Hi all. Feels real strange typing this. I was what you all call born in. I was happy growing up. No very bad experiences. I have served as a MS for a long time and never took steps to move on to Elder. Was afraid of that. I pioneered for several years. I was what most would think very strong in truth. I have had odd doubts or questions for years... Always push them out of my mind and pray about them. Last 3 years I started drinking to cope... Stopped drinking as of Jan 10. Confronted my doubts and feel good, but also sad and still confused. Odd mix of emotions. I'd like to explain my problems and how I got here. I am sure many have had some of the same thoughts.
The flood. When I realized a few weeks ago I couldn't in good conscience give a talk on it, I knew I had to step down.
How could Mt. Everest have been covered? How did coral and sea horses, and earth worms and animals indigenous to Madagascar or Australia survive?
how did all the races come from 3 sons of Noah? Why do spiders have webs if not to eat other insects? Skunks have scent, snakes venom, turtles shells. But in a few months in the new order they will all not eat each other?
Neanderthals - so the society admits they lived now but says they were another human race. The DNA doesn't match. Where did they come from? We can trace most of Adams sons to people in Middle East. Neanderthals came from Adam? This one got me over the edge I was stuck on. So they were intelligent, and loved and buried dead with flowers, and now to accommodate that we just call them humans.
Old Testament says Jah killed a child slowly on purpose to punish David and Bathsheba. Read the account our last weeks watchtower had.... Joab was a horrible person. He murdered 3 people in cold blood with no known punishment and lived till old age, but the baby had to die slowly over 7 days to punish David? "Jehovah struck the child". Why not just do it quick?
Elijah called down a she bear and it ripped apart 42 kids. It taught them and their parents to respect gods prophets? Give them leprosy for a day! God wouldn't do that, kill 42 over teenage stupidity.
Elijahs bones had left over Holy Spirit in them and resurrected a dead man... Why? Israelites went to war with the people of the promised land and died in the battles. Why? An angel could kill 185k, so why didn't the angels fight for them? It just doesn't make sense any longer.
I want God to be there. I pray still. But, I don't believe in the creation account as outlined in the bible. I do believe in natural selection and adaptation after studying it over past weeks. I just don't know where I am now. I'm confused and conflicted. I don't know how I'll go in service again. I am stepping down now for personal reasons from being an MS. I've shared much of my problems with my wife. She has some doubts, but not like mine. I can't hurt her. So taking it all very slow. Last few weeks have been very sad, but I've learned a lot. I was really hurt by the quote mining in the creation brochure and the 2 articles on Jerusalems destruction.
Well I know this is long and a little disjointed. I just wanted to share.