and you, in my thoughts and prayers, as will my wife.