Do you consider yourself a DOOR MAT?

talesin

You asked for a topic on this , and here it is.

I ask LadyLee to please comment on this subject.

When we choose to lead our lives according to what we consider is 'the right thing to do', that could be a good thing.

BUT, if it causes us to feel like we are nothing but a tool, a doormat that other people walk on ... is that healthy? How long can we do this, before it overwhelms us to the point that we can't take it anymore?

Is it okay to sacrifice our well-being,,, our sense of personhood,,, to 'do the right thing'?

Where do we draw the line?

nuthouse escapee

Hi Talesin Excellent topic. I confess I was one of those doormats to the point of what could be termed martyrdom. I felt selfish if I did anything for my own benefit and just could not say no to requests for help because I didn't want to let others down. Part of the problem was my own lack of self esteem that made me do anything to make others like me. I have learned to speak up for myself and have realized that it is not selfish to do what is best for me. True friends will understand and want you to look after your own needs, the others will just use you up until you're of no use to anyone including yourself. Leslie

rip van winkle

Hi Tal!!!

There comes a point when a person has to decide if their sacrifice for another person is detrimental to themself. If by helping someone you are putting yourself through a downward spiral then it may be time to stop and put yourself first.

Nobody should feel they are a doormat. I understand how it can be a difficult thing to say "No" especially if you don't want to disappoint other people. And like Leslie said : True friends will understand and want you to look after your own needs,

ammo

Hi Talesin,

Used to be a bit of a doormat, house always open to other's, always fed people, helped out with money, and tried to keep the peace, thats is until I got crook last year, it took months of doc with no answers,than I went to a natropath, she was an old lady -very intuitive and she told me first about my thyroid having a virus, it took over 6 months of test for a doc to find it, anyway she also velieved in metaphysics and said I had gotten so ill with it because I never had a voice, and it was true, I had kept alot in, alot really that should of been able to be expressed but was not for fear of upsetting my mother, and her very conditional ways, ultimitely being shunned.

So now actually the last 6 odd months I say way more than I used to, and I will speak up now in any situation in RL, because I know how much damage bottling it all up can do. I could hardly speak at one point or walk, when she explained to me it was all through fear of the future, as in looking after myself, and of not having a say in things and I made a concious effort to rectify things, well my body started to heal, I know its not for some and they rubbish it, but I truly believe its all intrinsicly(sp) linked and when I applied those directions she gave me, and also got on a juiceing regime things have really come together, I am thankful now when I get on the beach and run, or kayak, bike, or even play my guitar and am able to sing again- very thankful.

My lesson out of all this, as long as it's not hurting other, we must be true to ourselve's living a lie make's you sick.

elderelite

Good topic. Some may refer to themselves as door mats in a selfdeprecating way, using it to mock others who have perhaps critizied them for being "door mats" or being push overs, as it were. In that context its really quiet clever.

I do worry that such a person may be hidding deeper feelings of worthlessness and using such a clever witty self satire as cover or a diversionary tactic. Such a person would be likly to dismiss attempts to reach out to him (or her) but i hope they Know any such efforts are truly heartfelt

nuthouse escapee

(hi Rip) Learning to say no and not feeling guilty about it was a HUGE step for me personally. I guess it goes back to the being worried what others will think if we say NO. Leslie

sd-7

Yes. But I'm not sure that being a doormat (or "door mat", using two words) is right or wrong. It need not be self-destructive or harmful to oneself. Door mats have their place in our society. Door mats are not humans, and humans are not door mats. We need to recognize our respective positions in the world. Thankfully, door mats do not have to concern themselves excessively with matters of identity. We see ourselves exactly as we are.

For those using the term "door mat" in a metaphorical sense, in the case of humans who allow others to "walk all over them", well, such persons have proven themselves weak. And the weak are defeated and thus ruled by those stronger. Until they find the strength to rise and overthrow the strong, they remain slaves, weaklings who have earned their fate.

Thankfully, true door mats do not have to worry about such struggles. Their existence is full of great clarity and free of the existential dilemmas that humans face.

--sd-7

sd-7

is that healthy? How long can we do this, before it overwhelms us to the point that we can't take it anymore?

Really, the question being asked here is, what is the lifespan of a door mat?

Allmats.com had this to say:

Vinyl backed indoor mats are more economical than rubber backed door mats but typically have a shorter life span. Another important criteria to consider when selecting an indoor entrance mat is the surface of the door mat. Carpet top entrance mats with a low pile carpet are good for drying quickly . Indoor mats with a raised pile such as a diamond pattern or chevron ribbed surface are efficient for scraping action and trapping dirt and other small debris. Many of our indoor entry mats offer custom size carpet runners to cover long lengths or fit specific dimensions.

Source:
http://www.allmats.com/site/439205/page/128616

So the key is to seek to become a rubber backed door mat as opposed to a vinyl backed door mat.

--sd-7

free @ last

I love your beautiful mind sd-7.

I like the new doormat as well, I just wish it had opened up its own JWN account so that other members wouldn't get the two of you confused.

Free

elderelite

Door mats should not presume to correct spelling ;)

Do you consider yourself a DOOR MAT?

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