I've told my story a few times but some highlights:
I wanted it to be true so much ( not just a , see it when you're dead way) and I couldn't understand the reason why what I read in the scriptures regarding miracles, building gods kingdom, truly getting information from god ( as in proper information like, 'missing girl x is in terrible danger, is praying for help and is being held captive at y' kind of useful, do good through god type message) , healing ( this was a big one for me and was always the thing I loved most about bible Jesus) and so on was not happening. I asked god in prayer what I could do, what I could sacrifice, what I could change to make myself available for him to manifest his power. I wanted to build up the kingdom of god so bad and to blaze forth the name of Jesus everywhere to help heal this fallen world and do my part as best I could. Of course I got no answer other than ones I made up ( be patient, be humble , wait on me etc.) In addition I was struggling , on this site, to find convincing answers to very tough and unrelenting questions from atheists and skeptics, the truth shouldn't be hard to justify I thought. I couldn't understand why god wasn't giving me insight in how to lovingly but substantively respond. I decided that it had to be answered, I needed to know if I was defective in some way or if god just didn't want me to do anything on his behalf. I realised I'd never sacrificed my belief, I'd never risked it, if I was unwilling to give up my belief in god then what worth was that belief? I told god in prayer what I was going to do ( study, pray, seek out answers from all areas, examine my life, my beliefs, live righteously, await divine revelation and at the end if no answers came accept that god did not exist) and then did it. Several years, lots of reading, lots of thinking, hours of prayer, critical appraisal of myself and my core beliefs and confronting the central idea that, despite all my seeming spiritual experiences, the wonderful community I was part of, the amount of investment I had made in my faith, I could be utterly wrong.
I was wrong. My faith was vain. My beautiful dream was over. My cause and my devotion a sham. Now I'm just a naked bunch of self aware hydrogen atoms from the beginning of the universe contemplating itself, I am the universe aware and my former god is no longer valid nor needed and such retarding concepts as sin, repentance, eternal punishment, invisible beings, talking animals, armageddons, virgin births, angels are replaced by an enthralling moment of consciousness , now, me, filled with exploration and experience , a moment that is me and refuses to be cheapened by blood sacrifice or ancient myths. This moment I finally feel free to explore and be what I can be. No gods dictate my paths and I hope to help others to realise just how magnificent they are and how little they need invisible dictators.