by BreathoftheIndianNose 39 Replies latest jw friends
Wear a yamaka, long white robe and wave like the Pope (the way Popes wave that looks like they're changing a lightbulb) when you enter the KH. Then as you meet people, touch your face, point to the person, and say "bless you".
It will take the tension out of meeting them. It may at first put them on the defensive yet at the same time feel a sense of comfort.
Rub a Dub
I agree that you should consider bringing someone with you. I think you should arrive very close to the last minute and just sit wherever they seat you. While you have no obligation to contribute to "shunning," if you want to just observe the wedding, I would recommend saying virtually nothing to anyone.
Don't expect to get a hug or an invite to the reception. You might have plenty of tissue ready, but I suggest you try try try to keep a straight face.
Great advice already. Here's my addition:
If possible, attend with some mutual non-JW friends of your sister or non-JW family.
Practice smiling. You want to be happy on your sister's big day. Don't give the impression that you're sad and miserable.
Look fabulous. Don't outdress the wedding party, but have your hair perfect and shoes shined.
Make plans for something fun to do after the wedding. Since you're already dressed and if you've attended with friends, why not go out to a casino, restaurant, bar, club, or show. Going almost anywhere will be more fun that a JW wedding reception.
Separate yourself emotionally from the love and happy feelings you will experience because of your sisters wedding, and being in the KH when they will love bomb you with lies and try and sell you the brand. Be there for your sister, enjoy yourself, BE yourself, take lots of photos. Enjoy x
Paula :)
I honestly think it will be fine. Yes you will be asked "where have you been" and "when are you coming back" but simply prepare a reasonable and short answer and make a plan to switch topic as soon as you can.
In my experience as a ex-JW, current members seem to be much more friendly at the KH, than if you see them on the street or store. My guess is that the most unconfortable moments will be when facing your family.
I have been to a few KH in the last years due to invitations from friends as a pre-dinner meeting, but it was never the KH i attended so i didn't have to face "old friends".
If you can take someone with you that may be a good idea. Your family may be there but may chose this occasion to show their disapproval for your inactivity by giving you the cold shoulder. If you have someone with you there is the option to make arrangements to go for a drink or a meal together whilst your family go on to the reception.
This is a tough situation and you have my pity a weding should be a joyous occasion bringing family together. Remember it is the faith that they are following which is causing the rift and that without it you would be welcome. There may be a time in the future when other family members feel as you do.
I just wanted to say from the bottom of my heart, Thanks to everyone who replied with their suggestions and encouragement. I took most of the suggestions to heart and applied them. So here is a little about that day with its events, emotions and lessons.
I was VERY nervous from the moment I learned of my sisters engagment till the moment i walked in the doors of the KH, for good reason too. I have not seen my family in over a year after being DAed, only in the occasional dream do I see them, but the imaginary encounters are always full of sadness, guilt and loneliness. So this being the first real encounter, I was nervous. My preparation was key, these are the things I did: I got consent from my sister that I and a friend could attend, I brought a good friend who is an EX-Jdub, we had a killer few days hanging out before the wedding(concert and snowboarding), I talked about what would happen at the wedding in the weeks before with some friends as well as with my counsellor so as to prepare mentally, and we dressed to impress. Not dressed, however, in what RubaDub suggested(yamakas and long robes).
When we got there we were escorted to the second school which seemed to be VIP! There was nobody else in there, jsut us! I asked the usher, an elder who had been an elder in my hall ever since i can remember, how my family would react if i went and talked with them after. Just a basic "nice to see you" and "congratulations", nothing confrontational. He told me that my family specifically said they didn't want to talk with me on that day so I should save it for another time. I agreed, even then I know that day will probably never come. So we sat and listened to the bullshit talk. It was highly generic and had nothing to do with my sister and her husband but it was all an advertisement and self-promotion for the borg. One thing he said that I thought was especially absurd was when he calimed that being a true christian (or a Jdub, as he was applying it) is never a hardship. What is with all that bitching about continuous persecution from satan, the demons, and all the world then? There was a prayer, during which I didnt bow my head or close my eyes. Instead I looked around at everyone and thought to myself what a weird superstitious ritual it was, to ask someone you have never seen and dont even know exists for sure, to help make everything in your life work out perfectly. I think they realize that if they want the marriage to work it falls on how hard they are willing to work at it and yet, they fall back on superstitious garbage in palce of what is real and tangible.
The usher came to the back just seconds before it was officially over and said that it would be a good idea for us to leave. We left and I felt great about the experience. I realize what different routes our lives are taking, my sister's and mine. But in seeing her face and the faces of my loved ones simling, it makes me happy. They have to try and sleep knowing they shun thier son/brother/grandson/friend. All I want is for them to be happy, if that means them being in this stupid religion, so be it. If not, even better.
Thanks again,
BreathoftheIndianNose
Thanks for the update. It is good to hear you were able to stay so composed when being treated that way, and can now see it for how crazy it all is.
Blondie that reminds me of a couple at my hall who wanted a private wedding, but was told the KH was a public place, and they couldn't do that. Hardly anyone attended cause no one felt wanted and then the couple got mad. LOL
Well, going back to the Kingdom Hall...it can be like visiting the grave of an old friend you were forced to destroy, as it was for me. The feeling of invisible walls pressing in on you again, hearing their zombie-like tone of voice, seeing them appear to be brother and sister...it could be intense, maybe even frightening.
Bring a Bible with you, but make sure it's a different translation. If you're just there for a talk, just sit there and read it. It'll give your brain something to do in order to filter out the Borg programming. I use it as a way of shutting it out. Writing down your precise thoughts on a notepad is also a good idea.
The most important thing to remember is that it is merely illusion. These people are under a spell, and you are not. When you leave, you may feel a bit of sadness, but you'll heal. Either way, if someone who claims to be family doesn't tell you about their wedding, that says to me not to bother with them. But then, I guess my approach to family must be different than yours. I don't deal with people who don't want to deal with me, for whatever reason. If they want these people to be their family, fine by me. Just don't expect me to be there when those people aren't.
But...remember with all that said that these are still people, whatever they believe. They don't understand. Try to stay as detached as possible. If you let yourself feel, in those moments, it could be very bad. As Chris Cornell once sang in 'You Know My Name', "Try to hide your hand, forget how to feel." I used to listen to that song before going to meetings years ago. I recommend giving it a listen before you go in there.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnzgdBAKyJo
--sd-7
