Violet:
I don't see it as a life if you can't have friends cause you don't know if they're gunna run off with yer drugs, money and diginity, don't know whether the next person you meet is gunna attack you the moment you're alone together, you can even look at someone sideways and they'll tear your head off! I don't wanna live in a world like that.
What you really need, and what will help you the most is to get in touch with your inner instincts and refine—and tune up—your discernment in life. People only treat you the way you let them, and the proverbial words of Jesus say a lot: “Don’t give what’s holy to dogs… don’t throw your pearls before ignorant pigs…”
Refining your discernment in scanning and seeing what other people really are is one of the most important tools you can have for avoiding being hurt, used, and generally crapped on from a great height. The signals are usually always there when we meet people, but unfortunately most of us choose to ignore that gut instinct that zaps in to our consciousness in an instant when you meet someone new, or spend a while speaking with them. Learning to listen to that inner voice is what will help you avoid all the toxic people out there. The Kingdom Hall is no sanctuary, if your ‘inner alarm system’ was fully powered up, it would be going off constantly in the halls just as it would outside. The reason people who are not witnesses have hurt you, is because you made some bad choices, and that is one of the hardest lessons to learn, believe me I know. Many on this forum have commented how they are now ‘super-sensitive’ and their mind prods them when the smell of crap is in the air, they discern propaganda, lies, false reasoning, manipulation all the more now because they, and I, have learned all too well what it is to not listen to that inner voice, gut feeling, and subconscious alarm that is there to protect us.
Have you read any of Ray Franz’s books? If not I recommend you do—the sanctuary you crave is not in the Kingdom Halls, or the Watch Tower society. I see you have been burned badly by a horrible experience—why are you not listening to what that experience is teaching you? How many times do you have to put your hand in the fire before you realise the burning flesh and injury are the result of that action?
I understand where your insecurities come from, but you must realise that the Watch Tower knows exactly how to press the buttons to excite them—unless you disconnect those buttons, by learning non emotive reasoning, and also get a comprehensive education on the facts. The power is in your hand to have a happy productive life and not to have users/parasites, and other toxic people in your life. Many here can see they don’t want you to go straight back into a situation that will disempower you, and end up in more pain and disillusionment.
I really hope you find your inner voice, and listen to it, and also find a more objective view of the Watch Tower that is not blurred by emotive paradise pictures that are just there to play on your insecurities and put you under their control, which is the exact opposite of the freedom that Jesus said you are entitled to.
