Need some help!!!!! ***URGENT***

by sinis 46 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  smiddy

  The problem as I see it, is that your wife is/was not drawn to the witnesses by any intellectual/scriptual facts that they have the "truth" as much as it is a" feel good " religion relying on one`s emotions . You need to get your wife to see the difference between the facts of jehovahs witnesses history (well over a hundred changes in their 130 years of existance ) and their appeal to the emotional aspect of their religion . This is why people who dont take facts into account are wishy - washy about their faith and are like a cork in the sea ,blown about this way and that with every persuasion .

  smiddy
• 

  l p

  I completely understand where you are coming from. However your wife does have the right to talk with who ever she chooses. Having said that, I found myself in a similar circumstance in relation to my mum. In this situation I did intervene. I'll explain:

  My mum left the borg with my sister and I around 2002-3. Since leaving we built up a good family unit, even though we were adult children. We were considered what do they call the split family in the 'truth'. ie dad wasn't a witness. Anyway since leaving it was good. My mum was the happiest she had ever been. While in she had been on and off antidepressants. Since leaving no need, just plain happy. Then tragically in 2009 she had a subarachnoid bleed in her head ( a massive stroke due to an aneurysm). It was graded as the worst and not expected for her to survive and if she did she would have major deficits.

  Since we left the borg none of the JWs ever kept contact with us. But when my mum fell ill, the JWs heard about this and one of them an elder tried to pass himself off as her pastor at the hospital when she was in intensive care. I think they were trying to see is she was having a blood transfusion. We told the nurses there that he was not a pastor and that he does not have permission to visit her. The hospital ramped up extra security because he kept coming back and saying shit and he was spoken to by the hospital. He was the local elder for the hospital like a chaplain.

  Then my mum miraculously recovered with vertually no deficits.

  She was sent to rehab and the JW's found out. They started visiting and leaving WT and Awake mags. I took them without my mum noticing and threw them out. I spoke with my dad and got him to stand up for the first time against the religion and call one of the elders in the cong and tell himn that they are to make an announcement at the kingdum hell that no JW's are to visit mum. That she needs privacy as she is still recovering and deserves dignity. Also dad went off at him and told him that she has a head injury and is vulnerable and he does not want them using emotional blackmale on mum trying to get her back into the religion. And also that the use of guilt that the religion uses is not appropriate and will have a huge affect on her rehabilitation.

  Dad got totally stuck into them, thankfully because I once being one of them couldn't bec Ive avoided being D'ed..

  But it worked out well, they stopped visiting.

  So having gone through this I totally understand. But your wife has all her faculties, although being vulnerable due to greiving. You need to talk to her too. Look after your marriage and nuture the relationship you have so that it is strong so those bastards can't get in between it.

  Lp
• 

  Black Sheep

  My wife has had NO JW thoughts or going back until her mom died

  Really???

  Do you want to put money on that??? She was taught to blank out doubts by the church! She might still have that skill and been using it to blank out any residual 'what if's.

  If she still thinks there might be the tiniest chance that the WT might be Jehovah's channel, she is not entirely free. That is what you need to clear up.
• 

  Fernando

  What about writing the following or similar?

  Until you can answer the following, please refrain from further communication:

  Why is it near impossible to find a so called "publisher of the good news" that is even vaguely familiar with the "good news" according to Paul, Moses, Isaiah and Psalms?
• 

  Chariklo

  What a minefield!

  I think you have to act with extreme caution. But, speaking as one who got drawn in to the cult and have only comparatively recently got out, I think you should err on the side of protecting your wife from them.

  Five minutes on this forum are enough to persuade anyone that this is a very dangerous high control cult and that any "friend" communicating with your wife is a coompletely brainwshed automaton, controlled by the Borg.

  When a parent dies, families and individuals are at their most vulnerable. it's a time when relationships fracture. I have seen this in my own family, and a wise friend said the same to me at the time.

