by ingimar 93 Replies latest social relationships
I suggest you to talk to your hubby and explain to him that you are going to the next meeting with him and that you will tell the elders that he lived with you before marriage and he celebrated Christmas- or he can just stay away from the KH and you won't talk to the elders-
He needs to realize that you have the ability to get him disfellowshipped, if he continutes to go to the meetings-
You have the power here- use it, or be destroyed by the Jws
The problem with that Moshe is that if he is scared enough of the big A, he may just decide to go them himself.
If I did that Moshe, he would always resent me. I will do this however, as a last resort.
Been thinking about this thread and the ups and downs over the past three to four years when my wife decided to go back into the witnesses.
I agree with most of the posters on these main points:
Obviously, as others pointed out, he is looking for something that he feels is missing in his life. That was my wife when she went running back to the Watchtower. In spite of what society and especially religion sells us, a marraige partner cannot totally fulfill your every need. If yours was anything like our marriage, there were a lot of rough patches that made both of us wonder what is so good about being married.
While people are different the best way I've found to combat this is to show the freedom I have that my wife cannot possibly attain in the religion. She recognizes that her friends in the 'truth' are conditional, that her mom (while truly dedicated to her religion) would do better to live her own life and not be so quick to 'sing like a song bird' to the elders because her cousin is seeing a non-witness, and that she cannot truly express how she feels about some of their strict rules openly to other witnesses.
The fact that your husband is still doing celebrations with you shows that he is truly not a witness in a strict sense. Use that to your advantage by practicing and talking about those things openly. My wife has an advantage that your husband will not have, if she is caught doing something like celebrating any holidays she can hide behind my headship by claiming that I made her do it. In fact, I encourage her to do that and would defend her on those grounds should she ever get called on the carpet by the elders for it. Having a copy of the 'super secret' elder's manual gives me an ace in the hole should anyone in my household get called out by the elders. I respect my wife's right to wanting to associate with them even if I do not agree with everything they do.
If I did that Moshe, he would always resent me.
Your husband is putting the JWs first-- ahead of his wife.--
Have someone else make the call to the KH and talk to elders- then you can honestly say- you didn't talk to the elders. There are a few gutsy people here that would probably do it for you.
he may just decide to go them himself.
all the more reason to be the first one to tell the elders- otherwise he might try and act like he is repentant and confess his former sins- the elders have been fooled before by a fake showing of remorse.
If someone tells the elders about things your husband has done, they will have the opportunity to further try to control him with guilt and fear.
If joining the Witnesses were a rational choice, I'd say go for it. In practice, however, I've found that every time I point out a hypocrisy to my JW husband, the deeper he sinks in. For instance, his sport of choice is baseball. Sitting in the stands for nine innings is it's own pleasure. There are traditions throughout, including standing for the anthem and the seventh inning stretch. I made the mistake of reminding him that standing for the anthem is "against the rules". Forever afterwards, he would excuse himself to the bathroom just before the opening song. I've regretted removing him from that pleasure ever since.
Another problem, as I see it is this-- with JWs who are being pulled back in, is suppose they relent and stop going to the KH?, then 10 years down the road, they decide to go back to the meetings and they are gung ho, nobody is gonna stop them- come divorce or high water-
So being super nice and using all your powers of persuasion to keep him at home could back fire on you later- when you have so much more invested and so much more to lose from a divorce-- We read many sad stories here from members who got the shaft from a spouse who went back to the KH- and they knew they were taking a risk by staying with their JW spouse-
Who said I was nice? I advise to get educated and approach cautiously. In the best scenario, the partner should be making the conscious decision to leave, with his full faculties in operation.
In this neck of the woods, it would be described as how to approach a deer. It is easily spooked, we know that. Put out a salt lick and sit quietly.
I read threads like this and it just makes me feel grief. This organization has gone on too long and it has ruined too many lives.
