newbie here - i need advice

by kassad84 36 Replies latest jw friends

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Working on the alone-ness

    People are social creatures. We get a great deal from our network of friends and family. It's a social safety net that helps us get through the harsh times. Probably the most important transition step is to start building relationships with people outside the hall. Because separation from the society is so hard on people. You have co-workers, neighbours. You could take up a hobby and network with new people that way. There are community leagues and various charities in your neighbourhood that you could get involved in. At least go to an introductory meeting and check it out. Check out meetup.com for like-minded people like you (and yes, there are ex-JW meetups).

    Give "worldly" people a fair shake

    There are lots of highly moral people outside the WTS. Don't buy in to what the literature has drilled in to you. You aren't going to meet them at the strip club, though. See my notes above.

    Separated from Jehovah

    I am going to offer a teaching from my church to see if it provides some comfort. We are taught that conviction comes from God (to be a better person I am called to do this) and that condemnation comes from that Other Place. I see this phenomenon in my JW husband all the time and my heart weeps for him. When you stand condemned, you separate yourself from the healing love of God. Your focus is on guilt, your self-worth is attacked, and you are imprisoned by your wayward desires. The way guilt and self-condemnation works, however, is that you are drawn ever inward in a vicious circle (guilt, avoidance, temptation, cave in, condemnation, guilt....).

    I suggest you cut yourself some slack. The essence of sin is harm; harm to yourself or harm to others. Unless you are so active you've developed chafe marks, I suggest these are fairly harmless activities. Take away the guilt from the activity and it no longer becomes your constant focus.

  • Fernando
    Fernando

    A very warm welcome kassad84!

    You are much further on the road to spiritual healing and recovery than you realise.

    You have rejected the hypocrisy many in the Watchtower religion embrace. Jesus is delighted I'm sure!

    Religion is designed to promote fear, shame, guilt and addiction.

    The 12-step program used by over 200 self-help organisations worldwide is built on the fact that the only real way to beat addiction is through a spiritual awakening (check www.aa.org.au, 12 steps and 12 traditions).

    The unabridged "good news" being the very opposite of religion, is designed to break all fear, shame, guilt and addiction.

    I am convinced God does not look at masturbation in the same way that self-righteous and hypocritical religionists do.

    CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) by a good Psychologist can be great help as it looks at the roots of addictive or unhelpful behaviour (such as porn). Our behaviour is underpinned by emotions and feelings, which is underpinned by our thinking, which is underpinned by our beliefs, which are rooted in the "human spirit". This explains why religion targets and poisons the human spirit.

    One day you will hopefully look back, see, and agree that your real problem was actually religion, which kept you away from the "good news" of unmerited favour, and from God. Key powerful elements of the "good news" that the Watchtower has deliberately hidden from you are IMPUTED righteousness (justification), IMPUTED holiness (sanctification), IMPUTED sinlessness (forgiveness), and IMPUTED freedom (liberation).

    These are all "free gifts" that no one can earn, deserve or pay for. This explains why Ray Franz viewed rule-making and rule-keeping ("legalism") as a denial of Christian faith (apostasy).

    Best wishes on your life's journey, and on your stay here on JWN.

    Greetings and blessings

    Fernando

    South East Queensland, Australia

    PS - Religion is spiritual pornography of the worst kind. The Governing Body (ruling religious clergy class) are of the most prolific spiritual masturbators and fornicators on planet earth. Jesus spoke strongly against teaching religion to others in Matthew 23 especially verse 15. Jesus called it "whitewashing graves", "cleaning the outside of the cup", "gnat straining" (physical masturbation is supposedly not OK), and "camel gulping" (spiritual pornography is supposedly fine).

  • tornapart
    tornapart

    Welcome kassad84. The guilt you feel is the guilt that's been piled on you by the WT not by God. God knows that we sin and fall short all the time. Paul called himself 'a miserable man' because he couldn't do what he wanted to do and he did what he didn't want to do. It's called human nature. How does God feel about it? What about the time when the Jews wanted to stone the woman for adultery? Jesus told them whoever was without sin to cast the first stone. They couldn't do it.. he knew they were all sinners. What about Jesus parable of the prodigal son? When the son came home his father never even waited to find out if his son was 'repentant'.. he just went to him with open arms. The very fact that Jesus came to earth to give his life as a ransom shows how he and his Father feel. They KNOW we cannot go through life without sinning. Once we understand that we can feel love for them and not fear. That love then grows and with it the desire inside us grows towards NOT sinning. But each time we do we know we have Jesus atoning sacrifice to cover those sins.

    Feelings of guilt can cause us to give up on God and Christ, they don't want that at all. They love you and want you to succeed. They speak to us through the Bible. The WT speaks through words of men.

