by tootired2care 47 Replies latest jw friends
But, I would give anything to have a conversation with my mother. In fact, I have replayed the conversation many time over in my mind and in my dreams.
I'm actually surprised that you would you want to go though that experience, most would gladly avoid it. What would you hope to gain by doing that?
"too-tired" I am in your very situation right now and do not know how to handle the situation as Jesus help's embolden me. I am frustrated from hearing "You need to get back to meetings, before you end up dead!" "You want to see your Dad again, don't you in the New System?" There age make's this a hard decession as my step-parent is still very die-hard, but the rules don't always apply in their life.
I know there is something about the JW religion with our parents that allows many of them to "check-out" from reality, I don't like people who tell me I need to get back to meetings, as they sit on their butts watching TV all-day judging me of throwing away my precious gifts. I know it's going to go over as a "lead ballon" once I tell them "I realize what is being taught is not Biblical and pushes into a area I feel is anti-christ activity "Jesus did not die for everyone, only the Governing Body members."
@LWT: It feels there is nothing to gain by telling them to truth according to all the old theories elders were given in Eastern Europe, "Not everyone is entitled to the truth", your wisdom is always appreciated as I ponder towards your experiences. Thank you for helping people with a cool head, instead of blowing up every bridge or setting fire to all our past relationships. I don't like to hurt people or make fun of their beliefs, at the same time there are issues of great magnitude that are attacking Jesus Christ's death by the Governing Body. Thank you dear LWT!
I am all ears to your ideas, how do I break this to my parents who are still drinking the "Grape Flavorade"?
My parents phoned me after my wife and I had ceased attending Meetings for around six months. We were given the "we believe in the New System and we believe JW's have the truth" speech.
As we both wanted to fade rather than be DF'd, we simply said "We know you believe that, and that is fine, but it is not for us".
At a later stage I was told they would "rather not" see me, but I ignored that and visited anyway, just avoided talking religion.
It was quite painless for us, apart from once when mother 'phoned to tell me I could not help an old friend of mine in dire need, because he had been disfelowshipped, back in the 1960's !!! I told her not to be ridiculous, and that I could do exactly as I liked. That didn't go down too well.
We seem to be at a point where now it is recognised we are never coming back, and nothing is to be gained by talking about it, suits us !
Chances are that your local cong has already communicated with your parents and they probably already know you are faders/inactive. I know that my parents only needed to visit our cong once to make a contact or two. My parents live 3 states away but still seem to have their finger in the pie.
when we get a visit I know its probably at my parents prompting, thankfully it hasnt been 3 elders yet. lol
When I last visited them I simply told my Mum that I was no longer suffering depression and panic attacks, she was shocked and asked why and I simply told her it was due to not putting pressure on myself to attend meetings which were making me ill as I could never do enough for the organisation and was feeling very low. She simply replied that I needed to remember that armaggedon is just around the corner to which I said "Oh yes of course".
End of discussion, although my siblings and partners have stopped talking to me because I have faded my Mum the Uber-dub somehow seemed to understand.
So perhaps your parents already have an inkling of what to expect?
Tootired,
Buckle up, telling my parents was the worst experience of my life and it still haunts me everyday. I took the revealing process as slow as I could - years -
and still, when they realized that prayer and extra study of thier publications would not fix my doubts, they acted as if I had died. The thing that did make it
slightly better was trying to get them to see it from an EMOTIONAL viewpoint, not from a rational viewpoint. Don't line of facts disproving the watchtower,
instead pour your heart out and relate to them that you really have tried hard to and want to believe, but you just cant anymore. Worst thing you could do
is share "apostate" info with them. Don't be critical, be doubtful.
All the best,
Nose
Remember you used the term "Die Hard" for your parents.....and it will be as such for both....
As you know it's not a BnW thing. Way too much is involved in their mental/emotional ties to the WTS. Firstly they would have to admit the Society strung along/tricked them all these years. Also, there's years of indoctrination/brainwashing to cut off "anything and everyone" who is against the WTS. Then the sacrafices they made for a dead end dream they wouldn have to admit to. One may be able to show things that are wrong with the WTS, but there's the psychological/emothial stuff which is deeply rooted......causing denial......
I would continue to string them along, unless, you are "truly" ready for the consequence........I strung along other JW realitives for many years.....it's not worth the alternative to me......and I bet your parents would rather have you lie to them instead of know the truth.......
I was 18 when they found out. I was a regular pioneer at the time (1992). I went out preaching all day with my mom. At the end of the day, I said "mom, see you at home"...but I never went home. I planned my escape for 3 months. It was a Monday. My secret boyfriends parents took me in until I figured out all the rest. So, that Monday after service, I went to his parents house. This was probably about 5pm that I arrived there. By midnight, my step dad the elder had found me. They asked me to come home to only talk. So, I agreed.
After 2 hours of my parents quoting bibile passages....and I sat silent, they asked me if I still wanted to leave. I said yes and asked if I could keep my car and get some more things from my room. I explained that I had been accepted for a full time position at my step fathers company and also had gotten a second job at The Gap (hee hee). They said yes.
The only way I knew how to leave was to go cold heartedly. I was too afraid of my parents. I was afraid they would rope me back in if I got too emotional. This was Oct 1992.
I was officially DF'd in Jan 1993 for fornication. Realize from Oct 92 to Jan 93 - my step dad called repeatedly asking if I had committed fornication yet. I truly did not until months later because I was scared. Once I did and step dad called, I told him the troof. I then was DF'd shortly after I told him.
Fast forward to now....its been 19 years....what a strange life I had! lol
Nikki
In person to my dad, then email to the rest of the family as I didn't live anywhere near them, and that led to months of gibberish in emails and letters and anger from them, so in hindsight maybe not such a great idea, but eventually they got the message that I wasn't coming back when I disassociated myself.
By letter, after 12 months of non-communication due lies that others two faced and double-life dubs told my parents about me, and my parents who didn't know these people true colors they just knew were JWs and therefore they MUST of told the truth, decided to believe them without asking me. Then 12 months later I received a letter from my mom, to which I responded by writing first and then me shunning them LOL
Best defense is attack in some cases
TOOTIRED- It really depends on what kind of parents you have. I agree a person needs to be careful in the choice of words you use in explaining to your parents why you stopped attending.
In my case 9 years ago - I stopped attending due to unjust treatment by the elders which really made me start having doubts about the organization. I explained to my elderly JW parents what the elders did to me- and they agreed that I SHOULD be mad about it and they supported my decision to stop attending meetings. My elder dad tried telling me to " not take it out on Jehovah " - but when I asked him why a checks and balance system is NOT in place to make sure elders don't give wrong counsel or personal opinions as counsel to JW's - he had no answer.
So- I didn't go on and on about details of my doubts of the organization I just said " I've been offended by unjust treatment from the elders and it's really made me have doubts. " Period mark. I didn't say anymore. I just left it at that. The less said, the better - I agree with the posters who have said this. In a strange kind of way I think my mom and dad really respect me for my stand as I have never gone back after 9 years out. Yet I still have a decent relationship with my parents. So if you keep it simple with your parents, not too much detail, then you won't give them any ammunition with your words to hang you with. Kind of the way I see it. Also- You can always just say you both are depressed and need therapy and tell your folks to respect your wishes. Lots of fading JW's use this technique as well. Good luck to you both, just remember we are here for you, O.K. ? Peace out, mr. Flipper
