actually they were happy. I was the only dub in the family
How did you break the news to your parents?
by tootired2care 47 Replies latest jw friends
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PaintedToeNail
tootired-Could you possibly pray before meals with an 'our heavenly father' and leave off the rest? Maybe you could have the visiting family member pray before the meal, and skate around any questions about the KH attendance or Memorial attendance. When with my out of state family and a prayer is said for a meal, I often just say 'men' at the end. There was a poster who suggested saying 'gay-men', which is pretty funny actually. My hubby often looks to see if I say 'amen', so very often I just mouth 'men' to satisfy him.
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whathappened
LeavingWT is right. In retrospect, I wish when I told my daughter I was leaving, I hadn't done so in my typical shotgun method.
There is no good outcome to this situation, as many have already pointed out here. It's good that you and your wife at least have each other, as the odds are not good that your JW family will continue to associate with you in any meaningful way.
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tootired2care
The prayer thing is honestly not that big of a deal, i've done it before and I can continue to do it if I must.
The really hard part is what do we say when they come up for two weeks and start to wonder why were not going to any meetings. They have been to our cong several times in the past. I could plan other activities on those nights as ProblemAddict suggested, but they will probably see through it. My thinking is that it might be better to just get it over with before they spend a bunch of money and travel up to see us.
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tootired2care
I realize that there is no good outcome and I'll think about what to do for a few more weeks and let you all know how it goes. Thanks again for all of your great suggestions.
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happytobefree
tootired2care I suggest that you don't tell them until you absolutely have to. But even if they come and visit...just say you have something else planned and you make arrangements for them. Or you can go with them ad act like nothing is new...if you have say something...just say you have been very busy with work, school, distressed (they don't have to know it's distressed over the WTBS).
It's JW thinking when we feel we must confess stupid ish. People in the normal world...don't feel a need to get parents, friends, etc. approval or the need to confess about your life. This is really JW thinking. Because at the end of the day...you are responsible for your life PERIOD!!!
Your family had the choice to become JW's or to stay JW's without your consent....so why do you feel you need their consent.
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cult classic
I just wanted to affirm what LWT said on page 1.
My bil's stock answer when JWs ask what's going on is "I just don't believe it anymore." This has started more rumors and cult reactions than our response of saying very little. Our goal when leaving, since we were the first, was to try to help get some family out.
Granted my bil (his family became JWs when he was a teen, so he remembered what he'd given up) and sister couldn't care less what the witnesses think. But they have had to contend with more phone calls and shunning than we have because of their outspokeness. And their relationships with our family are more strained.
We have regularly talked my bil out of writing a letter and sending copies to everyone...lol.
I'm very proud of him.
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problemaddict
Hey tootired,
So there are two ways you can go and a plethora of possible outcomes from there. You can pull the trigger with loaded language you were warned of by Leaving WT. They may surprise you, but most likely will not.
Maybe something a little more easy to swallow would suffice. You could let them know before they come that you aren't going to any meeting right now, but if they planned on attending on their vacation, that you could get them to and from the meetings ok. This will inevitably leave alot of questions, but the ball is now in their court without you showing the apostate hand. They could decide not to come, but they probably care about you and are coming to see you guys for a reason. If they do come still, at least expectations are set, and when they try to engage you, you can deflect as desired, or go ahead and tell them you just plain don't believe in "it" anymore. At least there is a little warm up, and its not just a call out of nowhere.
Just a thought mind you based on absolutely ZERO knowledge of you, your family, and anything else that is probably actually important. :)
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problemaddict
^^^^For full disclosure, I have a hard time taking my own advise. My family knows I'm "having a hard time with a few things", right now. While that is true, I don't think they have fully come to know my stance and how far gone I am. That being said, its kind of a nice thing for me. No shunning, we just don't discuss it. If they bring up their friends or the hall I went to as a kid, I show my sincere interest in the people I cared about or still do care about for many years. Its not like I can never listen to a person talk about their faith if i don't share it. That would make me.....oh I don't know....an active die hard JW. I just afford everyone, what i expect. I just don't expect the same in return.
Its defeatist, but I also can't be disappointed by people. Ha!
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NewYork44M
Both of my parents died prior to me leaving the organization. So, I never was able to have - or needed to have "the conversation."
But, I would give anything to have a conversation with my mother. In fact, I have replayed the conversation many time over in my mind and in my dreams.