  • cobaltcupcake
    cobaltcupcake

    Welcome, Kassad84!

    You've received tons of good advice in this thread.

    I just want to add that you are not an evil person at all. JWs want you to beat you down so that you'll feel unable to leave. Don't believe what their propaganda tells you.

  • kassad84
    kassad84

    hey guys, i really appreciate your answers, i am reading and considering them very closely. it gives me a sense of comfort to find that there are still those that doesn't stop showing empathy. thanks guys.

  • Giordano
    Giordano

    Welcome Kassad84. So let me get this straight, one of your problems is that your spanking the monkey and using Porn to achieve the proper result.

    That isn't a problem in fact your doing what you were designed to do or as some of us prefer..... evolved to do. It's a health issue not a moral issue. Read on:

    http://members.loveherright.com/content/7-critical-medical-reasons-have-frequent-sex-will-save-your-life

    "Now we have scientific evidence that having and maintaining a healthy sex life is key to your health and longevity. There are emotional reasons to have frequent sex as well, but the evidence by medical practitioners is consistent…sex is good for your health!

    Now, what do we mean by sex? We define sex as having an orgasm, whether by yourself or with a partner. It is the physical process of having an orgasm that releases chemicals in our bodies that gives us these benefits. The best part is that we keep these chemical levels elevated for up to 36 hours after having had orgasmic sex.

    So what are the 7 reasons?

    1) Sex increases your immune system.
    Frequent sex lowers your potential to get infections. This includes the H1N1 virus and other flu viruses.
    2) Orgasms increase bladder health.
    The muscles used in men and women during climax are referred to as the PC muscles. Contraction of these muscles stimulate the prostate and help contract against the vessels of the urinary system, thus helping to reduce incontinence later in life for men and women.
    3) Decrease the risk of prostate cancer.
    Male orgasms are a result of contraction of muscles surrounding the prostate gland, which aids in the ejaculatory response. Frequent orgasms keep the prostate healthier due to the more frequent stimulation of the glandular tissue.
    4) Healthy sex keeps your heart healthy and lowers the risk of heart attack and stroke.
    Good sexual activity gets your heart pumping and keeps the blood vessels open by allowing the blood to flow throughout the body. In many case of Erectile Dysfunction, there are already signs of cardiovascular disease which disables the ability for a man to maintain an erection.
    5) Reduce risk of bone loss
    Sexual activity decreases the chances of osteoporosis, or thinning of the bones, a common cause of hip fractures when we fall later in life.
    6) Keeps you in good shape by burning calories!
    You can burn 100-150 calories by having 30 minutes of sexual activity. This is the best diet invented…having longer sexual encounters burn even more calories, so go for the sexual marathon to stay fit!
    7) Increases longevity
    People who have frequent sex add 3-8 years to their lives. In addition, women report that their skin stays tighter and more youthful. Throw away the Botox and crawl into bed! How frequent is “frequent”? In order to maintain maximum effects from having sex more often, it is recommended to have sex every 24-36 hours. That way the chemicals that our bodies produce stay with us and maintain the benefits described above. So, whether you are a couple or are single, you can reap the benefits of frequent sex..it is better than an apple a day! Make frequent dates with yourself or with your partner, get sexy and keep healthy!
  • jamiebowers
    jamiebowers

    First, welcome to JWN! Second, it wasn't until after he started to control the sex lives of his cult members that Charles Manson was able to get them to kill for him. Think about that concept while comparing it to the Watchtower. Third, it looks like Giordano has given you a good start, but please study the science of sex. Although there is a wide sexual spectrum among all creatures, masturbation is a common practice. Fourth, determine whether or not you are really addicted to porn. While addiction is a complex subject, generally a practice is not an addiction unless it disrupts your daily life. Study up on addiction, and/or see a therapist to see if it's a big a problem as you think it is.

    The world is your oyster. You are free to determine what your actions will be and how you live your life. It can be scary, but it's part of growing up and reaching emotional maturity.

  • jwfacts
    jwfacts

    Welcome. Sorry to hear what you are going through. Now you have determined not to go back you can work on building a new life. You will be lonely for a while, but life will get much better for you.

    Almost 100% of men masturbate, and always have, so it is natural. Where in the Bible is this common practice condemned? Do not feel shame about masturbation. It just the rule of a cult.

  • NOLAW
    NOLAW

    Find a girl dude. JW or non it doesn't matter.

  • lumper
    lumper

    Welcome k84, I don't know how old you are but if you are between 12 and 25 and single it is perectly natural to like porn and masturbation. Be careful that porn doesn't warp your view of what is natural or common between a man and women but don't stress on a natural thing. But do go find a woman it is much better that way.

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit