by Theocratic Sedition 46 Replies latest jw friends
You go to the same place,to the same meetings &..
See the same people..
You listen to the same information you`ve heard a..
Thousand times before and..
Have the same conversations after the meeting..
Your lonely because no one is really there..
Everyones Brain is Left at the Door..
...OUTLAW
OMG, Outlaw, that's priceless! LOL!
I can't say I felt lonely. Aggravated for sure.
Yep.... The expresssion "square peg in a round hole" kept coming to mind.
That was towards the end - it was o k in the old days when I believed, but I never had anyone that I could speak to openly. Even back in the day, the way it worked was that a certain tone of conversation was expected . After the meeting you never discussed anything "worldly" like the sports team or last night's telly. If you associated with bros, even in a bar , you said the right things, you kept the conversation upbuilding and never negative.
That is O K if you felt enthused but when questions occurred or you had problems with someone you bottled it up. It was "just not done" to speak your mind
BTW I never felt friends with my fellow elders, being with them was like being with people at work. You got along to do a job of work, and that was all. I found them either boring business types or pompous old men. Literally a couple were so good at speaking and management that I respected their abilities but we could never be close buddies.
To me, the kinghall was like home, a second home. I basically grew up there. Not in the same hall, all the time, but they were essentially fairly similar.
S
If you are a true believer, the hall makes you feel important, needed, wanted. Its an instant social network, with little to no work required to get so-called friends.
Once you are awake, you realize that 98% of those people would sell you out in a nanosecond if you spoke against their little cult.
You are lonely because those people would stab you in the back if they knew your true beliefs.
Miz, my heart aches for you and people in your same circumstance. Even if you feel that you can't leave this cult, please form a social structure outside of it. You deserve to feel comraderie and love. Life is nothing without those things.
Miz..
You got the..
JW Kingdom Hall Blues..
You don`t fit in.. BB King is going to..
Sing about it..
.......................... 
OUTLAW
Some people post about their friends and that they miss the culture. From the moments I was first conscious as a toddler of Jehovah's Witnesses, I despised it. There was NO love. Cultural reasons may have existed. We lived in a black hall. Despite my father being a Bethelite when Bethel was very small, the locals rejected us. It was strange because at citywide assemblies, I would encounter black Witnesses that were my aunts and uncles. It confused me b/c I thought they were blood related. Bethelites were very warm towards my father. When we toured Bethel, I will never forget how the factory men came running and hugging him with great vigor. My mom's crowd during childhood and young adulthood were extremely warm. I never knew any warmness.
There was great domestic violence. In my youthful stupidity, I believed if we "behaved" the abuse would disappear. It became much worse. B/c I thought compliance would make my father treat me well, I attacked being a super JW with fervor. My first Ministry School statement ended with a 35 year old brother pulling me apart in great detail with much relish for putting me in my place. The sister compliant rule, not being able to address the congregation directly, made the ordeal much worse. The whole KH laughed at me. I still have vivid memories of that night as the abuse continued.
My sister was brushing the chair in front of her at age three, bored to death. A Bethelite sitting next to us, removed his belt, and gave it to my mom to beat her to a pulp. My mom returned the belt without beating my sister. I was a preteen and knew his conduct was outrageous, not to mention his roving hands on his girlfriend.
With the exception of old family friendships, formed when JWs were few and heavily persecuted, I never encountered any love or kindness. It wa so shallow. The fact that I was raised to view the world as evil made it much worse. All my friends or people I admired would be destroyed at Armageddon, including my entire family. Praise was unknown. I could not stand it. Until this forum, I wondered if I were unique. Why did not I not feel love? I constantly heard I was no good. Were it not for public school, I would have no life now. There was love and affirmation at school.
I wasn't in any cliques nor did I have any family in besides my mother so yes, I felt lonely quite often. Then I'd feel used when the JWs would talk to me and ask for stuff.
Thing is, I used to feel that way a long, long time before I ever had doubts about any of the beliefs. It was like a political fundraiser to me--smile, wave, make small talk, and say what needs to be said, and then get out of there. But not too early, make it look good. My Mom, though--she was like Batman after the meetings. You'd just look up, and she was gone, and you kept wondering how she did that. And she's a loyal JW to this day. Go figure.
But yeah. It was that feeling of being alone in a crowded room, as is often said. I think within that feeling was the realization that I would never be good enough to be a 'better, more spiritual' JW. I didn't want to be an elder, and already felt overworked even as they were trying to put me on the track to be a ministerial servant. I'm just glad I told the truth when they offered me the ministerial servant position and turned it down on account of uh, shall we say, mat-sturbation? You knew that was coming.
And with that was also this feeling that I was going to leave the religion when I grew up. That, hey, maybe it would just be nice to not have to deal with these frosty, two-faced people anymore in life. And that even God just wasn't worth fighting for, since he's just threatening us to get our obedience anyway, same as Satan does.
Quick question, but this door mat thought it was a good one.
--sd-7
