by cedars 55 Replies latest members private
Be glad they will still talk to you. My witness family treats the complete rest of the family, baptized or not, like we are dead. Even when people die, they do not contact us.
I encourage you to read this article. It's the best I have seen about a patient way to help family members see the light:
how-i-helped-my-family-leave-jehovahs-witnesses
FHN- I see how that story could work for an annoited elder spiritual type, but I dont see a translation for a born in.
I think the most important thing is patience and thinking before we speak. Most of us want our family out yesterday. So we reveal our "apostate" misgivings instead of being stealthy. I believe this could work for any of us. For me it is too late. I grew impatient and just let it all out finally, which was a big mistake. I wish I had read this article early in my fade. I wish all fading witnesses would read this early on.
Cedars,
Sorry to hear about your experience. I think you handled it quite well. Clearly it seems
like everyone is in a sort of state of denial. I think it really is about their own
insecurities rather than whether you "conform" or not. That's at least what I tell
myself when I have to spend time with my parents. We're all ready good at
small talk. We just avoid the big, pink elephant in the room. :)
wow, I feel the sadness,, you have outgrown them,,going back to the "Watchtower Village" is so small and stifling. They refuse to grow, same old, same old. Especially when you see the children, so sad. They say the things they say because of the 'fear' they have, for anything outside.
I expect the only thing one can project is love and caring, even if to an accepted small degree.
Cedars
Your visit was truly sad and I've read many stories here of those who have extended families all in the organization. Those who were raised in the org and those who chose it later on have different disappointments.
We were not raised in it and so have no family members that are witnesses we were looking for the meaning of life and thought we found it and then it was a lie and so we walked out disappointed and angry but our relatives were glad we left. A completely different experience i can only imagine your pain. keep strong
I feel deeply for you Cedars. I have
Parents
Siblings
Children
Grandchildren
Nieces, nephews
25 close family members in
The pain is really hard to describe . Cult mind control really sucks.
What's the point? They still talk to you, but only on their terms. I won't mince words here- Cedars, you are a JW doormat. I hope you can extricate yourself from this abuse- you help others, but you are too scared to stand up for yourself. I predict that some outside event will blow the lid off your secret life and you will then end up doing the KH apostate walk of shame, rather than taking the high road and leaving with honorable reasons -- with your personal integrity intact.
I can relate. As panhandlegirl quotes, "You can't go home again."
Talking with Witnesses when they are in cult-mode is very taxing.
Cedars if it wasn't so sad it would be funny. When my wife and I stepped away we were non believers in the JW, all of their teachings, the bible and God. I understood almost immediately that I wasn't a valid person to my old friends and also my family. There was no shunning but eventually like a leper people would get out of the way. We moved on of course to a much better life style and far better friends. But we continued our family visits. And of course conversation was all about the congregation, old and new friends this one and that. It was their life and it was no longer our life.
So anyway this one time I was discussing our differences with my BIL and my sister and I asked them if they found out there was no Armageddon would they leave and they said no, that wouldn't matter, being a JW was their life. They were content. So after that conversation I realized that truth didn't matter to them or most witnesses.
Here's a quote from Martin Luther that demonstrates how doctrine and faith are 'more real' then reality.
"So tenaciously should we cling to the world reveal by the Gospel, that were I to see all the Angels of Heaven coming down to me to tell me something different, not only would I not be tempted to doubt a single syllable, but I would shut my eyes and stop my ears, for they would not deserve to be either seen nor heard" (Martin Luther, Table Talk, 1687).