  The very best thing you can do for your wife is to share your feelings for her with her. And you're going to have to play it by ear. There's nothing the matter with a shared email account; I have a number of married friends who do the same. Not sure I'd like it myself, but then I'm a very independent sort of person.

  You are absolutely on the horns of a dilemma. Yesterday, I experienced contact with someone who was a dear friend within the JW's who contacted me and I tried to keep the conversation away from the WT...and she just couldn't. it didn't shake my resolve but it certainly did get under my skin in a very subtle way, so....don't underestimate their power.

  On balance, I'd do two things:

  1. Talk to her carefully and express your concern.

  2. fill your lives as much as possible with things that have nothing to do with the KH in any way, non-JW family, friends, other things.

  Is your wife clearing out her mother's effects? That makes her even more vulnerable. It's very hard. I know. I've been there. Emotions run very very deep.

  Please let us know how you get on. Thinking of you.
• 

  sizemik

  If she still thinks there might be the tiniest chance that the WT might be Jehovah's channel, she is not entirely free. That is what you need to clear up. . . . Black Sheep

  If you have thoroughly deconstructed the "cult experience" . . . there is no way the temptation to return can impose itself. If your wife is "mostly" out, then she's only a whisper away from mostly in. You need to finish the job . . . and now may not be the best time, but the sooner the better.
• 

  notjustyet

  Those books that I suggested earlier are very important in getting a person to understand that this religion is a cult and that they have no backing from a God. So in turn, the hopes that the WTBTS hold out to members are not theirs to offer. Seeing dead loved ones back alive again is THE biggest carrot their is to hang out infront of someone to make them do as their told.

  I know that you have a lot of post here, has she ever spent any time online reading about the WTBTS and how they do what they do?

  Seriously need to order these books, Combatting Cult mind Control by Steven Hassan, Captives of a Concept Don Cameron AND Crisis of Conscience by Raymond Franz the latter 2 can be ordered as a download and are about 10.00 each, well worth the money.

  Until then, how about seeing if she is open to reading some intersting facts on JWFACTS.com You might want to think about what subject she has had a issue with regarding the WTBTS and find a subject on that and share this with her.

  Does she know about the change of definition in the word Generation ? This info can be found at JWFACTS.com

  Can you share with is just how you guys came about leaving, what doubts etc that lead up to it and what if any research she did since?

  Please share her story so we can make more suggestions.

  Anyone want to chime in on how important these books are in keeping a person out?

  NJY
• 

  Etude

  sinis: You shouldn't do anything that your wife might consider a violation of her personal right to read whatever anyone sends her. If you block the witless email, she might not like that and consider it underhanded. But, since you say you share a common email address, you also have the right to respond to that individual as much as your wife has a right to read that persons crap. To reiterate what others have stated here, talk it over with your wife. Tell her that you feel compelled to respond and do it. There's a lot of ammunition on this discussion board for you to use and dismantle that witless.
• 

  Jaime l de Aragon

  You can report it to the police for harassment restraining order and request

  http://www.ehow.com/how_5685584_file-charges-against-person-harassment.html

  http://definitions.uslegal.com/p/police-harassment/
• 

  Xanthippe

  May I make a suggestion as someone who has buried both my parents and my husband in the last eight years, sinis?

  You say this 'friend' is talking to your wife about the resurrection and how your wife needs to go back to the KH to have the hope of seeing her Mum again.

  Then perhaps you need to tackle the 'elephant in the room'?

  In my experience when you have lost someone you dearly love you desperately want to talk about it and no-one wants to hear it! Especially bad at this are ex-JWs in my experience. I ended up with no-one to talk to about my husband's death which was terrible.

  The whole thing about losing our belief seems to have made death a no-no in conversation. So perhaps you need to be the one to let her talk to you about how she feels about her mother dying instead of this friend. What you talk about is up to you and what you believe and is none of my business.

  But I would strongly advise that you let her talk to you about her mother's death and not the borg member. Best of luck