by Billy the Ex-Bethelite 78 Replies latest social humour
Time to add to my favorite thread I started this year...
WT is doing market research into their "Paradise Spheres". Don't mistake them for crystal balls. These are non-demonic devices that dubs can gaze into to visualize a future of petting pandas or burying slaughtered neighbors and non-JW family members.
Billy, does the Paradise sphere "snow" on the 124 building when you invert it?
Luv ya! Great thread!!!!!
Okay, so there was no release at the DC this year of "Watchtower Goggles", "3d Specs", or "Paradise Spheres". I was very upset with my reliable sources... until they told me the latest invention that the GB is working on in Brooklyn that will eclipse these trinkets.
I'm sorry but I can't reveal this secret information just yet. Since I got misinformation once, I'm going to be extra careful this time and pray to Jehovah AND to Freddie Franz about this in order to find out the truth and make it my own... or whatever. But this news is big... BIG, I tell you! It will help to explain the reason for the missing Bibles from KH inventory. And it might simplify the administration of "Anointification Neutralizers", although I'd still love to see a CO go rogue and shoot a bunch of Anointification Neutralizer darts into a GB member during a DC or SAD.
Billy the X...You don't win just the cake...You win the whole Bakery!
Thank you mucho much for a #1 Winning Thread! and and 3 Gold Stars. lol lol lol
Just Lois in The North Pacific
LOL ...
BTTT for the holiday season!
WT needs to stop fighting against the Christmas spirit of giving, and cash in on it instead.
Hey WT Corporation! You could rake in the dough if you'd start marketing my new business ideas... I'd only charge a modest fee for my product and marketing ideas.
With apologies Billy.....
NEW GOGGLES FOR MINISTERIAL SERVANTS AND ELDERS! If you're a Tier 1,2, or 3 appointed servant in either class, these glasses are for you!
TIER 1 MS: If you are 17 years old, or 92, swear up and down that you love Jehover, claim 10 hours in FS or more a month, and are actually seen at meetings for FS, (oh yeah, you have, or used to have, testicles) then these are for you. Because there is no chance that you are ever going to be appointed an elder anytime soon, so the only thing you need to see are the schedules on the information board for your work assignments, and the answers to read out of a WT or KM.
TIER 2 MS: If you are in your mid 20's and up, and have at least 2 years of MS experience, and have shown you can read the information board and the answers directly out of the WT or KM, you get to step up to these bad boys. These are special, because they direct you on which elders ass you need to kiss, which you need to avoid, and which slothy elders you need to gossip and complain about "have a discussion about" with one of the elders on the Circus Committee to make yourself look better. Only given to MS who think they would make GREAT elders and definitely "do things differently" than the elders currently on the body.
TIER 3 MS: If you have been a career MS, and feel that you've been passed over for being an elder because the BOE hates you, YOU'RE RIGHT YOU PAIN IN THE ASS SELF RIGHTEOUS MS! To avoid being deleted in an elder inspired power play because you forgot which elders ass you need to kiss, these Tier 3 models will help you shred every last bit of your identity and self esteem. Soon, your whole mission in going to the KH and out in FS will be to show just what a company man you are. And even though technically you do need testicles to serve in an appointed position, the BOE and the Holy Spirit would just as soon that you put those things away and nod your head "yes" to everything they say. (Note, these goggles are esp good if you have totally indoctrinated family members putting pressure on you as to why you aren't playing ball yet. Just put em on and be done with it. The elders are always right, unless they're wrong, in which case, they're still right, cuz the holy spirit was just checking to see if you all were awake!)
FOR ELDERS
TIER 1 for ELDERS: For newly appointed elders in search of their first publisher to disfellowship, these goggles are esp helpful in looking for members of your flock that have low self esteem, need help, and is open to "temptation." In short, they're ripe to screw up! Get involved early and condemn them, but don't really help them. Being in on the action first bumps you to the front of the line to be in on your first few JC's, where you can act like a wild monkey on meth and get away with it! (Or Alec Baldwin on a commercial flight)
TIER 2 for ELDERS: Trying to figure out how to get be a circuit or district level elder? Would you like the added prestige that comes from building KH's with the RBC as a department head? Would you like to help the GB kill patients who need blood by joining an HLC? Then these glasses are for you. Although they are designed first and foremost for elders who pretend to pioneer, any zealous sounding elder who can give a green handshake and a good steak dinner to a CO will do. In fact, there whole purpose is to help you to see the path to A) Get the COBOE on your side, and B) Know how to ask for a privilege without really asking. The CO will not do a thing for you if you ask directly. But if you tell him that "you're reaching out", "would like to do more and have experience in building/medicine/reading the back of a first aid manual" then you very likely will be put on a list when these positions become available. Be careful, sometimes, these goggles can fog up when the CO once again starts to enjoy the smell of his own farts.
TIER 3 for ELDERS: Although these look like those crazy 1950's era 3-D glasses, they have a red and a blue lens for a reason. It's for the point that all elders reach when they have to decide between the red and the blue pill. Whether to just stay with it no matter the damange to themselves, their families, and real people, or stick around because of what they can get out of it, and the fantasy land that is in their head. These are the worst glasses in a sense, because one way or another, the red and the blue fade to perfectly clear glasses, where you can see the truth. You just have to decide, are you going to leave the rot, or perpetuate it?
Wow ATJ, you have the specs figured out.
Me? I'm still trying to refine my "overlapping glasses" and this is the best I've been able to do:
