newbie here - i need advice

by kassad84 36 Replies latest jw friends

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  kassad84

  hello, i've been lurking in this forums for a while but its only now that i've created an account. i'm an inactive JW, been in and out sporidically these past few years, but its only these recent months after reading crisis of conscience and christian freedom that i think i will never go back there again.

  the reason i've been inactive primarily is because i have issues regarding masturbation and porn. my conscience cannot allow to continue preaching while i continously being overcome by these habits myself. in my opinion, the thing with the watchtower is that they constantly force this preaching work to all, eclipsing everything else including displaying more important things like love, compassion, understanding. i sincerely think that preaching is not the most important thing in christianity, but it is the by-product once you start to conquer you own demons and do these christian things before you even preach it to others. i feel that almost shove the preaching work into people's throats at the cost of people becoming hypocrites.

  and then i got a hold of the two books by brother ray franz...

  i need help guys, now that i am never going back, i just feel. so. alone. i feel so lonely. and i think i am at a worse condition than when i was before. im at the mercy of this addiction i can't seem to defeat. Jehovah seems far. Jesus seems far. i am at the mercy of myself. back in the kingdom hall i might have derive inspiration from others, now i'm not able to do that. despite what the watchtower is doing, all the regular JWs i know are good people. at least people trying their best to be good. they are just victims like us. In the "outside", seems like people everywhere doesn't care much about morality.

  but anyways, i am not sure if you also have this kind of problem. i'm wondering if you have any advice that could help on how to overcome it? The elders and the CO in my cong. just offered the same prescription. In addition to reading the Bible: go out and preach. Perhaps they are right? Maybe not.
  
  I hate myself. If there is a hell, this is it. There's so much bliss in death. But maybe even in death, there is God's mercy. Shame is all i see and feel now.
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  MrsCedars

  Hello kassad84 and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you feel alone, I still feel that way too sometimes. It is normal at the beginning. You will find loads of awesome people here that have gone through the same thing as you, so hang in there!!!
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  DNCall

  Welcome to the forum!

  The content of what Jehovah's Witnesses preach is erroneous. You may have already come to this conclusion yourself. This alone removes any guilt or shame over your not preaching the JW doctrine. Your take on conquering your own demons before preaching to others is spot on.

  There is much data that masturbation can actually be of benefit. Of course there are arguments against this as you well know. You do well to inform yourself on this subject.

  Regarding addiction to porn, there are professionals who are trained to assist with this very issue. Investigate what might be available to you.

  Outside the organization of Jehovah's Witnesses there are countless sources of inspiration, people who aren't victims of misinformation, who are thinking clearly and whose accomplishments and deeds are inspirational.

  Please don't hate yourself. I believe you are well on your way to conqueirng your demons!
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  The Searcher

  It takes courage to admit that what you're doing is affecting your spirituality and whole outlook on life. Likewise, it takes a certain type of courage to join a website such as this and not feel like some sort of apostate - because that is what we would be labelled if certain ones found out.

  I can truly empathise with your situation, but it is possible to exercise self-control over our weaknesses. I used to be as immoral as the next guy, as well as being compulsively foul-mouthed, but all of that changed in an instant when I studied & debated the Bible with a non-Witness, and finally came to the realisation that there truly is a Grand Creator, and that my lifestyle was way off what he required of someone claiming to follow His son.

  Long story short - I became a Witness, but having been in for a number of years, came to discover that various teachings are corruptions of Scripture to benefit certain ones. However, we''ve had warnings about this for nearly 2000 years, so why should we be surprised?

  If (as many will argue) we are not amongst God's people, then the following Scriptures must be applied to another group of persons; Matt. 25:48; 2 Thess. 2:4, 9-12; 1st Peter 4:17; Rev. chapters 2 & 3.

  These verses are condemnatory, and were given as a clear warning as to how the true Christian congregation would be contaminated, prior to Christ's return & judgement.

  When the appropriate time comes to leave, I am in no doubt that it will be unambiguous.

  I fear for those who are ignoring the aforementioned warnings, based on false teachings fed to them.

  Keep trusting & praying.

  (1 Corinthians 10:13) No temptation has taken YOU except what is common to men. But God is faithful, and he will not let YOU be tempted beyond what YOU can bear, but along with the temptation he will also make the way out in order for YOU to be able to endure it.
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  ruderedhead

  Welcome, kassad84!

  It sounds like you are conflicted about quite a few things, and your last line indicates that you are in a great deal of pain. I hope you are seeking professional counselling to help you deal with what you are feeling. If you don't have insurance to cover it, or can't afford it, there are places to get assistance at reduced cost.

  Please do NOT beat yourself up over masturbation & porn. You are not the only person in the world that indulges in those, and you need to reset your thinking. They DO NOT make you a bad person!

  Know that you are not alone here. There are many wonderful people who are more than happy to converse with you, and offer advice if you need it. Many have been through issues involving the WT as well, and empathize with what you are going through. I believe that you will be able to derive inspiration through them. And Jehovah God and Jesus are not far away. They love you, and I believe that they will help you if you ask. Perhaps that is why you have found this site?

  I wish you all the best, and please feel free to pm me if you just need to vent privately. (((kassad84)))
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  LouBelle

  kassad84 - a very warm welcome.

  The faith and a lot of christian religions speak against masturbation and porn. I remember hating myself as well every time I touched myself. I would feel so ashamed and dirty, that I had done the unspeakable.

  The first thing you need to make peace with is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with masturbation. It is a natural thing to do. I believe it is important to know what you like, how you like to be touched in order to communicate that with a partner.

  As for porn - everyone's taste varies. As long as you understand that sex is not usually like that and don't expect your partner or yourself to last or act like they do - you should be fine.

  This is not a disease. This is not a bad thing.
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  breakfast of champions

  Welcome. I would highly recommend seeing a psychologist to help sort out your issues. It's amazing the kind of inappropriate guilt that we heap upon ourselves. Talking things out with someone who knows what they're doing (not the elders!) is really helpful. Best of luck.

  and you are not alone!
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  perfect1

  Porn is just Porn. Its not a sin! Its actually even funny! Assuming you are not a virgin you will see the humor! It can also get you off. Masturbation is also nothing to be ashamed of! Masturbation has saved me from many bad decisions! If you feel you are addicted, just keep going till you are not anymore. Also, try to find members of the opposite sex to relate to. That will help.

  OUTSIDE PEOPLE do care about morality, its just not preachy or as easy to identify as what you see and hear among JWs. Most people have enough self control that two adults behind a closed door will NOT Automatically have sexual intercourse.

  Tee hee!
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  trujw

  Since it is not banned anywhere in the bible perhaps it is something God has provided so that we are not tempted into greater sin.
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  cantleave

  More man-made rules and regulations to try and control you by guilt. Welcome to JWN, let the healing begin!