The shift: from follower to wanting to leave (page 5)

paradisebeauty

@ FayeDunaway,

I would love to be your friend in real life, too, but I live far away - as in central europe. But feel free to pm me any time. I would be happy to talk to you.

Vidiot

Giordano - "WTBS has a track record of dishonouring other humans, taking their words and twisting them - and publishing them on a global scale."

Which is cheating.

And if you have to cheat to defend your beliefs, your beliefs don't deserve to be defended.

x

Giordano - "...another turning point was the illustration of Jehovahs earthly organisation that showed the GB at top of the pecking order sitting around a boardroom table in their Pullman executive chairs, all the way down to humble stackable chairs for the publishers and no Jesus in sight.."

That was a powerful image (and probably the most accurate thing they've ever published).

It made me think of Halliburton, actually.

Fernando

Thank you for sharing your experience paradisebeauty.

My awakening was far more gradual but still very challenging.

You are doing very well under the circumstances - I'm ever so slightly jealous, in a nice way of course, and very happy for you.

Yup, stay away from the hounders/Pharisees.

Take your time, and enjoy the journey as much as you can.

If and when you want like-minded friends on the journey we'd be delighted.

Mr & Mrs Fernando

SEQ, Australia

PS - Your English is pretty good.

Welcome to the forum, welcome to your freedom! My awakening was very quick as well, but you must remember to not go full-blown apostate on your relatives just yet.....especially if you must remain in for family reasons. It is also very helpful to do some research on the works of Steven Hassan: (Combating Cult Mind Control and Freedom of Mind), check out his website, and continue to educate yourself. Most importantly, don't for one moment allow yourself to feel any guilt over your new discoveries.....this is a tactic used by the org. to control people, when you get over the guilt...you have broken free.

Best Wishes, BF98

millie210

How did I miss this thread?

Welcome Paradisebeauty!

Your opening post is well thought out and very clear.

I wish I could say I was smart enough to figure it out like you did but I wasnt. I was "going along to get along" so to speak until I witnessed an act of major injustice and the resulting cover up involving a couple elders and a circuit overseer.

Of course I thought that all that was needed was for me to call attention to it and it would be resolved higher up!

As you can imagine that was a big joke. The further I climbed seeking clarity justice and sane thinking the murkier things got. Anything from "just leave this alone please" to at the worst, lying on the part of the perpetrators.

Then and only then did all the doubts and whispers I had for years start coming in trickles and finally in waves.

I have been trying to negotiate a fade away since I still have most family members in. I have not been to a meeting in 5 months and my mind is starting to feel so clear that only now do I realize how crowded it was in my head, between trying to think reasonably and trying to fit in all the insanity that is the "Org"

So glad youre here and will look forward to reading your "process" as I go through mine!

Sofia Lose

Welcome to this community.

Ever since learning TTATT, it is so very difficult being a JW and pretending all is fine. I must hang on because my immediate and extended family is large and heavily invested in this faith. It is super rough on the psyche, though.

SL

Driving Force

@ paradisebeauty

I am a fader and recently I had a discussion with someone in the congregation I considered to be a friend, and as many on here have realized there are no real friends with JWs, its all conditional.

Basically the brother said I should be honest and open to the organization and send a letter saying that I no longer wish to be a JW. I pointed out the the organization lies, cheats and uses undue influence on all its members to keep them under control, but I should be open and honest.

No way.
The organization/elders do not need to know.
Keep them guessing.
If you do not attend meetings or go in the ministry, but do not actively oppose the organization they can do nothing to you. That means that if you meet a witness on the street he/she will talk to you.
On no accounts allow two elders to visit you and question you about your beliefs, they are just looking for a way to denounce you, and they will.
They did it to me, before I started to fade, it was a very simple thing. I always said no to resolutions and they sent two elders to investigate. Altrough I had on three separate occasions to three different elders explained that to simply announce a resolution to the congregation out of the blue and not give the members any chance to think about it and to ask questions was not christian (2 minute question time before the resolution is not sufficient).

To get me to agree to the visit, they lied and fabricated some excuse.
Thereafter I accused them of using Gestapo tactics, and as I live in Germany this hit them very hard, but they could not deny that the tactics were Gestapo like. I.e. not being honest about the visit, sending two and then questioning me.

So the advice that you have already received here is great, do nothing, do not play into their hands.
Doing that you can be completely honest.

Muddy Waters

Alive & Vidiot, do you remember from which WT was that illustration of the "chain of command"? -- The one with the GB on top of the world in their fancy chairs, down to the measly publishers with their stackable chairs, and, as you mentioned, no Jesus in sight?

disillusioned 2

It was 1975 that woke me up. Not immediately, I stayed a long time after that. Most of my family are in. I was at school leading up to '75 and remember it all like it was yesterday. It was all anyone talked about. Stay alive till '75, its just around the corner, don't go to college cos the new system will be here before you know it! Some of my friends congregations had charts on the wall counting down the months.

My mother and close friend used to say my little sister and her children who were at primary school would never finish before it came. I wouldn't go away on holiday with my friends because I didn't want to be away from my family when it came.

Time went by, I got married and had 5 children in 10 years, not all planned! It was really hard and I guess we didn't get to many meetings or out on ministry at that time so got 'spiritually weak' When we did go I started questioning things but kept them to myself. It was when years after '75 having conversations with different ones and they would deny that the society had ever said it and I would get frustrated and have no way of proving to them. I didn't have any old literature. I had discussions with my mum expecting her to agree with me but she said "the society never actually said it, we did, we got it wrong! I couldn't believe what I was hearing. We had many arguments and I got nowhere. By this point I went on the internet typed in 1975 Jehovah's witnesses and of course I found it. Luckily (though I didn't think so at the time) some months prior to this my husband got a load (about 20) watchtower and awake bound volumes. We had the 1968 watchtower that asked Why are you looking forward to 1975! I took it to my mum, opened it and her mouth literally fell open. She read the whole article in silence then proceeded to make excuses. We argued, she got upset, I felt awful that I had upset her. I realized she was too old to change so we try not to speak about it anymore.

I couldn't stop searching then. I literally found out more about the society than I had when I was in. It is very hard not to talk to those I love about everything I've found out but I've tried and they won't listen. I have my children, none of them believe (because we were so bad at taking them when they were young). We are close, I think I would go mad if it wasn't for them. My husband has recently been persuaded to go back, he never stopped believing. Reading other's comments and their stories is very helpful, you know your not alone going through this.

The shift: from follower to wanting to leave